Chapter 37. echo of despair

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— rip my heart out, burn my skin—I'm not a human without him —

"Hia, stay with me, okay? We'll get you in bed and then I have a little surprise for you

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"Hia, stay with me, okay? We'll get you in bed and then I have a little surprise for you. Just hia—no no no— don't, don't close your eyes. Shit!" Chay kept panting and rumbling as he tried to escort Porsche to his bedroom as fast as possible. Porsche's t-shirt was dripping in blood. The fabric—so soaked in it that it looked almost grotesque, like a parody of an injury too hyperbolized and dramatic. It just didn't look real. Not to Chay. His hia was never injured like this. Yes, there were some cuts and bruises, some broken bones, and pulled muscles, but never so much blood, never a real danger, never a real possibility that Chay could lose his big brother as well.

Suddenly, Chay was hyperaware of the fact that if something like this happened just weeks ago, he wouldn't know what to do. He would be scared and so lonely, and feel so useless. There would be tears streaming down his cheeks, meeting halfway with the blood of his brother. Because it was always no matter who Chay had lost, no matter how many friends went away because they were afraid of his power, it all was survivable as long as he had his hia. Even if their roads seemed to be going in the opposite directions recently, at least they still were on the same road.

But now, none of it was happening. Chay wasn't even scared. He was worried but he wasn't scared. He had his power now. He knew exactly what to do to make sure that his hia would be okay. The bullet was most likely still in Porsche's body, so the doctor would have to take care of that, but other than that, Porsche would be fine. It all was going to be fine. Kinn would calm down and make sure that Porsche was recovering properly, and Chay would talk to his brother, talk about them, about the squad, about him and Kim.

Kim. It was strange that Chay couldn't hear him. That he couldn't feel Kim right behind him. Kim was always right next to him. Since they met for the first time, it became almost impossible to separate Kim from Chay. At first, for a completely awful reason and then for a reason that filled Chay with warm and fuzzy feelings, making him giddy and disgustingly happy. And especially in a situation like this, Chay had no doubt that Kim would be as close as possible so that he could make sure that Chay was alright. But there was no sense of Kim anywhere around Chay now.

It was just a weird feeling that flew through Chay in a fraction of a moment, but he pushed it away. Maybe Kim just wanted to give Chay some space to be with his brother, in which case, Chay truly appreciated it because right now, no one was more important than Porsche in Chay's arms.

Chay kicked open the door to the bedroom and quickly but carefully pulled his brother those couple of steps left towards the bed. Porsche was barely holding his eyes open, and there was blood on his lips, and when he coughed, more blood came out. His skin was extremely hot to the touch, and droplets of sweat were covering his face and neck. He was shaking. A loud, painful groan left his mouth when Chay pulled the t-shirt slightly up to see the wound. Blood dark, almost black was poring out of it and staring angrily at Chay; daring him to stop it if he could.

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