~S~
You already know, obviously, that relationship eventually fizzled out. And that was okay- I moved on... I always did.
I reminded myself, which I had done many times before, that sometimes there's only a short flame in some romances. Some sparks aren't meant to stay lit and even though it's not easy to accept, I did and he had to as well.
But I have to hand it to him- for not being able to do much, he really stuck around with the hopes that things would change. And I had tried to make it work- I really did, but I found myself in the same situation that I had many times before with other men that I had dated...
We had different paths and experiences, and even though we both really put in a lot of effort, he wasn't where I was meant to end up... There was something else that I was supposed to do, though I didn't realize it at the time.
In all actuality, you really have to look at things in that light or else it can all begin to feel over bearing... the breakups, the mistakes, the regrets, the wishes and empty promises- it can be too much. You have to look at the glass half full and then move on.
Anyway, I would be lying if I said that I was heartbroken or let down, because I wasn't either of those things. I had a lot going on- so much to look forward. I couldn't allow that part of my life to ruin the other wonderful aspects.
I had put out another album and was gearing up to get back out on the road for a solo tour, which is something that I was really looking forward to.
However, when we're busy making plans, fate usually has a sweet little way of stepping in... A magical way, even.
It was May of 2001 when we got that news. I was actually getting ready for a small birthday dinner with some of my close friends when she called the house in a slight panic.
I was running late already, but I took a moment to sit down at the vanity, rollers in my hair, makeup half done and the phone pressed to my ear as I listened to her nervous chatting on the other end.
She hadn't been feeling well for a few days before and at first, she really thought she had come down with a stomach bug after a little party that she'd gone to in Manhattan... that wasn't the case.
"What?" Sharon had been sitting on the edge of my bed, patiently waiting to hear what was going on and trying her best to listen from across the room. "What's wrong?" She added, since I'd taken a moment too long to respond.
I let out a really deep sigh, setting the phone back down on the cradle as I stared down at my hands. "She's due in December." My heart was beating a mile a minute, tears already burning the brims of my eyes as my voice began to crack.
~L~
She was the first person I told- the first person I thought of. In fact, not even Austin knew about the baby until I'd already gone to the first doctors appointment alone to make sure everything was looking good.
And I was nervous- I won't lie, I was sick to my stomach about the entire thing.
We had just turned twenty- one a couple of months earlier, so we'd found ourselves in the New York partying scene fairly quickly. I had started making friends, I was still waiting tables and finishing up my nursing degree- things were looking up and a baby wasn't in my cards at the time.
Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled and so thankful, but the thing is, not once had we even discussed having children... Not at that point, at least.
"Hey, princess." My dad answered just as the call was getting ready to go to the voicemail box... per usual. "I've missed you, kiddo." He always said that, every time we spoke and I never felt like he was being totally honest... Not like my mom was when she would say it.
I nodded my head as if he could see me, a deep sigh filling the air before I replied. "I've missed you too." I had, but I was so caught up in my own life that everything out west felt incredibly far away. "How are things going?" I still remember exactly what I was doing that afternoon, only because I was incredibly anxious and overwhelmed... it was a lot.
I was sitting in the kitchen of our tiny apartment- a space I wasn't sure would be big enough to welcome a new baby, even though my mother had assured me a million times over that I didn't need to worry about that... She would handle it- that's what she had said, which made me feel even worse.
The entire point of moving across country was to be independent, but that was the last thing I felt during that time. In fact, I even considered asking Stevie to call my dad and let him know, but I couldn't do that... I couldn't ask that of her, not when I knew how complicated things were between them.
It wasn't fair of me to expect that, so I sucked it up.
"Oh, it's been alright." He let out a chuckle and I could tell, even thousands of miles away that he was distracted. "I've just been so busy with the kids and work." Lindsey's voice was distant and for a second, all I could hear was one of the kids crying in the background.
Pursing my lips to the side, I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. "Well, I'll let you go then." I didn't want to take any more of his time than I already had.
"No, Lark-"
"I can tell that there's a lot going on, so just give me a call when you're free."
