~S~
"We've gone through this before..." I was staring up into those eyes as my heart began to beat a little faster than before.
It was only six in the morning and my head was already spinning from an intoxicating scent of his cologne and the confusion that I felt between us.
It was always so overwhelming with us.
He nodded lightly, obviously scanning over my face, pausing at my lips and then coming back to look me in the eye once more. "I want it to be different this time." Lindsey had said that before too, but for some reason it felt more sincere in that moment than it ever had... "What if we did it right...?" He wondered as he carefully turned me around, so that my back was pressed into the counter.
Swallowing hard, my hands met his waist as he lingered right in front of me. "And how do you plan to do that?" I titled my head to the side, never looking away.
"Steph," he sighed softly as he leaned in closer, slipping both of his arms around my waist to hold me. "I want this so bad." He was just inches away from my ear when he whispered those words, causing my heart to skip a beat.
I slowly leaned my head back, only far enough to reach my hand up to his face so that I could cradle his chin and bring his eyes back to mine. "How much?" I whispered right back, more nervous than I had been in a really long time... He could still do that to me, even after forty years.
He leaned in slowly, pressing his lips to the tip of my nose. "I am so in love with you, baby." That was his way of saying a lot.
"I won't have another affair." I had tears in my eyes as I held his face close to mine for a long moment. "I can't have another affair, Lindsey." I repeated in a very gentle whine, shaking my head in defeat.
I was overwhelmed, I really was and I'm sure you can assume why.... At almost sixty, being the other woman really ideal anymore.
"I'm not asking you to." His voice so soft and genuine- I was just putty in his hands. "I don't want that either," he added as his hand slipped up my back and got lost in my curls.
Creasing a brow, my forehead met his chest as he continued to rub my head softly. "What do you want then?" I needed to hear him say it- I wanted him to be honest with me.
He paused for a second, kissing the top of my head as he gently rocked me back and forth. "I want what I have always wanted," he squeezed me softly, which caused butterflies to form in the pit of my stomach. "A life with you."
Believe it or not, Lindsey had never, ever said anything like that to me before, not in all of our years together. Of course, we had shared very sentimental moments and words of affection in our relationship, but never anything quite like that... Never anything that gentle, so I knew, immediately, that he wasn't speaking on a whim.
He meant that.
"We-" he was getting ready to continue, but the sound of one of the bedroom doors creeping open caused him to pipe down.
"Linds..." I patted his back lightly, shaking my head as I brought my free hand up to hide how emotional I had become.
He slowly pulled away, still looking down at me as he fell back into the counter to act like we hadn't just shared a moment. "I'm serious." His voice was only loud enough for me to hear as he reached back to grab his cup of coffee. "We'll really figure it out this time." He was promising me that- I could feel it.
My heart was still racing as one hand met his arm and the other hand wiped away some of my tears. "I'm in love you, too." I whispered back as I slowly pushed myself away from the counter right before Lark came through the doorway.
I didn't want her to know anything that was going on, not when life was already very difficult... She was always catching the short end of the stick and I didn't want her to feel weighed down by the burden of our issues, once more.
She needed to worry about what was happening in her life, not ours.
"There's our girl." The way Lindsey greeted her with a smile and a welcoming tone of voice was just as convincing as I had hoped... He didn't want to disturb her either.
"Hi, sweet baby." I cracked a little grin as well, taking the seat that I had abandoned at the circle table as I watched her step into the room.
She chuckled lightly, tired eyes just adjusting to the morning light as she stuffed her hands into the pocket of her hoodie. "Good morning, folks." Lark was totally exhausted- mentally and physically, it was very obvious by the way she had been carrying herself.
"Your hair looks cute." Lindsey teased her lightly, pulling gently on one of her long braids the moment she came close enough to grab the end.
She giggled quietly, shaking her head before a deep sigh escaped her. "Move over, I want a cinnamon roll." Lark playfully nudged him out of her way, which caused them both to chuckle in return.
She had been a mess since Austin had passed and while she was more inclined to talk to me about the deeper, more sensitive subjects, Lindsey was able to bring out the carefree side of her... I was so thankful for that and I think she was too.
She needed someone to laugh with, even in the most difficult situations and her dad was definitely that person.
"Mama?" Ruthies little voice came flooding down the hallway as the sound of her two feet hitting the hardwood floor followed. "Grandma?" She was whispering it as she hurried out of her room to find us.
"We're in here, Ruth." Lark was heading back through the room, carrying her plate in one hand and a balled up tissue in the other.
"What about me?" Lindsey chuckled softly, scrunching up his nose in a playful manner the moment Ruth slipped into the room on her socks.
"You're old news." I teased, which caused another round of soft laughs to fill the air around us.
"Grandpa!" Ruth proved that wrong the second she ran towards him, holding out her arms to be held.
"Ruthie!" He gasped playfully, scooping her up off the ground.
"So sweet." I smiled lightly, watching them from a distance as they began to immediately chitchat about the dream that she had, while Lindsey got her a plate down from the cabinet.
And in that moment, I realized, for the first time in a long time, just how much I really did love him... I wanted to make it work too, even though I knew that it would never be easy for us.
I really wanted to try again.
