~S~
She wanted a simple dinner at home. She didn't want anything fancy, or over the top and while I found that nearly impossible to do, I really did try my best to make it as causal as I could.
When your only child is getting married, usually you want to throw them the perfect wedding. For years, I had imagined that Lindsey would walk her down the aisle of a beautiful venue that we spent months searching for, only to spend hours decorating. And I figured we'd have a huge party right after with all the people we loved, drinking finest champagne and dancing well into the night.
But we don't always get what we want or hope for and this was a good example of that.
So, we gave her the next best thing. Early that morning, before we left for the wedding, my parents helped Karen and I set up the long patio table for a party of thirteen outside, right under the lit up fairy lights... I left an extra chair- just in case she decided to change her mind and invite someone else to attend... someone who would eventually be a very big part of her life, but she didn't.
She was a stubborn girl- she still is, but I really do think that she's gotten softer as she's aged.
Anyway, I also dusted off one of the fine china sets that I hardly ever used, set up a line of tall candles in the center, and used some of those flower arrangements to set the table perfectly. I thought it was beautiful . Not too much, but not too little, either.
I think it was a special evening for a very special girl.
"It was such a nice day." Suzanna was sitting right next to me, voice soft as she said what I had been thinking.
Nodding my head, I remember taking a look around the table, a smile on my face as I leaned back in the chair. "It was wonderful." I was cradling a glass of red wine- my second or third of the evening.
My nerves were a little crazy.
"You have done it right, sweet girl." She only ever called me that in really serious moments- when she really wanted me to listen and know whatever she was saying, it was coming from the heart. "She's someone to be proud of." She added, motioning across the table to my daughter...
She was sitting right in between her husband and her grandmother, who was talking her ear off. They were having a very serious conversation about the Tiffany lamps that Barbara had wanted her to take to New York... My mother was always sending her the most beautiful home decor, even far after she'd ventured off to the East Coast.
And you can imagine how thrilled she was when Lark eventually gave us a tiny baby to send things to...
But anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself- this was way before any of that was even thought of.
"She is." It was easy to agree with her, because I was proud, but I was also sad and I had good reason to be. "She's my world." I whispered as I brought my glass up to my lips to take another sip.
~L~
Nothing about it was traditional. Not a thing.
We got married, we all had dinner and then Austin went home with his parents to finish packing his things for New York and I stayed back with mine, doing to the same.
And I will always cherish those last couple of days I spent with them before we left... That was the last time we were all together when the immediate only consisted of the three of us.
After that, life would happen awfully fast and it would no longer be just Stevie, Lindsey and I...
Anyway, we spent that entire night packing all the essentials into my suitcases and I really wasn't taking much. I had my clothes, the records my parents had gifted me through the years, the lamp my grandma insisted I take along for the journey and a box of my favorite family photos.
I didn't need everything, because I knew I would always have that bedroom at her house. She had promised me, from the moment I had announced that I was moving, that I would always have a place to come back home to, especially when life felt overwhelming. And that made me feel safe... Made me feel like it was okay to leave.
And there were times along the way, when I did find refuge in the safety of that house in Santa Monica... I still do and that's why I'm here now, with her.
"Look, Lindsey." Stevie was sitting on my bedroom floor and he was right next to her, both of them crisscross- applesauce on the carpet with a pile of pictures in front of them.
They had been there for hours.
He glanced over, a soft smile on his face as he stared down at the old, slightly crumbled up picture in her hand. "Seems like yesterday." His voice was very somber, which was kind of rare for him back then. "Look at you..." he nudged her playfully, eyes scanning over her side profile.
She let out a soft giggle, raising a brow as she nodded in agreement. "We were so young." Stevie flipped the picture around to show me, and even though I was busy folding up clothes that had been scattered across the bed, I paused to look.
And it was times like that, that I found myself wondering what was going through their minds when they shared moments like that...
How they were able to look beyond all the chaos was just crazy to me sometimes, but it was also so appreciated.
"I love that one." I did and I do.
In fact, I still have it and for many years it was framed in the foyer of my New York City penthouse, sitting on a buffet table.
It was a picture of the three of us- I didn't have many when I was that young, so that one was really special to me. I was little, maybe one or two and we were in Hawaii. There were palm trees in the background and even though it wasn't colored, I could tell it was a beautiful day... because they were both smiling.
"We miss you already, Lark."
