jerk; kv ✓

thirty eight.

Taehyung woke up to the sound of a door being kicked open. For a second he thought that it was his so he fearfully sat up to defend himself, but there was no one in his room.

Shit, Jeongguk must be really hungover. He quickly tested the duvet off of himself and ran out of the room. He could hear gags coming from Jeongguk as he ran down the corridor to the bathroom.

"Jeongguk, holy shit." Taehyung instantly fell down to his knees beside Jeongguk who coughed into the toilet and cried out.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising, rinse your mouth I'll get you some water." Taehyung stood up and made his way downstairs to the kitchen instead.

He filled up a glass of water, but instead of returning to the bathroom he entered Jeongguk's room first where he placed down the glass. Then, he dashed back to his own to get some pain killers for the boy.

Jeongguk gripped onto the sink after managing to wash his mouth, but still struggled to stand up and look around with feeling like he was going to pass out. Luckily for him, two arms held onto him ever so gently and began to drag him out of the bathroom.

Jeongguk felt beyond guilty that he was making Taehyung look after him when he had hurt the boy so much. So, he forced himself to walk to his room by himself and let Taehyung follow behind him.

"Take the pain killer and go back to sleep, you'll be fine when you wake up again." Taehyung made sure that Jeongguk was in bed before returning back to his room. He could hear a muffled 'thank you' come from Jeongguk which brought a slight smile to his face.

Taehyung also decided to sleep again, it was a great way to avoid his thoughts about whether he liked Jeongguk or not.

He knew that he forgave Jeongguk and now believed him, especially after seeing what Jeongguk was putting himself through to try and get to Taehyung. Jeongguk wouldn't eat unless Taehyung would, and wouldn't go out unless Taehyung did.

But, a sense of hurt still remained inside of Taehyung. He didn't know why if Jeongguk turned out to be loyal, but he didn't want to spend countless hours trying to pick apart his feelings that might intensify by thinking about the past events.

The sunlight shining through their windows slowly began to dim, the only light source outside became the moonlight and the light from other peoples rooms.

Taehyung woke up again when hunger struck, although it was nighttime and it was pointless to brush his teeth just to go back to sleep, he still decided to go. And also talk to Jeongguk who he was thinking about the second he woke up.

I hope he's okay.

Jeongguk chewed on his nails while sitting on the couch with a movie loaded up and a meal prepared for Taehyung who he knew hadn't ate all day either. There was one for him too, completely untouched as he refused to eat unless Taehyung did too.

His head shot back to the staircase when one creaked, indicating that Taehyung was making his way down.

"Tae, do you wanna watch a movie with me? I ordered us food." He shyly asked, heart pounding in anticipation and nervousness.

Taehyung was hesitant, but Jeongguk had done so much for him already and it would make him feel guilty if he declined.

"Sure." He surprisingly agreed and began to walk over to the couch, taking a seat beside Jeongguk who resisted the urge to shuffle closer.

Taehyung swallowed dryly as he stared at the random movie Jeongguk played. From the corner of his eye he could see the boy constantly glancing at him and fidgeting with his hands that were itching to hold Taehyung's soft ones.

Jeongguk did eventually shuffle closer to Taehyung who didn't react but instead waited for his next move.

What is he doing? Taehyung chewed down on his bottom lip, ears burning when Jeongguk slowly placed an arm around his neck and held onto his left shoulder. He began to sink into Jeongguk's side and let his head rest against the elders shoulder too.

Neither of them touched their food, only staring at the TV screen with each other on their minds.

Taehyung couldn't help but start falling into the deep hole that had formed in his chest.

Jeongguk was being sweet now, and had proved himself again. But, the sadness inside of Taehyung didn't fade.

It was incredibly unfair. Taehyung didn't understand why he had to struggle so much before getting something good. He was afraid that it'll all go downhill again and he'd be left disappointed again, that he'd never truly find happiness.

He began to fear that after this, something would happen again.

Taehyung's eyes began to grow glassy and his nose turned a light shade of red. The hole began to grow bigger and harder to ignore, soon enough it was taking over him.

His thoughts spiralled back to everything else that went wrong in his life; his father not being there for him, losing his friends due to his mental health, being sexually assaulted by his ex, a suicide attempt and now Jeongguk.

Yeah it was fine now, but he still didn't understand why so many bad things had to happen before he could accept the fact everything was working out for him.

What the hell did I do wrong?

Jeongguk's eyes snapped down to Taehyung who was starting to sniffle every now and then. A worried frown appeared when he saw Taehyung unleashing heavy tears down his cheeks and onto his hands that were clutching onto his thighs for comfort.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" Jeongguk shook Taehyung who glanced at him and immediately to sob.

"It's not fair Jeongguk, why can't I have anything good?" Taehyung cried into Jeongguk's chest who pulled him on top and laid down on the couch.

"I know Taehyung, I'm sorry." Jeongguk ran his fingers through the back of Taehyung's hair, gently caressing it to comfort him.

"After everything I went through, why can't something work out for me without destroying me in the process? Why can't I do anything happily?" Taehyung gripped onto Jeongguk's shirt and sobbed loudly, hiccups slowly starting to take over.

"It's not your fault Tae, it's mine. You deserve better after everything that happened."

"I know you didn't do anything wrong with those girls, and you've already apologised so much for standing me up- but it still really hurts. Everything was just going so well for me, and now it feels like nothing is and nothing ever has, or will."

Jeongguk closed his eyes and absorbed Taehyung's panicked breathing, letting tear fall from the side of his face, "I know I keep making promises, but I promise you I won't ever let something like this happen again. I won't party, I won't drink I-"

"I don't want you to change anything. I just want to stop feeling like this." Taehyung could feel a panic attack coming up, and he knew there was nothing that could stop it, "I want to stop feeling like I should disappear and hurt myself again. It's not fair, I haven't done anything wrong."

"I know, it's unfair." Jeongguk chewed on the inside of his cheek, regret growing worse when he heard that Taehyung was having the same dark thoughts again. This is all my fault.

"I really hate feeling like this." Taehyung began to have quick short breaths which lead to Jeongguk making him sit up.

"Drink some water, I'll make sure you're gonna be fine."

Omfg finally Jfc