~S~
That was just another beginning for us- something we had done countless times before. It wasn't anything new, but in some ways, it felt like it was.
He came over that night with no intentions of leaving and I had never planned on asking him to.
So we stayed hauled up at my house for days. We didn't go anywhere... we didn't have to.
Lindsey didn't really have a place to go home to, not after he had told his wife that it was really over... or at least, that was the story that he had told me.
And I believed him, I really did. I was hopeful that he had told her the truth and that time around, things would actually be different than all the other times before.
I really wanted it to be different for us.
Anyway, that being said, it wasn't unusual and everything felt so familiar. We had done it before, so it wasn't nearly as awkward as it would be with someone else.
In fact, for the first time in a really long time, it was nice. Our relationship was easy and gentle, which is something that it hadn't been in many years.
And as crazy as it might sound, I kind of felt young again... Almost like we had gone back in time, to some extent.
However, even though things seemed to be going okay in our personal life, our tour was inevitable and keeping anything private would be impossible for much longer, so subconsciously, I think that I was growing a little more anxious as the days came and went.
"How are you so beautiful this early...?" Lindsey's voice was soft as he stared at me from across the room with the most gentle set of blue eyes.
It was well past two in the morning and even though we were set to meet the band in just a couple of hours to hit the road, neither of us had even considered going to sleep yet... It had been like that since he'd arrived.
"Oh, yeah?" I batted my lashes, unintentionally as a sheepish giggle escaped me. "You're too sweet." I was sitting crisscross applesauce on the living room rug with a cup of coffee in my hand.
I had just gotten out of the shower, so my hair was drying in natural waves, and I was only wearing one of his oversized t-shirts and a pair of old sweat pants... Nothing fancy, not with Lindsey.
He was one of the very few people in my life that I ever really trusted to see me like that... I never felt like I had to be over the top with him.
"Come sit with me?" I lightly patted the fur rug, eyes growing soft as they stayed locked with his.
He was still lingering in the doorway, also in pajamas with messy curls and tired eyes. "You alright?" Lindsey's lips turned up into a gentle grin as he pushed himself away from the frame to head through the room.
It was an awfully cold morning in March, especially for the west coast, so we had been camped out in the living room with blankets and pillows on the floor, an old movie playing in the background, and a fire lit... It was really cozy and safe.
It felt like 1973.
Nodding my head softly, I held out my free hand for him to take a seat next me. "I'm fine, honey." I whispered with a faint sigh the moment he slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me in a little closer.
He chuckled lightly, leaving the softest kiss on the side of my head. "That doesn't sound too convincing." Lindsey slowly brought his cup of coffee up to his lips, taking a sip as he continued to stare down at me.
Creasing a brow, I titled my head a tad as my eyes scanned over his facial features.
He was still the most handsome man, even though the hands of time had caused lines to form on his cheeks, his hair was turning gray and his eyes had seen more life than I really knew... He was still the man that I loved.
"What do we do now?" I finally asked the question that I had been wondering since he'd gotten to my house a few nights earlier... "What happens now that we're going back to reality?" I continued as I gently bit down on my lower lip.
I was a little overwhelmed, if I'm being totally honest. At sixty, I was over the games and I was tired of running in circles... I wanted to figure it out and I knew, no matter what, that was the end of the line for us.
If we couldn't make it work that time around, I couldn't do it again... I didn't want to do it again, even though I was still head over heels for him.
Eventually, in life, we all learn that there are certain situations where you have to put your foot down and tell yourself that enough is enough... After forty years, I was there.
He hummed lightly, moving his hand up to my hair to let it get lost in the curls as he took a moment to think about that before he replied. "What if we just spent these next few weeks on the road trying to work it out?" Lindsey was being so gentle... He had been for days and it really reminded me a lot of the man that I had fallen in love with many years earlier. "We can just..." he paused for a second as he let off another gentle smile. "We can just be with each other for awhile." Lindsey was nervous too- he would have never admitted it, but he was. "And we can find ways to make each other happy again, Steph." He was almost whispering that, but I think it was only because his mouth was so close to my ear at that point.
I swallowed hard, eyes falling closed as I nodded in agreement. "This is it, right?" I wondered, hoping to get a little reassurance.
"I can't predict the future," he left another light kiss on my temple. "But I know, for certain, you're it for me."
