Lissy Romano

60| Time stopped.

I recommend to listen to these three songs as you read this chapter...

1. Get You The Moon
Song by Kina (ft. Snøw)
2. lovely
Song by Billie Eilish and Khalid
3. savior
Song by Beowülf

***
Matteo Romano

Fucking shit. Why did I say that shit. I don't think that she's not normal. I was just angry. I should've kept myself away from her. I've only done damage to her. I am a terrible person. I am a terrible brother.

I am only going to hurt her. And at the end of the day, I am going to get hurt. I don't want to go through that ever again. I can't go through that again.

I can't do that. If something happens to her, I'm not sure if I will be able to live without her. And the thought that her simply sneaking out of the house, like I did at her age pretty often, can get her hurt, maybe even killed...I can't bare that fact. I can't live with that thought.

If I ignore her maybe it won't hurt that much if something happens to her. I need to keep my distance from her. I can't let her into my heart, because I know that it will end badly.

I don't want to lose her, but I don't think that she will be sadder without me either. Santino is her best friend, brother, soulmate and her favorite person. I'm nothing to her. I'm nothing.

She is trying to be just as respected as Vincenzo is. She's trying to be just as strong as Dante is. She's trying to be just as good as Domenico is. She's trying to be just as kindhearted as Davide is. She's trying to be just as independent as Giovanni is. She's trying to be just like Santino, she is just like Santino. She's even trying to be just as funny as Enzo is.

But she isn't trying to be like me. She doesn't want to be like me. She's looking at them with so much love in her eyes. But at me, she looks like I'm nothing.

I understand her. I don't want to be like myself either. I wouldn't want her to be anything like me. I remember how I held her in my lap, in school. When Noah tried to hurt her. She placed her head against my chest and for a moment I forgot that she doesn't want to be like me.

I was feeling important. But as soon as she saw other brothers, she tried to find comfort in them. She forgot about me.

And like she said, I was a fucking asshole from the start. I just didn't want to get used to be around her in case something happens again. But now I think that I was so fucking wrong. I should have been like Davide or Santino were when they first met her.

I should have shown her that I love and care for her. I should have known to do better. But I was a coward. And now I have to live with it. For the rest of my life.

I heard her walking in her room, closing the door behind her. My room was right next to her room. I heard her sobs and I knew that I had to apologize. She walked into her bathroom and after a moment out of the bathroom. Silence for a moment scared me. After that I heard her wince.

I furrowed my eyebrows and walked out of my room. I walked to her room, I opened the door and I didn't see her. I walked to her bathroom and I saw her on the floor. Jax was trying to get on her lap.

Her eyes were closed, blood...so much blood, everywhere. She cut her wrists, both wrists.

I rushed to her and with both of my hands I tried to stop her wrists from bleeding.

"Vincenzo! Someone please...come here!!" I shouted in terror as loud as I could

I looked at her little, perfect face. Her cheeks weren't with that cute blush anymore, her face was pale. But I saw that she was breathing, still breathing. Slowly, but breathing.

Moment later Vincenzo and the rest of our brothers ran into Lissy's bathroom. I heard gasping and I saw panic in their faces.

"What happened?" Vincenzo asked as he crouched in front of her

"Let me see." Domenico said, he was professional like a doctor

The best in the country...

I didn't want to let go of her little wrists. What if this is the last time I can hold her while she's still alive?

Dante pulled me away from her as he saw me struggling to let her go. Santino stood there and looked at his best friend, soulmate and every other thing to him slowly disappearing.

She was slowly disappearing from this life. From her body. From this house. From our family. The blood was everywhere. Only then I saw a little paper on the floor next to her body, because Jax was sniffing it. I took Jax in my arm and gave him to Santino. Then I took the paper in my hand.

I'm sorry for doing everything wrong. I love you all. Please forgive me. I am so so sorry. I will always remember the love you all gave me. I will always keep the good memories in my heart. I will be forever grateful for you, my dear eight brothers.

My heart ached like never. The tears escaped my eyes. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stand on my feet anymore. I fell on my knees and only then I understood that I will better die than live without my baby sister.

I tried to keep myself together, but I couldn't. Everyone was in shock. We looked how Vincenzo carried her almost lifeless body as Domenico pressed his hands on her wrists.

Dante was holding Enzo and Davide by their arms. He was trying to be strong for them. For us. But he was just as desperate as we were.

Giovanni took the paper out of my hands and he crouched next to me while he cowered his mouth and tears started to fall down his cheeks. I've never seen him crying, never.

Santino walked behind them. "I will drive." he said loudly and with shaky voice as he placed Jax in his playpen

I barely managed to stand up from the floor and Giovanni did the same thing. We wanted to go with them, but Dante didn't let us do that.

"No, you will stay here." he commanded us

"I want to be next to my little sister." I said angrily

Enzo, Davide and Giovanni were still in shock, they didn't say anything. They just looked at Dante with tears streaming down their faces.

"Look at what you did, Matteo. It is enough." Dante said and his words were like a stab in my chest

My mouth opened agape and I couldn't stop crying. I was done. I was dead. Mentally dead. She did that because of me.

He was right, she did that because of me. I made her to do that to herself. I killed my little sister. I killed Lissy.

I sat on her bed and I placed my head in my hands. I cried nonstop. My heart ached and my breathing was fast.

Time stopped. My time stopped when I saw her on the floor with blood around her. My time stopped when I saw her pale face and when I touched her almost cold body. My time stopped when Dante pulled me away from her. My time stopped when I read the little paper she left for us. My time stopped when I saw how Vincenzo carried her out of her room. My time stopped when I understood that she did it because of me.

My time stopped and I died...

___________________
Vote and Comment