100 STEPS TO HIS HEART

CHAPTER 40

Sa wakas! Sa kabila ng lahat ng pangongopya, pagpapalabas sa akin sa classroom, sa mga bagsak na quiz at quarterly exams, naitawid ko rin ang high school. Nakasuot ako ng toga ko.

"Sa wakas, graduate ka na," sabi sa akin ni Ate. "Akala ko, six years ka sa high school."

Pumunta na kami sa school para sa graduation. Punong-puno ang school, halos lahat ay nakatogang puti.

Agad kong nakita si Enzo, nakatingin na siya sa akin. Ilang segundo pa kaming nakatayo at nakatitig lang sa isa't isa hanggang sa itulak siya ni Mico sabay tawa. Agad-agad naman akong lumapit sa kanila.

Nang makaupo na ang lahat, nagsimula na ang graduation ceremony. Nakapila kami by last name. Nauna si Venice Buenaventura, Chelsea del Mundo, Enzo Gutierrez, Mico Loyola, Bryle Ortega, at Miks Ortiz. Noong ako na, lahat ng binanggit ko ay tumayo at pumalakpak. Si Miks, sumigaw pa. Pumalakpak na rin ang iba, hindi ko alam pero nangilid ang luha ko. Finally, pakiramdam ko, part na ako ng something. I finally feel like I belong.

Nagpatuloy lang ang graduation ceremony. Tinawag na kami para kumuha ng mga diploma. Noong turn na ng Tres Gwapitos, lahat na ng babae sumigaw. Siyempre, last time na nila makikita ang Tres Gwapitos.

Bago matapos ang graduation, umakyat si Enzo para sa valedictory speech. Tumayo siya sa podium, at lahat naman ng babae kinilig.

"Hi, good morning. First of all, I want to congratulate all of you for making it. I told myself that I will try to speak Tagalog, so forgive me if I'm not very good at it. Anyways, I know that almost all of us have mixed feelings about today. Some are happy because finally, we made it through high school. Some are sad, because they're afraid of change. We don't want endings. We don't want something that has been a constant part of us go. But, I am saying this to all of you, and I mean it- do not be afraid of change. Embrace it."

Pumalakpak ang lahat.

"I really hated change. Well, at least, that was before. I didn't want new people in my life. I hated it when something new happens because I'd been so familiar with everything. I never thought that change would be the best thing in my life. My last year in Girlinlove University, I met this lovely girl and until now I thank God for letting me have her in my life. She saved me. She's the change that happened to me. She made my life better. And no, this is not bullshit, because I'd rather not speak than say some bullshit. Sorry, Dean," sinabi bigla ni Enzo.

Natawa lahat pero ako naluluha na ako.

"Back to what I was saying. Embrace change. One, because it's inevitable, and two, because you'll never know what it will bring you. Do not fear change, do not fear the next step. You guys are all going to be college students and will choose the paths that you want to take for the rest of your lives. For me... I'm..."

Natigil siya.

"I'm not going to college."

Narinig ko ang lahat ng impit na bulungang galing sa iba't ibang tao.

"I know you're all asking why, or am I crazy? I'm the valedictorian and I won't go to college? Honestly, if I can, I will. I am allowed to dream. And in my dream, the next step for me is to go to college. I will take Biology, yes. Pre-med. I want to be a doctor. I want to heal people. I want to help those who are suffering. Such a heroic thing to say right? But trust me, I know. I know how those people feel. I know the pain, I know the sadness, I know the unfairness... because... I, too, am sick."

Lahat naman ng estudyante, napahinga nang malalim. 'Yong iba naman nagbulungan. Napatingin ako kay Enzo. He's going to tell everyone. He's strong. I'm so proud of him.

"I have ARVD. Arrhythmogenic Right Ventricular Dysplasia. It's a progressive disease where my right ventricle... Okay, I guess this is the part where I try really hard to speak Tagalog. Okay. Ang sakit ko ay ARVD. Sakit siya sa puso. Ang right ventricle ng puso ko ay hindi ginagawa ang function niya kaya nagkakaroon ng right ventricular failure. Kailangan ang right ventricle kasi siya ang nagdadala ng oxygen-depleted blood sa lungs."

Ine-explain niya nang maayos ang sakit niya, tinuturo-turo pa niya ang puso niya at ang lungs niya.

"Over time, dahil progressive disease nga siya, magkakaroon ng right ventricle failure wherein ang right ventricle ko won't do it's function, which is to pump blood sa lungs. Dahil diyan, may mali na agad sa circulation sa puso ko. Right now, my right ventricle has failed, and nadamay na ang left ventricle. Kapag nag-fail din ang left ventricle ko, magkakaroon ng bi-ventricular failure at delikado na para sa akin. Ang sakit ko is non-curable- walang gamot. Ang solusyon na pwede is maintenance ng gamot or heart transplant. But the doctors said that I can't do that anymore, because once upon a time I was a hard-headed guy who was going through a rebellious phase and I refused to take my meds or even have a heart transplant. Later in life did I realize that is the stupidest thing I have done in my life. I honestly refused to take meds because I'm dying anyways, so why prolong the agony? But then I met her..." tapos bigla niya akong tinuro.

Lahat naman ay tumingin sa akin.

"Hope was... well, she was my hope. My life was very dark and when I met her, everything changed. She's a ball of sunshine, the missing piece in my life. She was the yin to my yang, the light to my dark, the hope to my dying soul. She was my saving grace. After knowing her, I talked to my parents to let me start my medications again. I asked them if I could have heart transplant, but they said that it's too late to have it done because my body is too weak for that. They said that they'd rather research for meds that will slow down the progress of ARVD than lose me in a sudden heart failure during transplant. And yes, I guess that would be better since at that time, I never told anyone, even the Tres Gwapitos, about my sickness."

Ngayon niya lang 'to sinabi.

"Sucks that I want to continue with my life, but I can't. And no, I'm not telling you all of these to pity me. I'm the kind of person who won't say anything about my personal life, but I realized that I wanted to pass the message that you guys should live your life to the fullest. If you guys are depressed because you got dumped or someone broke your heart, cry over it and be done with it. Life is too short to dwell on those things. Enjoy life. Embrace changes. Face your fears. Again, if I can, I will. That's my message. I know that entering collage is scary, but do not fear. Do it, because you are given the opportunity to do it. Others can't. Others won't. Also, don't waste time. Time is very precious. Time really is gold. If I could trade anything for more time in this world, I would. But all I can do now is pray that I'd be given more time, an extension, to do things that I love with the people that I love. Because I don't want to leave them just yet. I don't want to. I know soon enough I will. But I am fighting, and I will continue to fight. And if I can do it, so can you. So congratulations to all of us. Good luck with college. And live life. Live life to the fullest. Please. Live for me. Thank you."

Lahat ay nagpalakpakan at tumayo. Hindi ko napigilang umiyak.

Ilang sandali lang ang nakalipas, may nag-abot sa kanya ng isang bouquet ng red and white roses. Tinanggap niya iyon sabay naglakad papunta sa akin.

"Hope, I know I've been saying this a lot, but thank you. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for extending my life."

Lahat ng tao ay napatigil, lahat nanahimik, lahat ay nakatingin lang sa amin.

"You're the reason why I'm here right now, I want to be with you, Hope. I want to spend the remaining days of my life with you. So will you..."

Hindi ko inaasahan iyon.

"Will you marry me, Fiella Michelli Hope I. Yazon?"