~L~
I called home every day, no matter what was going on in my life, my mother and I spoke every evening and usually it was for a really long time, but then sometimes it was simple and quick- we were both very busy. Either way, it was the highlight of my day, hands down.
Within the first couple of weeks of living in our studio apartment, I enrolled into a nursing program, found a job waiting tables downtown and was decorating my very first home exactly how I wanted... It turned out to look a lot like my mothers home out West. However, even though that part of my life was going well, I remember how lonely I was and how often I found myself crying to her.
I wanted to come home more than anything in the entire world. I missed them- my mom and my dad, that is.
I really didn't have any friends in the city and between going to school and going to work, I found it impossible to make any. And Austin knew everyone it seemed like. He had been going to New York to visit family since he was young, so he had friends in Manhattan that were coming over and work people that he was hanging out with in the evenings.
I was alone. I felt more alone than ever before and if there's one thing that I really recall in those first few months, it was her constantly reminding me that I could come home anytime I wanted and I did... I wanted to, but I knew that I couldn't.
I had just gotten married and I was happy, but I wasn't at the same time.
Looking back, I'm glad that I didn't leave. I needed to stay, because if hadn't, then I wouldn't have had you.
"It's so late there, Lark." She had a hint of concern lingering in the tone of her voice as she quietly spoke through the phone.
"I know," I was sitting at the table in the kitchenette of the apartment- holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I looked down at the canvas in front of me.
I had picked up water color painting again.... I needed something to occupy my mind when it began to work too quickly and back then, it was moving at fifty miles an hour all the time.
I was overwhelmed for a lot of years out East.
"But I'm bored and I miss you." I said that a lot- almost every time we talked on the phone.
She let out a chuckle, which was music to my ears at the time. "Well, I miss you the most." And that was what she always said, but I didn't believe her.
I didn't think she could possibly miss me more than I missed her, not when I was the one that was so far away from everything I'd ever really known. But when I became a mother, I realized, that she probably did miss me more than I could have ever really imagined.
"I can't believe it's been three months..." I whispered, creasing a brow as the tears began to fill my eyes.
I was always crying back then... Always sad, always stressed and anxious. I hated getting older.
"Seems like forever." Stevie's voice was gentle, trying to be as reassuring as possible even though I knew she was sad too. "Have you talked to your dad?" She didn't ask about him often and I hardly ever brought him up.
Once again, like it had been for years, their relationship was a sensitive topic of conversation. I don't know what was happening out there, but I do know that a couple of weeks earlier, Lindsey had mentioned that my mom had cut off all communication with him.
If they didn't see each other at work, then there was no other ties between them... It was a bit odd, but it's not something that had never happened before in the history of Stevie and Lindsey.
There were other times when they didn't speak, so I really wasn't super worried, especially not when they were still asking about one another.
They cared, even if they wanted to pretend like they didn't.
"I spoke to him the other day." I assured, because I knew that's what she wanted to hear... She wanted to make sure that I was still reaching out and I was, surprisingly. "He's doing well, but he's busy, I guess." I shrugged a shoulder, biting down on my lower lip as I thought back on the conversation we'd had.
I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I never really asked him a whole lot of questions about what was going on in his life... I just didn't really care to know and I'm sad about that now, but back then, I was young and it just didn't really phase me as much.
Of course, I knew what was going on with Stevie- I always did or at least I thought that I did. We talked about everything and anything... By the time I was twenty, secrets just weren't kept between us anymore... or maybe that was one sided.
"I'm glad he's doing okay." Stevie was hard to read sometimes, and then there were times when I knew exactly what was running through her wild mind... That wasn't one of those times.
"He did tell me that he really misses you." I wasn't playing the middle man- I didn't do that anymore, but I was going to be honest.
The sigh that escaped her was very prominent and I know that wasn't something she wanted to hear in the moment. "Your father has other things and people that he needs to worry about right now." She was stern about that- kind of harsh, actually.
Nodding my head, I really couldn't argue that. "You're a strong woman." I didn't tell her things like that often... Not because I didn't think it, but because when I said it, I always wanted her to know that I meant it.
And I did... I don't know how she did it.
She let out a soft laugh, but then this pause came shortly after. "I want to tell you something..." Stevie got serious again and I creased a brow to listen. "I've started going out with someone else."
