~L~
I don't know what was happening out West during that time... I really don't. I only knew what my parents had told me on the phone and as much as I wanted to, I found it hard to believe at times.
I hate to admit it, I really do, but when life started for me in New York, that portion of everything just sort of slipped right through the cracks of my fingers. I couldn't keep up with what was going on out there.
I knew that my mom had started dating some guy for a while- actually longer than she'd dated anyone in a long time, really. And my dad was busy with his family... He was juggling a different life- one he'd really never had before, so he was figuring it all out.
They were both going down unfamiliar paths, one where they weren't relying on each other and I think that was hard for all of us to grasp.
For a long time, it felt like all we had was one another and by then, it was different and sometimes, different is scary.
But I had learned that things happen in life and even if it's unpredictable, or not ideal, it really is what it is.
Anyway, I tried to make an effort, but eventually, it all just seemed to get lost in translation... So much, in fact, before I knew it, we were coming up on an entire year of marriage, which also meant an entire year since I'd been out to California.
"I think you should invite him, mom." I had listened to her ramble on for a couple of minutes- not voicing any opinion until I knew, for sure, that she was ready to hear it.
We talked every day but it wasn't all the time that she spoke about anything too serious on her end. She usually just listened to me talk about all the crazy things that were happening in my small life, and I was really thankful that as I began to age, she felt comfortable enough to let me listen to her.
We were becoming very good friends, which was something we hadn't always been before.
"It's been a long time since I've introduced anyone to that part of my life..." even from across the entire country, I knew how stressed out she was feeling that evening- I could hear it in the tone that lingered in her raspy voice.
She had called to tell me that one of the members of the band had decided to throw a dinner party at their home in Malibu and she was on the fence about taking the guy that she'd been dating.... she didn't want him to meet Lindsey- I knew that instantly, even though she didn't mention it aloud.
And honestly, I can see now where that could have been difficult for her.
She never talked about it with me, but I knew it still bothered her a little bit, especially after she'd gone over to my dads house one afternoon to meet the new baby.
It was a weird time and I regret not being there for her like I wanted to.
Nodding my head, I held the phone up to my ear as I leaned into the deep green colored counter of my small apartment in downtown. "If he can't accept your life for what it is, he doesn't deserve to be in it." I repeated something that she had once told me, many moons earlier... She was good with advice, she still is and back then, I found myself reverting to that more often than not.
She let out a soft giggle and I swear, I could hear her roll her eyes over the phone. "Oh, Lark..." Stevie was still grinning, which made me do the same. "Wise beyond your years." She was growing softer- not nearly as frazzled as she seemed when she was first talking about it.
"And if you're worried about dad, just remind yourself that he wasn't worried about you..."
~S~
I remember that party fairly well and not because anything super catastrophic happened, but because it was just a strange evening for me, but at the time, a lot of evenings were strange.
Half heartedly, I had decided that Lark was probably right- it was a good idea to bring him along, even though it was incredibly dangerous territory. But I was willing to try, only because for a while, I sort of seen a future with him... maybe.
"Well, look at you." Lindsey had a little smirk on his face when he slipped into the empty chair next to me at the long table that had once been occupied by so many people, I didn't even make eye contact with him.
I shifted in my seat, crossing one leg over the other as I casually glanced around the dining room.
By then, everyone had vanished to the back patio for a cocktail, so for the most part, the room was cleared out, except for a couple of people who had been hired to clean up.
And it had been a wonderful evening. The entire band and most of the crew made it out, so the conversations flowed easily and I was far too enticed with others that I had eventually forgotten how worried I had been... Until he sat down, of course.
"I'm surprised you aren't outside," he added as he leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "Your boyfriend is out there, cracking jokes." Lindsey could make me crazy and he did- more often than not, but that was one of those moments when he was really trying.
He was trying to get under my skin and I knew it right away.
I let my jaw settle, bringing my glass of red wine up to my lips to take a sip before I replied. "He is really funny, you should go learn something." I didn't look over him- I didn't have to and I didn't want to.
He looked handsome that night, but he always did. He was in a pair of blue jeans, a leather jacket, and a plain t-shirt, so nothing fancy or over the top, yet I found it impossible to focus on much else during dinner.
And he must have been staring right back, because every time I looked up, my eyes met his...
Lindsey let out a soft chuckle, causally slipping his arm around the back of my chair. "Why are we doing this to each other?" He wondered, a sigh escaping him a second later as his gaze fell to the drink in front of him. "We could figure it-"
I cleared my throat, pushing myself up to stand as I cut off his words. "It's getting late..." I mentioned, arching a brow softly. "You need to get home and pay the babysitter." My voice shifted into a more mundane tone as I grabbed my glass off the table and headed for the back door. "I have someone else waiting on me now..."
