Lissy Romano

60| Time stopped.

I recommend to listen to these three songs as you read this chapter...

1. Get You The Moon
Song by Kina (ft. Snøw)
2. lovely
Song by Billie Eilish and Khalid
3. savior
Song by Beowülf

***
Matteo Romano

What the hell did I just say? Why did I let my anger get the best of me? I don't actually believe she's not normal. I was just mad. I should've kept my distance, stayed away from her. Instead, I've only caused her pain. I've hurt her, and I can't take that back. I'm a terrible brother. I don't deserve her.

The truth is, I'm the one who's going to end up hurting her in the end. I don't want to be the cause of her pain anymore. I can't handle it. I can't go through losing her. And the thought that her sneaking out, like I did when I was her age, could get her hurt—or worse—keeps me up at night. I can't bear the idea of her in danger. I can't live with that fear.

If I keep my distance, maybe it won't hurt as much if something happens. Maybe I won't feel the sting of losing her as badly if I've already built walls around my heart. It sounds ridiculous, but I thought it was the only way to protect myself from the inevitable heartbreak.

I don't want to lose her, but I also don't want her to get hurt because of me. I don't think she'll be sadder without me. In fact, Santino is her best friend. He's the one she looks up to, the one she trusts the most. I'm nothing compared to him. I'm nothing.

She wants to be just like Vincenzo, strong and respected. Just like Dante, tough and confident. Just like Domenico, kindhearted. Just like Giovanni, independent. Just like Santino, funny, smart, everything I can't be. She's everything they are. She doesn't need me.

She doesn't look at me like she looks at them. When she sees them, she sees love. But when she looks at me, I can tell—it's like I don't even exist to her.

I hate myself for this. I was an asshole from the start, too afraid to let myself get too close to her. I didn't want to get attached in case something happened to her again. But I was wrong. I should've been there for her from the beginning, like Davide or Santino were. I should've shown her that I cared, that I loved her. But I was too much of a coward to do it. And now, I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

I heard her walk into her room and close the door. I heard her crying, and I knew I had to do something. But I was paralyzed.

Then I heard her again, the wince, the sound that sent a rush of fear through me. I rushed to her room, opened the door—and there she was. On the bathroom floor. Blood. So much blood. Both her wrists, bleeding. My heart stopped.

I rushed to her, trying to stop the bleeding, my hands shaking, panic taking over. "Vincenzo! Someone, please... come here!" I yelled, feeling like I was losing her before my eyes.

I looked at her face, her pale face, the life draining from her. But she was still breathing. Slowly, but she was breathing. I couldn't lose her. Not like this.

The rest of the brothers rushed in—Vincenzo, Domenico, Dante, Santino. They looked at her with terror, their faces as pale as hers.

"What happened?" Vincenzo asked, crouching down in front of her, his voice full of panic.

Domenico, ever the professional, moved in to assess the situation. "Let me see," he said, his voice calm but his eyes full of worry.

I couldn't let go of her. My hands were covered in her blood, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't lose her.

Dante pulled me away from her, his hands firm as he forced me to step back. Santino stood behind, looking at his best friend, his soulmate, slowly slipping away from him.

The blood... it was everywhere. And I saw the note. A piece of paper lying beside her, Jax sniffing it. I snatched it up, my hands trembling.

"I'm sorry for doing everything wrong. I love you all. Please forgive me. I will always remember the love you all gave me. I will always keep the good memories in my heart. I will be forever grateful for you, my dear eight brothers."

The world stopped. My chest tightened, my lungs unable to fill with air. I could barely breathe. I dropped to my knees, tears falling freely from my eyes. I was suffocating, drowning in my own guilt.

She was slipping away. And I did this. I did this to her.

I tried to hold it together, but I couldn't. I couldn't stand to see her like this. Vincenzo carried her out of the room, her almost lifeless body in his arms, Domenico pressing on her wounds to stop the bleeding.

Dante tried to hold the others back, keeping Enzo, Davide, and Giovanni together, but I couldn't be restrained. I wanted to go with them. I wanted to be with her.

"No. You stay here," Dante commanded, his voice cold, and it cut deeper than I expected.

"I need to be with her," I said, anger rising in my voice.

"Look at what you've done, Matteo. Enough," Dante said, his words slicing through me like a knife.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think straight. I had killed her. She did this because of me. I pushed her to this point.

I sat on her bed, my head in my hands, crying uncontrollably. My heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. The tears wouldn't stop. They never would.

My world stopped in that moment. It ended.

When I saw her on the floor, blood everywhere. When I held her lifeless body. When I saw the note she wrote for us. When I realized she did this because of me. My time stopped. My life stopped.

I killed Lissy. I failed her.

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