Heir to the Khalil Throne✔️

42: Aftermath

It has been a week since I killed Emily. Darius and I do not talk about it, in fact, we do not speak at all. I want to talk but he has sunk into a hole and is not interested in being pulled out.

I am making lunch for us all, I have been cooking for a few hours. It has helped take my mind off it all.

I have never killed someone and while I want to feel awful about it, I am glad she is dead. I am a horrible person but I would do it again to protect them and I will not feel bad about it.

"Ms Gertrude, I am done, you all can help yourself. I am going to feed Darian and take Darius' plate to him."

"Yes, Ma'am. I will inform everyone." a smile on my face before I take Darius' food to him in his study.

Three knocks before I walk in. He is working on his laptop. He has thrown himself into his work again and while I wish he did not do that, I can not tell him how to deal and risk pushing him away.

"Here you go."

"Thank you."

"I will be in Darian's room." he nods and I let him get back to his work. He does eat just not as much as he used to and while I worry, I can not force him.

I walk on eggshells around him with fear that one wrong twist of my tongue will set him off. He feels far from me. We have not slept in the same bed for a week and while I should be used to sleeping next to empty space, my body still longs for his presence.

Darian has taken notice of his father's absence and while he is trying to make sense of it, I know it is confusing having him there, knowing where he is but being unable to hug and talk to him.

He wants to be around his father but I do not know how he would react around his son in the state he is in.

"Is Daddy okay?"

"Daddy is going through something right now and he needs a lot of love from us."

"Okay, should I borrow him my teddy so he can feel better?" a smile appears on my face at my son's empathy.

"I think he would appreciate that." he hands me the teddy  "You can give it to him tomorrow."

"No, give him. He needs Teddy more." I plant a kiss on his forehead.

"Okay, I love you."

"You too."

I walk over to his study where he is still working, papers all over the desk and his bun messy. His plate is empty, which fills me with joy.

"Darian wanted you to have this." I place the dinosaur plushie on his desk and wait for a response yet nothing comes. "You can not bring those walls up again, Darius." he spares me a glance before diving back into his work. "He deserves your time, your attention, your love. You promised him that."

"That was before." you could hear my heart break as he expresses the depth of his pain.

"No, you do not get to go back on your promise to him."

"I do not want to have this conversation with you."

"You don't want to have any conversation with me, you don't want to talk to me."

"Bohlokoa," he lets out a defeated sigh "What do I say?" his words infused with pain, I can feel my heart breaking.

"Talk about what you feel, the anger, the shame, the guilt, I know what you are going through, I know what that feels like and I know, talking helps, even if it is not to me, talking helps."

"What do you mean you know what I am going through?" I take a seat in front of him.

*******Trigger Warning***** Mentions of SA******

"The first time, I was in high school, my neighbour used to look after us and her boyfriend at the time, he... uhm... second time, I was in University, I was at a party, drank a few drinks and as I was trying to leave, I got pulled into a closet and the third time was when I was working as a waitress. I was going to fetch a bottle of wine from the cellar and my boss forced himself onto me. I know what you are going through, maybe not everything but I get the outline."

"Princess..."

"Talking about it helps, otherwise you end up hurting innocent people and I do not want that to happen to you, the guilt of hurting innocent people because you did not have the courage to talk, that eats away at you more than anything else." he lets out a sigh and looks at the ceiling.

"I am angry, for myself, for you, at them, at myself but you are right, there is the shame of me allowing myself to be caught in that situation."

"I used to blame myself too. Why did I go to her house, why did I drink at the party, why did I not wear a better shirt until I realised that monsters will be monsters and predators will be predators. Lana and Emily should bare the shame, not you, baby."

"What kind of man am I, if this happened to me?" a tear rolls down my heart as I wished I could swallow all his pain, he does not deserve to go through it all.

"A human being who was drugged,"

"I am a man, I should have been..."

"Superhuman? Baby, you were a victim, I was a victim, it was not our fault, not in the slightest. It may take years for you to fully believe it but I will be here."

"I..." he looks at me, broken, tears in his eyes and pain all over his body.

"I love you, I will wait for you, I will stand beside you, I will watch for you, I will protect you, I will do anything for you, I simply need you to be vulnerable enough to heal from this."

"I will try."

"That is all you have to do." he opens his arms and I get up to sit on his lap and wrap him in my embrace. "I love you, Mr Khalil. I have never loved someone the way I am in love with you and when your mind starts trying to convince you that you are not loved, know that I do. I will be the light in your storm." he rests his head on my chest.

I hold him and while he does not cry, I know he needs this and I do too. It is the first time that I told him about the assaults and I never like telling anyone about moments in my life that are horrifying to remember.

"I love you," he says and I plant a kiss on his forehead and tighten my grip around him.

"Let's go to bed."

"I..."

"No objecting, let's go." he chuckles and we walk hand in hand to our bedroom. We change into our pajamas before getting into bed.

"We will get through this."

"We will." a kiss on his forehead as he faces the ceiling. Where do we go from here?

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Total Chapter Word Count: 1226 Words ❤️

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