A month feels like a long time at that age and even though I had some normalcy with Suzanna, it was still really odd.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad. He was the best and we were the greatest of friends- we still are. But back then, before we really started to bump heads, we would go and get ice cream, we spent Friday nights at the mall and the movies... He has always been a wonderful father, but I missed my mom.
I had always lived with Stevie... always. I came home from the hospital to her house on the beach, where she had spent months decorating the most beautiful nursery for me. I only know this because she made me the most beautiful baby book with pictures of every little detail to capture my childhood.
We ended up moving around a couple of times when I was young, but it was always the two of us...
She was the foundation of my live, even if hers was crumbling. She always made sure that I was steady. And I've always appreciated her for that, even if I really struggled to show it sometimes.
Now Lindsey was always there, too... He was. He was never absent, or anything like that, but I didn't live with him full time. I went over on the weekends and I spent a couple of weeks here and there, but for the most part, my home was with Stevie.
So to be away from her for a month was just weird and I'll never forget the day she finally came home.
It was a sunny afternoon and Suzanna helped me hang up a banner for her to welcome her back, and Lindsey was there, too... He was always there for my mom.
"Mommy!" I was so excited when she came through that front door.
I didn't think she looked any different. She did have her hair pulled up, which was a little unusual for her at the time, but other than that- she looked exactly the same as the last time I'd seen her.
"My girl." She melted down instantly, holding out her arms for a hug before she even made it through the foyer. "I missed you more than anything." Stevie's voice cracked the moment I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.
"I missed you the most." I really believed that there was no way she could have possibly missed me as much as I had missed her... She was my best friend and I felt out of place in the world without her.
She chuckled softly, kissing the side of my head before she stood up. "I bet you had the best time ever with dad?" I have to hand it to them, they never said things like "your father," or "your mom," even when they were arguing.
Instead, it had always seemed like they were really trying to be as civilized as possible and I appreciated that... Sometimes it didn't feel like we were a totally split family, even though we definitely were.
"We're just glad you're home." My dad did care about her and she cared about him too, but he always seemed to be the first one to show it.
She cracked a very faint smile, nodding her head as she used one hand to run her fingers through my hair. "I'm happy to be home." Stevie assured, bringing her free hand up to her face to try and hide her tears.
"Lark?" Suzanna held out her hand for me. "Let's go get those pictures you made your mother." She shielded me from a lot of things in life and I think that's what she was doing in that moment.
I tangled my fingers in hers, not taking my eyes off my mom as we trailed towards the door that separated the foyer from the extravagant dining room that we hardly ever used.
And just before we disappeared around the corner, I saw my dad pull her in for a hug.
"It'll be okay, Steph." He had always called her that and he still does, but it seems sweeter now.
Anyway, after we had come back into the kitchen with the things I'd drawn for my mom in her absence, Suzanna kind of faded out. She was still there- she was always there, but she went into the den to have some tea, while the three of us hung out in the living room.
Like I said, she didn't parent me while my parents were, but she didn't totally vanish either. She was always in the shadows, waiting until we needed her presence once more.
But it was one of those days that has always been engraved into my memory. For the first time ever, it felt like we were a family.
My dad ordered dinner, we all ate on a blanket in the living room, which was something my mother rarely allowed, and then we stayed up late, watching movies and eating ice cream sundaes.
And my parents were actually incredibly at peace that evening with each others company. There was no side eyes, or bickering, or harsh comments, or arguments... It was fun and for a second, I kind of wanted that to be reality all the time.
But that wasn't in the cards, not for a really, really long time at least... There was still a lot of life and experiences that had to be lived before there was ever any real normality for them...
~
"Don't you want to just talk to her?" Lark let out a chuckle, shifting in her chair. "She'll remember more than I do."
