Fate

Ch. 52⚠️

⚠️Sensitive content in this chapter. Content includes, post trauma, topics of self-harm, and other mental health related topics. Please read with caution.⚠️
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Lan Xichen was in his guest room at Haikuan's place. He was sitting on the bed with his guqin on his lap. He was anxious but he had to get some answers. He wasn't going to let the spirit of Jin Guangyao fool him, as he couldn't anyway. If he doesn't want to speak the truth, he will not answer. Spirits usually only speak if they are answering truthfully. Lan Xichen also hoped he could get to Jin Guangyao from where he was. He wasn't necessarily back in Cloud Recesses, so it was hard to say if he could reach spirits from his timeline that are not from the current timeline he was in.

Lan Xichen let out a deep breath before playing out the opening to Inquiry and called for Jin Guangyao. Surprisingly, he was successful, "A'Yao," he said calmly. He put on a smile to make him think he didn't know of anything, "I only now heard of your passing, my heart goes out to you."

"Er-Ge, you are too kind," he responded back.

Lan Xichen asked the first question carefully, "I know the truth, why did you do it?"

"I just wanted my father's recognition, even then I didn't get it," Jin Guangyao replied.

"Why did you make those dimensional talismans?" Xichen asked outright.

"I thought instead of killing them, just make them go somewhere else," Jin Guangyao answered.

"Did you know one was used on me and now I cannot get back home?" Xichen asked.

"No," Jin Guangyao said.

"Do you know how to reverse it?" Xichen asked.

"I do, but it's difficult to explain," Jin Guangyao told him.

"So you do not want me to get back home where my family is probably worried sick about me?" Xichen asked.

"I will give you the talisman but you will have to listen carefully," Jin Guangyao said.

Lan Xichen asked him to tell him the steps. It took almost an hour for him to get the information right. Once he got it, he still manipulated Jin Guangyao to an extent as he didn't want him to know that it was to help everyone else get home too. Once he got Jin Guangyao to leave, he asked Haikuan to take him to Wangji and Wuxian.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were just having a nice relaxing day together. It was nice and warm and sunny outside and so the two of them went out for some fresh air. They set up a blanket under the large tree as the always go and they laid there staring up at the sky. The sky was blue with a small amount of clouds.

"I remember when I first started to get along with Jiang Cheng, and he and I would go to an open field with Shijie was some fresh melon and lay down under a huge tree. Shijie would always try her best to get me away from her mother's yelling and taking me out to play was always something she did. I remember just laying like this and looking at the clouds. I'd see if any of them looked like an animal or something," Wuxian explained.

"Mnn," Wangji hummed, "I never did that."

"Well, you can with me," Wuxian told him.

"I know," Wangji said.

"A part of me feels that we won't be here much longer," Wuxian told him.

"And that upsets you?" Wangji asked.

"I have long said that I am afraid to go back," Wuxian said, "aside from not being able to figure out the talisman, I have also slightly been purposefully avoiding it. The injury I had was an accident but a part of me wanted to get hurt or something just so I could stall on going back."

"Wei Ying, I understand that you are having a hard time with that but have you ever thought that this could have a negative impact on others?" Wangji asked.

Wuxian sat up and moved out from being held by him, "I know but you guys all want to go back but what about me? What about Wen Ning and Wen Qing who have suffered under all of you people? Do you think I don't have a reason not to fear going back?" He asked and stood up, "let me tell you this, you and everyone else can go back. I am not going back."

Wei Wuxian started to walk away, "Wei Ying don't walk away from me, we need to talk about this," Wangji told him.

"Why?" Wuxian asked and looked at him, "you and everyone else want to leave. I don't want to leave for thousands of reasons. It's clear to me that no one wants to understand that."

"Wei Ying, I want to understand, you have been purposefully stalling on looking at the talisman, you have even gotten hurt and you hoped that you would which tells me that you would deliberately get hurt just to avoid working or even making the talisman. Have you even considered the feeling of everyone else here? How they feel about us being here? What will they say when they hear this information?" Wangji asked.

"I am not sure, and I am not going to be here to find out," Wuxian said and went inside until he got to the front door. He then walked right out and kept walking. He didn't know this world well, especially just by walking. He just had enough. He just didn't want to continue with this any longer.

Haikuan and Lan Xichen pulled up and saw Wuxian starting to walk of. They noticed he was angry and in tears, "A'Xian, where are you going?" Xichen asked.

"I don't know, anywhere but here," he answered. He sounded so tired and numb, he sound as if he had no desire left in him.

"A'Xian, I got answers from Jin Guangyao. I got the talisman, we can go back home," Xichen told him.

"Good for you," Wuxian said, "but I am not going back. Lan Zhan can fill you in on that."

"Wait, what happened?" Xichen asked.

"Wei Wuxian, whatever it is, just know that your pain will not go away unless you let others help you," Haikuan told him, "let's go back inside and talk."

"Plus, you are the only one who may end up on knowing how to cast this talisman. It is very complex that it took Jin Guangyao a long time to explain it to me," Xichen said, "whatever happened, let us talk."

"Wei Ying, please?" Wangji asked as he came out to him.

Wei Wuxian looked at them, "all of you want to go back so badly, but has it ever occurred to you why I am still afraid to return? I was long since cast out from everyone in the cultivation world because of the methods I use and the people I tried to save. I am apparently a murderer and I monster and I know for a fact that once we go back, everyone will still want me dead. You guys say you will protect me but how do I know you won't go back on your word? That is how messed up I am. I can't trust anyone even the ones I love...isn't that amazing?"

"Wei Ying, I told you, I will live with you wherever you want. It does not have to be at Cloud Recesses. Xiongzhang's has long said he will support our decision. Please, if anything, please trust me. I promise you, I will never leave you. I promise you, I will fight the world for you," Wangji told him.

Wei Wuxian sighed and looked at the ground. He knew Wangji was the one person he could trust as he was always someone who kept to his word. Wangji wasn't going to let Wuxian suffer alone again. He moved slowly to Wangji's side and just rested his head on Wangji's shoulder. Lan Wangji pulled him close as Wuxian just let his tears fall.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed.

"It's alright," Wangji said, "don't speak, we can talk later when you are feeling a bit more relaxed."

"I can't take much more of this pain. I keep hiding it from everyone because I feel like I'm not worth it. Everything would be so much better if I wasn't alive anymore," Wuxian whispered.

"Please do not say that," Wangji said. His heart in his chest began to break an he found it hard to breathe. He knew Wuxian was hiding something but he didn't realize that it was all this pain.

When Wuxian started to calm down he leaned more onto Wangji for support. Lan Wangji carefully lifted him up and took him back inside and up to their room. Lan Wangji was going to really sit down and listen to Wuxian's worries. He wants to understand why he still keeps his pain hidden from everyone until he can't handle it anymore. Wangji just wanted answers and he also wanted Wei Wuxian to be happy.