The Bug Queen

Grief For Myself - Ino

She was awoken again by another knock on the door. She had a half-eaten sticky bun laying on her chest and she felt like she could throw up again.

"Come in."

The door opened as she removed the sticky bun, giving it to the eye-patched dog, who ate the rest in one bite. She had some water and some bun before she drifted off; if she could get it to stay down, maybe she'd be able to sleep a little tonight. Maybe this dog would stay: he was warm and felt safe to her. Maybe she wouldn't have nightmares tonight, but she wasn't hopeful about that.

Shino and Kiba walked in with Akamaru.

"We're going out for a drink."

"You should come with us."

She didn't want to get up out of her warm bed with the Eye-patched Dog. Even in the early summer, she was so cold.  She rolled over weakly, burying her face into its furry side.

"I'm going to stay here."

"Why?"

Shino's being a little rude, she thought. The guy who never says anything was being rude to her. That figures.  She snapped back at him.

"Because I don't feel good, and I have to do barrier work in the morning. Good night."

They didn't leave. Shino spoke again.

"Kuro, get up. You aren't helping."

Eye-Patch Dog got up at Shino's command, leaving her both alone and cold on the bed.  And now uncomfortable.  She burst out into tears.

"Fuck you, Shino! Asshole! Just leave me alone, for fuck's sake!"

She started sobbing. She heard the door shut and the room was considerably quieter. Everyone left. At least, she thought that everyone left...

"Here, you need to try and drink this."

A moment later and Shino was standing in front of her, all jacket and glasses in the dark, holding a small glass of water. He didn't leave.  He must not have gotten the message, which seemed on point for him.  But she was also too tired to snap at him again.

She couldn't do this anymore. She shouldn't have left home. She should've just waited her time out in her apartment. She couldn't get past her grief, and it was going to kill her...

He quietly sat beside her, handing her the glass. She was so shaky that she couldn't hold it. He helped her bring it to her lips. She sipped it as she cried, gagging on it. He took the glass back as she coughed, simply sitting beside her as she cried.  She was completely falling apart.  He didn't touch her or try to calm her, he simply sat and waited.

After a while, she began to calm down. Finally, she was hiccupping slightly, but calm. He turned to her again, handing her the water. She sat lotus style beside him this time, weakly tucking her feet under herself and sipping the water slowly with both hands. He didn't watch her, he simply looked down at the floor and waited.

He didn't give her much, and she was able to finish it. She breathed deeply, holding the empty glass. They sat quietly for a little while, just sitting on the bed.

"Thanks, Shino."

Her voice was small. He nodded but still didn't look at her. She continued.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you and called you names."

"It's okay."

"It's not. You didn't deserve that."

She watched the hooded figure as he continued to stare at the floor. She had to have upset him. He spoke softly.

"I think you should come with us. Of course, you don't have to. I don't like the bar on a Friday night either, but it's better than being alone."

He was right: she shouldn't keep staying alone. She couldn't cry about being alone when she didn't go out when invited. But it was far more than that these days.

"I feel so weak. And shaky."

He nodded.

"I can stay with you while we're there, if you'd like. And if it's too much, I'll bring you back."

"I was just mean to you, and you'd still do that for me?"

He finally looked over at her.

"Yeah, we're friends."

She burst into tears again when he said that. Friends. Other than Sakura, she felt completely alone.

"I could use a friend..."

She couldn't see his face in the shadow of his hood. Just his glasses caught the reflection of the lit hearth. But his voice held all the emotion she needed to hear.

"I didn't know...I'm sorry..."

She began to cry harder, getting lightheaded. But she didn't care.

"That's not your fault. I'm going to die soon, anyway. My body can't take much more of this..."

She gulped for air as she screamed with grief. It was grief for herself now, more than anyone. She was weak. She couldn't rebound from losing her clan like Shikamaru did. It was killing her. She was already so dehydrated that her vision was tunneling. If she died right now, at least she wasn't alone-

And then, she felt him hug her tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Ino..."

She felt him lift her tired body further onto the bed, laying her head against the pillow. And then he slid an arm under her head, cradling her against himself with the other one. It was the closest she had been to anyone but Sakura in two years; those forced hugs at the hospital after her best friend had hooked an IV up to her, or strung a new feeding tube into her nose.

His jacket was soft against her face, and he smelled really nice. Intoxicatingly nice. Maybe it was because she was finally close to dying. Her head was pounding. She couldn't stop shaking. But at least her worst fear wasn't going to happen: she wasn't going to die alone.

"Sorry, Shino... Sorry you have to be the one here..."

She didn't fall asleep, but she couldn't remember anything after that.