If I had met you in grey

Chapter 92

Tobias POV
Today is the day of our last simulation before the big one at the end of the week. Once today is done, we have two free days which I think we're all grateful for. I think today is going to be harder than usual.

"Morning." I hear Tris's voice and I turn around. We're all eating breakfast before heading into the simulation waiting room. The girls at the table right now wave to her with big smiles. She takes a seat down next to me, and kisses my cheek. "Someone's in a good mood." I point out taking a sip of water. She shrugs and grabs some food.

"I'm going to be guarding the fence." I hear Uriah say. I hadn't really been paying attention to many of the conversations but I did get some things here and there. And I know that they are discussing what job they want when they make it into dauntless.

For me, I wouldn't want to talk about it because if I don't get in, I got my hopes up and dreamed things I know won't happen. And believe me, I've had those dreams.

"Shouldn't you wait to see if you even get in?" The words come out before my mind really processed it. Everyone at the table looks to me. "Well if you think about it now, then you'll be prepared for when You get to choose." Uriah says and I can tell many agree with him. "But what if you don't get in? What happens then?" I ask. "Tobias!" I hear Tris mutter staring at me.

"All I'm saying is if you hope for something like that, and have you're whole life planned out, then it gives you a bigger opportunity to be let down." I say and with that I walk away from the table.

****
I'm sitting at the rocks in the chasm where Tris and I normally come. Any sound echo's off the walls in here, making it seems ten times bigger and deeper. "What's up with you today?" I hear Tris say so I wrap my head around to see her coming towards me.

She sits closely next to me, the water spraying on her feet now just like mine. I sigh, "I'm just-" I can't finish my sentence because I honestly don't know what to say. "That stuff you said back there, was that because that's how you're feeling right now?" She asks and I simply nod.

"I could never afford to think that way, so I don't see why I would start now. And hearing them all debate what they want to do here, and what their lives will be like, not knowing what the future holds. I couldn't really bare it." I tell her. I look over and she's starting intently into my eyes, listening to every word that falls from my mouth.

"I can understand that." She finally says. "Because none of us know what will happen." She says.

"But I've always believed in dreaming. Being able to dream of something you want and desire, hope for in life." She adds.

"Marcus took away my power to dream." I say blankly. She looks at me not with pity but compassion.

"I don't believe that." She says and that makes me look at her again. "You can still dream, you just hid that power away." She says and take my hand in hers.

"I'm just afraid that I'll hope for something, something that I need in my life, something that I've been waiting for... And it'll be taken away from me. Or plainly not happen." I tell her.

"Then I wasted that time fantasizing about something that in hindsight wasn't realistic." I add.

"But sometimes you need that." Tris says. "Sometimes everyone needs a moment where they can just imagine something that they want to become real." She says. "Life isn't perfect, nor will it ever be. But dreams can be, it can give you a glimpse of something that brings you joy and happiness." She tells me and all I can do is stay silent.

"Happiness can come in the smallest things, such as a dream." She says and I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. I lean back and we stare into each others eyes, mesmerized by each other.

"Maybe I've always been dreaming and now it's a matter of how the dream will change." I tell her.

"I told you that you could still dream, you just had to discover it for yourself." She says and presses her lips back to mine.

******
"Four." The man calls out. They had to replace the place of Amar while testing. I know that this man won't be doing the testing on Friday, tori's doing those. "Take a seat." He says and I do as he says. Sitting in the uncomfortable yet familiar chair. "You ready?" He asks and I nod. He then slowly pushes the syringe into my neck, letting the serum flow through me. And my eyes soon begin to close.

I open them again thought to see that I'm on the Hancock building, where I went with Tris and everyone else for zip lining. My breathing begins to pick up pace, faster and faster with every beat. Heights. Is what I'm facing.

"Come on!" I see Tris strapped on into the harness, ready to soar off into the night sky. I hate to walk over and see the ground way below me, but I have to be over where she is. I walk slowly and reach her. "You're next right!" She says with her natural grin. I nod slowly.

"Four, don't be afraid." She says. I take another breath and try to calm myself, and it's actually working. "See you at the bottom!" She says and with that she's off, hurdling with speed. That is till I hear her blood curdling scream. I look to see her falling, her harness broke. The zip line broke, and now Tris tumbles through the air, heading for the ground feet below her.

I can't help her from here, I can't. All I can do is watch her, watch her fall into her grave. When I can't see not hear her screams any longer, I know that she hit the bottom. Another scream fills the air, but I recognize it as my own. Screaming as tears pour out, screaming for her to come back.

I jerk up and see I'm back in the simulation room, I'm breathing heavily and my cheeks are stained with tears. I faced two fears in one simulation.

I walk out and see Tris still sitting in the metal chair out in the waiting room.

She sits there still breathing, no scratch on her. She sits there waiting for me, still safe. And that's all I need. For Tris to be with me, safe, happy, and mine.