~S~
So we started life without Suzanna, which was weird... I won't lie. We had her there for so long, I found myself in situations, where I'd end up calling over to her house to ask questions about things that seem simple now, but I couldn't remember then.
For example, Suzanna always took care of my plants. My inside plants and the ones right outside the front door- I never worried about them. All I did was buy them and she did the rest, so not long after she'd left, I started to wonder when they had last been watered, what I needed to do to keep them alive... were there any instructions?
When I got ahold of her, we laughed about it for ten minutes and then she came over with a piece of notebook paper in hand with all the information I needed... She was great.
Hiring her was the best thing I could have done for Lark and myself.
Now, she didn't always agree with me and I didn't always agree with her, but she was special to our family.
And when I say that we didn't agree on things, it always had to do with raising Lark. For starters, she didn't think Lark should have ever been on the road with us- she used to tell me how unsafe it was and looking back, it wasn't the best place for a kid, but that was my time with her...
I had to work... I had to give her the life she deserved and I wanted to watch her grow up at the same time.
Now, her issues with Lindsey stemmed back a little further. When they got to arguing, they were at each others throats, almost.
She was tough. When you were in the wrong, she was not afraid to tell you and she told Lindsey... a lot.
The worst fight that I can really remember was right after Lark was born. She was maybe two weeks old and Lindsey had come over to see her... He was always over back then, trying to be the best dad even under the very awkward circumstances.
You have to understand, when I got pregnant, he was already dating Carol... or they had started seeing each other. I'm not totally sure about the timeline of their relationship and I never really cared enough to ask.
Anyway, it was hard for us and Suzanna wasn't all that sympathetic with him, so they fought. They would be yelling at each other in one room, while I was rocking a screaming baby that had yet another ear infection in the other room.
But she always stuck up for me, no matter what...
Anyway, I was worried that in her absence, Lark would start to pull away from me again... I was worried that she would think I was the one that suggested that Suzanna leave because I had Karen by then, but that wasn't the case.
Suzanna had actually started having some mild health issues and she had to start seeing her doctor more regularly than before, which made her nervous... She was afraid that Lark would be attached and if something really happened, it was destroy her, so she told me that she needed to distance herself until she knew everything was going to be okay.
And luckily, not only did Suzanna tough it out and keep going well into her very old age, Lark wasn't mad at us. In fact, I think it might have brought us a little bit closer since we were both missing such a large portion of our lives.
~
It was late, after midnight and I had already found myself sitting up against the headboard, watching a movie and writing in my journal when she trailed into the room.
"Hey, mom." Lark smiled softly, already in her pajamas and bunny slippers.
She had been out with Austin for the better half of the day, but she was home in time for a late dinner, which I always loved.
"Hi, angel girl." I returned the smile, closing up my journal and setting it on the nightstand as I watched her head through the room.
"Will you braid my hair?" She held up the hairbrush and little rubber bands that she'd brought with her.
She was so carefree at that point in her life... She wasn't worried about much of anything and I was really happy for her.
"Of course, I will." I began to push myself up a little further, making room for her on the bed in front of me.
Lark climbed up, sitting crisscross- applesauce on the duvet and handing me her hair stuff. "Suzanna used to do the two French braids." She reminded me. "It makes the curls better." She suddenly wasn't eighteen in that moment... Instead, it was like she was just ten again and the only thing that mattered was our Saturday movie nights and midnight pancake dates.
I wanted those days back so badly.
Taking her long brown hair, I gently began to comb through it. "I can do that." I nodded lightly, more than happy to do so.
"Where's dad?" She paused for a moment, blue eyes on the television screen.
I couldn't help but sigh... I didn't want to admit it, but I was not going to lie either. "Dad and I were arguing a little at work this morning, so he's at home." I wasn't going to tell her all the details- I spared her, but I was honest.
It had been a long time since we had really worked together and when we would get back into rehearsal, or the studio, that was always when things began to spiral for us... Even though we'd been trying, that time was no exception.
And it wasn't overly bad, but it wasn't great either. I don't even remember what had happened, but we spent quite bit of time apart in the few weeks that followed...
"Oh..." Lark's voice grew softer, obviously a little sad to hear that as well.
"But it's fine." That was a promise- I was promising her that no matter what, we'd be okay... and we were, eventually. "Don't even worry about it." I added as I continued to twist her soft hair into the most beautiful braids I could make.
"I love you, mom." She whispered a second later, which was her promise back to me.
"I love you the most, Lark." And I did... I do.
