~S~
It had been a while since I had dated... or at least, dated someone that I hadn't known forever and it was nice, but difficult.
There's something awful that comes with the dating process- something so boring and routine, it's always driven me slightly crazy. It was better when I was younger- it was easier. But even at almost fifty, we were having fun and I needed the fun to offset the loneliness that was lingering like a disease.
"You're so beautiful." He was sitting across from me at the table- the only thing separating us was a single lit candle, a bottle of wine and our plates.
We were at my house- we were always at my house, because going out in public was awfully hard at the time... I couldn't go out on dates, not when the public was just so public.
Tossing my head back, I let out a soft giggle. "Thank you..." I wouldn't say that I was shy, but I definitely wasn't as open as I was with other people... If you know what I mean.
"And dinner is great." He was sweet- a little bit younger than me, but still nice.
If I remember correctly, he was like thirty- five but he was thoughtful and very caring, so that little age gap didn't really matter a whole lot back then.
"Good." I nodded my head softly, bringing my glass of red wine up to my lips as my eyes fell down to the lace tablecloth.
We were outside, sitting at the small circle patio table that I had set perfectly. I was trying, but I wouldn't say that I was putting in as much effort as I would have in the past... I didn't plan to get married or anything crazy like that.
It was just nice.
"So did you have a good day?" He was a soft spoken man, which I really liked.
He cared- I could always tell. And though our relationship didn't stand the test of time, he was great and I appreciated that.
And I still think about him from time to time.
"I did, yeah." I shrugged lightly, not as talkative as normal. "I really didn't do much, but I did get to spent some time with Sharon." I added, another faint smile trailing across my face as I recounted the day that had come and gone.
"That sounds like fun." He gave me a grin, green eyes piercing into mine.
"How was your day?" I wondered, trying to make small talk as best as I could.
I wouldn't say our relationship was awkward, but I also wouldn't say it was smooth sailing either... I think he knew, very early on, that I wasn't looking for anything more than just some company occasionally.
"It was-" just as he was getting ready to tell me about his day at work, the sound of the house phone ringing caught my attention.
Creasing a brow, I quickly began to push myself up. "It's probably my daughter." I carried my glass with me, not giving him any room to say much else as I headed in through the sliding glass door.
I remember looking at the clock on the stove when I picked it up off the hook, realizing that if it was Lark, it was almost midnight there... Way too late for her to be calling unless something was wrong.
"Hello?" I didn't even look at the number- I just assumed it was her.
Lark and I had been talking every day for months and I hadn't heard from her since early that morning, so I figured she was calling to tell me about her day at work and school... She was juggling it all and I could not have been prouder if I tried.
"Hey, Steph." His voice caused my heart to sink into the very pit of my stomach.
It had been a while since he'd called, and that was probably because six months earlier, right after Lark left, I stopped answering. I didn't want to fall back into that habit of sitting around, waiting to hear from him... not when I knew there was someone else.
So we really only talked at work and I never wanted to discuss anything beyond music with him... Maybe our daughter came up in conversation once or twice, but nothing more.
I didn't want to know every detail of his life... I didn't care enough, or maybe I cared too much. Who knows?
"Hi, Lindsey..." I bit down on the inside of her cheek, tone growing softer in hopes that the man in the dining wouldn't hear me whispering... I made it more suspicious than it was. "What do you need? Is something wrong?" I wondered, trying hard not to sound annoyed but I was definitely getting there.
I wasn't sure why he would be calling my house at almost ten in the evening on a Friday night... He shouldn't have been trying to get ahold of me at all, but especially not at that hour.
We needed the distance and I had made that pretty clear months earlier.
"Um," he cleared his throat, pausing for a moment which worried me more than it should have. "The baby is here..." Lindsey's words caused my heart to sink into the very pit of my stomach, catching me incredibly off guard.
Honestly, I had totally spaced that portion of his life... I forgot about it or I subconsciously decided not to think of it? I don't know, but either way, I was shocked.
I remember feeling a tiny bit light headed as I sank into the counter to hold myself up. "Oh, good." I didn't know what to say- I really didn't. "Is everyone doing okay?" I asked a second later, trying my best to sound like I wasn't nearly as bothered as I was.
It wasn't easy and you might think I was being selfish, or whatever, but I was just a little surprised... that was all.
"Yeah, they're good." His voice was so somber... he was a little nervous, I could tell.
And I can still remember exactly what I was thinking in that moment... I was thinking about the morning he'd met Lark for the first time.
He had been there the entire night, but since we were always arguing, he had to sit out in the waiting room. And by the time she finally made her arrival, he was so excited to see her, he was right outside the door, pacing back and forth.
He was nervous. He was so nervous, he wasn't even sure he wanted to hold her at first, but he did. He sat down in the chair by the bed with Lark wrapped up in a tiny pink blanket and pointed out all her little facial features.
I knew he was going to be a great dad from the start and I knew it then too... I knew he was going to make things right for his family, because that's just how he was.
How he is.
"Well, that is wonderful and I am happy for you." I was happy for him, even though it was an awfully confusing time.
"I want you to meet the-"
"I have to go, Lindsey." I cut him off... I regret that now, I really do. "I'm having dinner, so I'll talk to you when I talk to you."
