I remember that night like it was just yesterday... I remember a lot of things like they just happened yesterday, but that night was different compared to most.
We had been out all afternoon. My mother and her personal assistant were always out doing something back then, so that day we had all gone shopping and then ended up at a restaurant in Beverly Hills.
We didn't get home until almost eight that evening and back then, that was really late for me to be out. So I thought it was fun and exciting, like most kids do.
But when my mother unlocked the front door of our house in Venice Beach, we were met by a group of familiar faces, all sitting in the living room... waiting.
It was my grandparents, my mothers manager, a producer and of course, Suzanna. They were all sitting in an uncomfortable silence when we walked in and my mother sent me up to my room, telling me to take all the bags and start opening the new Barbie's she had bought me.
She was a gift giver- that was her way of reminding everyone how important they were to her... It still is.
Anyway, I don't really know what happened down stairs that evening. But I sat by the door, ear pressed to the wood as I tried hard to listen to what all the adults were talking about... I know now, but back then, I was incredibly confused.
And that feeling spilled over into the next morning, when I woke up to just Suzanna and my father, sitting in the kitchen, having coffee.
"Where's mom?" I was scared- I really was, because I knew something must have happened in between the time we'd gotten home the night before and that moment... that just wasn't a normal scene, not in the slightest.
Lindsey didn't come over to my moms house, or at least when he did, he never came inside. He always stood out on the first step when he picked me up for his weekends, only saying a couple of words to Stevie as he waited for me to run down the winding staircase.
Pursing her lips to the side, Suzanna held out a hand for me to take a seat at the circle breakfast table.
"Where's my mom?" I was beginning to panic- tears already lingering in my eyes as I waited for one of them to just assure me that wherever she'd gone, she was alright... I just wanted her to be alright.
She didn't normally leave like that- she wouldn't have gone anywhere without mentioning it, and for some reason, I knew she had... She left without evening telling me goodbye and I knew that just wasn't like her.
"Your mom went with your grandparents for a couple of weeks." Suzanna was the softest soul I had ever known, and that morning was no exception.
She was kind and sensitive. She always wanted to explain things to me the best way she knew how, so that I never felt like I was out of the loop in my own existence.
"Oh..." I whispered, finally letting the tears begin to stream down my cheeks.
I couldn't remember ever being away from her for any real period of time. Sure, sometimes she was gone for a week here or there and she worked a lot throughout the day, but for the most part, Stevie was there...
I missed her already.
"Hey," Lindsey was upset too- I knew he was, because I could see it in his eyes.
He didn't admit it often back then, but he did love her... They may not have gotten along well and they had their share of issues, but that didn't mean that they didn't care about each other.
In fact, they care too much at times.
"It'll be alright, Princess." They both called me that- they had since the beginning of time and sometimes, on the occasion, they still do.
Nodding my head, I used the back of my hand to wipe away the tears. "I know."
~~~
I made Suzanna promise me that she would swing by to see us, and she didn't hesitate to agree, even though that technically wasn't her job. She didn't work for Lindsey and Carol- she worked for my mother, but I think, over time, it become more than just a job to her...
Eventually, she stopped working for the paychecks and instead, she was there because she knew that I really needed her.
"What movie are you watching?" She was standing in the living room doorway, a soft smile on her face as she lingered there, awkwardly.
Don't get me wrong, she was a good human and she was even a good step- mom, but when her and my mother would bump heads, I felt like I needed to pick sides... I always picked Stevie's- no matter what.
"Some cartoons." I was sitting on the rug, the Barbie's my mom got me in my hands and my eyes focused on the screen.
"Can I sit with you?" Looking back, she was shy, which made her more soft spoken than anything else.
"Of course." I patted the floor not far, even pushing the bowl of popcorn Lindsey had made closer for her to have some, too.
This was at the end of their relationship- very close to the end. In fact, looking back, I'm actually not even sure they were getting along then either, but at the time, I didn't really care... I wasn't worried about them.
But they had been together forever. Actually, somewhere, probably hidden, my mom has a couple of pictures of her and Carol, sitting backstage at a show.
And even though the film has faded a little, you can still tell that Stevie was so pregnant, it was incredible that she could even walk... That's how long Carol had been around- since before I had even come into the world.
"Lark?" My dads voice rang through the air just a second after Carol had taken a seat next to me.
He had been in his studio since dinner, working on a couple of my mothers songs to have finished by the time she got home. So he was busy... he was always busy.
"Yes?" I pushed myself up, carrying by Barbie with me as I followed his voice into the kitchen.
He cracked a soft smile, holding out the house phone for me. "Mama wants to talk to you."
