~S~
He was on a west bound plane before the sun even rose the next morning. He had responsibilities and I think for a couple of weeks, he really forgot about that. He pushed his life on the back burner, until she called to tell him that those headaches that she had been getting for months weren't just nothing... Something was wrong and though they didn't know what it was yet, it was pretty serious, and he needed to be there.
He needed to be there anyway, but especially then.
Anyway, since he was heading home, Karen came to me, so I could spend a couple of more days with Lark and the baby, like I had originally planned.
I wasn't going to rush, even though I did feel awfully bad for Natalie and Lindsey. It still wasn't my business- not their marriage, not their personal life, none of it, and I didn't make it my issue.
I stayed another entire week. We went to dinner, we went shopping, Lark and I even went to a musical while Karen watched Ruth. It was special, something that I never thought we would share, but am so incredibly grateful for.
However, like all good things must do, my time in the city came to an end. But when that Friday afternoon rolled around and it was finally time for my plane to leave, I was more emotional than I had anticipated... and so was Lark.
We had spent the entire night before in my hotel room, giggling late into the night, while we worked on packing my bags and watching our favorite movies. We had a sleepover that night, even Karen was there to chitchat and gossip.
I loved that, so much so that I knew that I was going to yearn for it the moment I got home.
So, I held Ruth for an hour or more before I left, memorizing all of her facial features. The blonde hair, the big blue eyes, the rosy red cheeks, the pouty lips and sweet smile. I didn't want to forget a single thing about her.
And I sang her songs, read her books and just soaked it all up.
The hardest part was, I knew it would be awhile until I saw her again... I knew she wouldn't be a little six pound baby anymore, and I was right.
It still breaks my heart when I think about it.
"Don't grow up too fast, okay?" I had tears lingering in my eyes as I stared down at the little girl who had captured my heart in the weeks that led up to that moment. "Perfect girl..." I added in a soft tone as my eyes traveled up to Larks.
She had driven us to the airport after lunch, and even though we both knew it was going to be a hard "goodbye," I was so thankful that I got a couple of more minutes with them.
"We're going to miss you so much, mom." She had been crying too- you could tell by the puffiness in her cheeks and the sad look in her orbs.
I kept that sweet baby in one of my arms as I used the other to wrap Lark up in a warm hug. "I love you both more than anything." I meant that, obviously... They were my entire world and leaving them in New York was just awful.
"I love you, mommy." She never, ever called me that, so it caught me off guard for a second. "You're the best." Lark added, which caused my heart to sink into the pit of my stomach.
"So are you." I kissed the top of her head, tears rolling down my cheeks as my eyes stayed glued on my granddaughter. "Bye, my sweet Ruthie." I whispered down to her before I carefully passed her back over to her mom. "Thank you for letting me be a part of this..."
~L~
When she left, I instantly felt alone once more. In fact, the entire way through the city, coming home from the airport, I cried more than I had in a long time.
I was worried. I was nervous. I was sad and scared... It was the first time since we had moved away that I had actually, seriously thought about packing my bags and driving back home alone... With Ruth, of course.
I needed some stability, and even though I was twenty-one, I was still incredibly oblivious to the world around me.
It was the most challenging obstacle I've ever faced.
But inside of pointing the headlights west, we pulled into the apartment's parking garage, I got out, carried the baby in and then we sat down in the living room and watched the snow fly for hours as I recounted their entire time with us out East.... I wanted it back.
I wanted that time back more than I wanted anything else.
It went too fast. It felt like it had just totally slipped right through the cracks of my fingers... I wanted to turn back time and soak it up a little more.
I wanted my mom to be in the kitchen with Ruth, singing her songs in a hushed tone, while my dad and Austin strummed the cords of their guitars out of tune.
I couldn't believe they were gone and I was left there, raising a baby.
~S~
"Did you make it home okay?" He called me not long after I'd walked through the front door and I could assume that he had already spoken to Lark, who had told him that I was headed back to California.
I don't know, but either way, I was very reluctant to answer that phone call...
"I'm home, yeah." I was a little distant and not because I was mad, or sad, or jealous or anything like that... I knew where he needed to be and what he needed to focus on, and that wasn't me.
I knew that whatever we had started out in New York was going to end, and it did- the moment he got on that plane and came home... It was over.
"I-"
"Lindsey, let's not do this to each other." I shook my head, very tired and little bit distracted. I had a million other things I needed to do. "I won't be the other woman and I don't expect you to try juggle something like this when your hands are already so full." It pained me to say that, but I did believe it at the time.
"Steph..." he let out such a deep sigh, and I don't know what he was going to say, because I didn't give him room to.
"I'll see you in a few weeks." I reminded him, even though I was certain that he couldn't forget the start of the bands documentary that we had been talking about for months. "Take care of yourself and your family."
