~L~
I didn't really want to talk too much after that. I had nothing else to say in the moment, so we just sat across from one another in comfortable silence and ate lunch like nothing had ever happened.
Looking back, it kind of makes me laugh, because that afternoon really reminded me of the weekends that he would pick me up from Stevie's when I was just a teenager and we would have absolutely nothing to talk about. I was always so grumpy- just kind of mad at the world, like everyone else I knew at the time... I think it was a trend in the 90's. Anyway, if we tried to have conversation, I would just end up rolling my eyes and telling him to take me home, so we both decided it was best we didn't talk...
That meal was very similar.
But after he had paid the bill, we headed for the car, and I finally felt more open to discussing the elephant in the room.
"So what are you thinking?" I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car, having spent the first couple of the minutes just staring out the window as my mind reeled. "Do you think you're going to get a divorce and then mom is just going to be waiting there for you, with open arms?" I creased a brow, turning my head to the left to look at him.
I was a little conflicted about the entire situation... Annoyed and not sure I knew what he was actually hoping for.
Did he want to get married to her? Did he think she'd just accept this...? She hadn't been sitting on the edge for him to get a divorce, nor had she ever been the marrying type... She'll tell you that herself, so I didn't really get his way of thinking.
"No," he shook his head, one hand on the steering wheel as the other held his to- go cup of coffee. "No, I don't expect that at all." Lindsey admitted, which kind of surprised me...
Creasing a brow, I pursed my lips to one side as I squinted lightly. "Good, because that would be really stupid of you." I never held much back with them- when I thought something, I usually told them, especially in moments like that. "You can't expect her to just want a relationship after you-"
"I never said that." He cut me off, a soft laugh following his words as he glanced over for a brief second. "I don't expect anything from her." He added in the most genuine tone of voice. "I just don't think it's fair to be married, taking up someone else's time and life when I'm still so in love with the same woman that I have been forever." Lindsey was being honest- I don't know how I could tell, but I just knew...
He meant that and for some reason, it felt different than all the other times.
"And maybe your mom doesn't want anything serious..." he shrugged a shoulder, almost like he had really thought it all through, which surprised me a little.
Sometimes I felt like they made decisions on a whim and the majority of the time, I really think they did. When it came to one another, they seemed to lose sight of reality and they'd get so caught up on whatever they had created, the rules of life would just go out the window...
Not that time, which was a sigh of relief. I was so tired of seeing them hurt each other over and over again, when it never should have been that hard...
They had always loved each other, they just struggled to show it at times.
"And what if you're right? What if she doesn't want anything more?" I was pushing and looking back, it really wasn't my place, but... Someone had to care.
He paused for a second, sucking in his lower lip as he thought about that for another second. "Well, I'll just have to accept that." Lindsey was so calm and collected that afternoon- I was impressed, actually. "I have never asked her to wait around for me and if she really given up on us, I'll be happy for her."
~S~
"Your hair is getting so long, grandma." Ruth was sitting on the couch, having asked me to take a seat on the floor in front of her so she could practice braiding. "It's very pretty." She added as she carefully twisted my blonde locks, focusing hard and trying to remember every step that I had taught her earlier in the summer.
Chuckling softly, I nodded my head very gently. "I really appreciate that, sweet girl." I kept a soft smile on my face, trying to hold still as I stared down into my cup of coffee.
Suzanna had called me early that morning to tell me that she had Ruth and since she already knew what had happened with Lark, she invited me over to her house for breakfast.
The thing about Suzanna was that she had always held up a strong front of being stern and serious, even though she was a real rule breaker. She always had been... Don't tell Lark that though.
She wasn't innocent, not by any means...
Anyway, she never really picked sides with Lark and I, even when she wanted to at times. She knew it had always been a very complicated relationship, so she tried to play the fence line with us.
And I was so thankful that morning that she choose my side... I was so thrilled that she allowed me to come spend a little more time with my baby before she headed back out East.
"Why can't we live closer?" She wondered in a very soft tone of voice. "Why do we have to live so far away from you?" She knew that she was getting ready to leave- she had already been with her mother for a few days and that always meant that the summer was drawing to an end.
Sighing softly, I slowly glanced up, eyes melting into Suzanna's from across the room.
She was sitting on the loveseat, a soft smile on her aging face as she sipped from her cup. She had to have been close to 75 by then, so her hair was all gray, she had smile lines and forehead wrinkles, but she was still such a safe place in my life... in everyone's life, actually.
I didn't know this until much later, after Suzanna had already passed that Lindsey had even confined in her quite a bit around that time, too... I guess there were afternoons that he went over to her house and they talked for a long time about his divorce, and everything that came with that weird portion of his life.
She was a soft spot in a difficult world.
"I don't know, Ruthie." I usually didn't admit that.
I would have normally just said something slightly whimsical about how Lark grew up, spread her wings and moved far away from her father and I to start her own life... But I didn't.
"Well," she kind of arched her brow as she grew so serious. "When I get big, I'm not gonna leave you anymore."
