Lissy Romano

61| My vulnerability.

I recommend to listen to these four songs as you read this chapter...

1. Train Wreck
Song by James Arthur
2. Bruises
Song by Lewis Capaldi
3. Can We Kiss Forever?
Song by Kina
4. Georgia
Song by Vance Joy

Lissy Romano

When I opened my eyes, I was at the clinic again. My hands were tied to both sides of the bed. Panic washed over me.

What did I do?

As I looked around, I saw Santino. He was watching me closely, every movement I made made him smile, but there was something off. His eyes weren't just concerned; they were filled with so much sadness, so much worry that it broke me all over again. I had never seen him look like that, not like this.

I tried to move my arms, but I couldn't. They were tied, and I felt too weak to try harder. So, so weak.

"Santino, please untie me," I begged. But he shook his head, his eyes downcast, the sorrow in them almost too much to bear.

In that moment, I knew. I knew I had hurt him so badly that the person he was before could never be the same again. He stood up from the chair next to my bed and came over to me. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I wanted so badly to hold him back, to return the comfort, but my arms... my arms were useless.

I heard him sobbing. Sobbing so badly, in a way that I never thought I'd hear from Santino. It shattered me.

"Santino..." I started, but his tears wouldn't stop.

He stood back up, wiped his tears away quickly, but his face... his face didn't change. He looked at me with eyes that were now clouded with pain, and that's when I realized just how wrong I had been.

I hurt him. So deeply.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, but he turned and walked out of the room without saying a word.

"Santino, I'm so, so sorry..." I said, but my voice cracked, and I knew he couldn't hear me. He was walking away from me. Away from the sister he had always cared for. I had broken his heart.

I had been so selfish. I thought they would be okay without me, that they would live their lives just fine after I was gone. I convinced myself that my death would end the pain, but deep down, I knew it wasn't true.

When I cut my wrists, I felt relief. The thought that everything would finally end was all-consuming. But then, in those final moments, my brothers came rushing back into my mind. I thought about them all—every first impression, every smile, every laugh, every tear. And I regretted it. I wanted to stop. But the bleeding was too fast, and soon I could hardly think. My vision blurred, and then... I was gone.

I don't remember much after that. But somehow, they found me. They brought me back. And now, I was alive because of them.

"Santino..." I started again, my heart breaking. But this time, he didn't stay. He stepped away and walked out of the room.

"Santino, I'm sorry..." I whispered, but it was no use. He was gone.

And then my brothers were there. They all stood around my bed, their eyes filled with regret, with pain, and yet they said nothing harsh. No shouts. No accusations. I had expected them to be angry, to yell at me, but they didn't.