~L~
My mother always said that she named me Lark, because she knew that I would have enough strength and stamina to fly. I think she had this dream that I would become more; maybe she thought I would also play at the O2 Arena, or sell out Madison Square Garden.
I'm not sure exactly what she had in mind when she looked down at me in that hospital bed in the Spring of 1978, but whatever it was- I always wanted to be the exact opposite.
She tried to get me to do dance classes, but I took karate courses instead. And she thought it would be cool if I learned to play the piano, but I dropped out of band class on the first day of school my freshman year.
I wanted to be everything she didn't want in a daughter and she knew that.
However, even though we fought like cats and dogs- I still never actually went to live with Lindsey... I was always all talk.
I knew, with her, that if I told her that I was leaving, I would eventually get whatever it was I wanted... just to keep me from moving.
I took advantage of it and if I could go back, I would have been easier on her.
But I was a teenager... I was rebellious.
"How was school?" She always asked about school, which drove me nuts.
It was high school... nothing was ever different or exciting.
"It was the same as usual. I got there late and skipped my last three classes." I was sitting at the dining room table, picking apart the dinner she had made... or the dinner she ordered and put in a ceramic bowl to pretend that she cooked.
She let out a sigh- I was so used to that sigh, it didn't even phase me by then. "You should really take it more seriously, Lark. School is so important." Her eyes were fixated on the table, watching as she slowly swirled the silver spoon around her cup.
"Maybe I don't want to go to school." I gave her that distorted look- the one that meant her words were just useless.... I wasn't going to listen to her advice, I never really did.
Don't worry, I usually do now.
Shrugging her shoulders, "Fine, don't go to school then." She mumbled, voice soft and tired. "I don't care, anyway." She was lying, she cared way too much, yet at that age, I didn't process it.
"Lark, you have to go to school." Suzanna was always the voice of reason in our house, even when she wasn't around, we would find ourselves saying things she had said. She was a rainbow at the end of storms for us more often than not. "If you go to school, you'll be able to become whoever you want to be." She added, lingering in the doorway that separated the dining room from the den.
Raising a brow, my mother nodded her head softly. "She's right." She let both of her hands fall on the table as she pushed herself out. "But I shouldn't say that, because then you'd just go and drop out." She half smirked, picking up her cup to head through the room.
"I'm going to my friends house!" I shouted once she was out of sight, rolling my eyes as I sank back down in the chair.
"How are you gonna get there?" She always sounded so somber, until, of course, something really set her off.
"I can drop you off on my way home." Suzanna whispered, a gentle wink following her words.
She was always on my side- I needed someone to be and I loved her for that... I still adore her for everything she did for us.
We both needed her and she was there, every time.
"Don't worry about it." I replied to Stevie as I quickly stood up to toss that food out- it sucked, anyway.
"Thank you for taking her, Suzanna." She was sitting in the den, curled up on the accent chair with her journal open and a pen in her hand.
I used to wonder what she was writing about while she was at home. Nothing ever seemed exciting enough to jot down and a part of me always thought she was just doodling.
"I'll see you in the morning, Stevie." She picked up her leather purse off the chair, giving my mother a gentle wave as she ventured through the room. "Have a good night and I'll pick up coffee before your meeting tomorrow." She added, looking back to make sure I was behind her.
"You're a life saver." Stevie called her that all the time- it was true. "I love you, Lark." The reflection of her glasses was almost all I could see since the only light she had turned on was the dim lamp on the side table.
"I love you, mom." I assured.
~S~
"Hey, beautiful." Lindsey gave me one of those smirks that always made my heart flutter.
There were moments in time that I couldn't stand him and then there were times I had never loved anyone more. He understood me and I tried hard to understand him in return.
"Hi, there." Leaning into the counter, I couldn't help but smile back. "I made dinner, if you're hungry."
I knew Lark didn't think I cooked, but I did... I did almost every night that I was home with her. And even though she pretended like she totally hated it, I knew, deep down that she just wanted to hurt my feelings as best she could.
It worked.
Nodding his head, he set his jacket down on a barstool. "I am starving." He chuckled, wrapping one arm around my waist as he pulled me in slowly.
My lips curled up and my cheeks turned red. "Did you have a good day?" I lightly touched my index finger to his lips, eyes burning into his.
Leaning in closer, his forehead met mine. "It's better now that I get to see you." He always said that and I guess I was just gullible enough to believe it, every time.
He had a way with words... It could be dangerous.
"How was your day?" His hand made its way down my back, rubbing it in slow circles.
"It was alright." I let out a deep sigh, slowly pulling away. "I can't do anything right with her." I admitted, falling back into the kitchen island.
I always felt defeated with Lark. It was like running on a treadmill- you run forever and never actually go anywhere.
He also sighed, eyes soft with sympathy. He knew how it hard it could be with her, yet at the same time, he really didn't.
"Maybe we should all move in together.... Might make life a little easier." He said it like it was so casual- like us all living together would be normal...
We had never, ever all lived together and he was crazy for pitching that idea.
I let out a laugh- it was dry and uncomfortable. "You're funny." I thought he was joking, truly.
He creased a brow, opening up the cabinet door to pull out a plate. "Why is that funny?" He grinned, moving around me to get something to eat.
"You know how Lark would react." I wanted to be a family, but I was always so worried that she wouldn't know how to handle it.
We had always been separate- Lindsey and I, that is. We had a system and for most of her life, it worked well for us.... The last thing I ever wanted to do was disturb her, even though I ended up doing it anyway.
"But I love you..." He did- I know that he did, even though he'd end up breaking my heart. "And I want to be with you..."
