Chapter 32. déjà vu

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— it's hard to escape the scars that took our body hostage —

— it's hard to escape the scars that took our body hostage —

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They left Phuket before dawn.

There was no reason for them to stay there any longer. Especially after Kim watched Chay cleaning the house from all the blood left around. Chay just wanted to get Kim out of that house as soon as possible. He could see it in Kim's eyes. The way he looked at Chay when Chay was down on his knees cleaning the mess he made; as if he was relieving it over and over again. Chay could see that innocently naive look of a child that feared what he was made to do over and over again, punished for being who he was. And Chay hated it. Hated to see that some things could trigger Kim so easily and pull him back into the past, Kim fought so hard to escape.

Chay wasn't sure, but thinking about it... there was something that started haunting his thoughts. Chay wondered if Kim relapsed like that every time he killed someone and there was too much blood around. Did he clean it every time exactly the way the nuns told him to do? Did he find a razor blade or even went out to buy one and then fall down to his knees, and scrapped the blood inch by inch, drop by drop until his finger bled too and his blood mixed with the blood of his victims?

Chay didn't want to think about it, and more than that, he didn't want Kim to think about it. So, the moment Chay started the engine of the car and they drove off, he felt an invisible weight falling off his shoulders. The time spent in Phuket was perfect. Besides the ship jumping and Kim's little relapse, Chay loved every second of it, but he was also glad and eager to go home. He was actually looking forward to talking to Porsche and even playing the promised chess game. The less, however, he looked forward to Kim's conversation with his brother.

Chay didn't lie. He trusted his brother. He really didn't think that Porsche would intentionally do something that would hurt him, which hurting Kim would definitely do. But Porsche also didn't notice that he was hurting his brother unintentionally for what felt like forever, so Chay wasn't so sure he could be a hundred per cent calm. Besides, the bigger problem seemed to be Kinn and not Porsche. Kinn seemed as if he almost loved making Kim's life in the Heist Squad harder than it should be. It was frustrating to Chay. Naively the thought that talking to him in the gym was enough to force Kinn to stop that nonsensical behaviour, but all it did was prompt Kinn to tell Porsche about everything he knew about Kim and Chay. So, now, Chay had no idea what would Kinn's next step be.

Putting aside the thought of Kinn actually trying to use his power on Kim, Chay shoved all the overthinking behind the door in his mind and shut it close firmly.

He looked at Kim; with faded blue hair, tattoos adorning his caramel skin, eyes with eyelashes that fluttered gently as he slept, and sweet lips slightly parted, he looked like a god. Fallen god. The god that Chay can touch just by reaching out his hand and running his fingers through the silky ocean of Kim's hair and the smooth desert of his cheeks.

Chay leaned closer, pressing a kiss on Kim's lips, "we are here, baby."

They were right in front of Kim's house. It looked exactly like the day Chay came here for the first time. Even the rain... was the same. When Chay drove here the rain was heavy, at some places so heavy that he could barely see the road. Just like on that day when Chay chased Kim all around the city just to get here. And then when Chay was turning the car right, to get onto this street, the rain subsided, just like that day when Chay asked Kim what was his power, and Kim decided to show rather than tell.

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