In The Shadows

17.2

KIM

"Let me get back to my story," I say, and I see they have poured themselves another drink, too.

"Chay and I had a delightful meal together, and he had a good time. He enjoyed it so much that the place became one of his favorite spots. Tay met Chay for the first time, but I kept the fact that Chay was Porscha's younger brother a secret. I didn't want it to get out that I was seeing Chay, not only to my crazy fans but to anyone associated with the Mafia. I felt the need to protect our connection and Chay at all costs. So I didn't let Tay see; I didn't want anyone who knew me and who I was to slip up, making Chay find out."

"I am a coward for many reasons, all caused by Chay, one of which was I was scared of what Chay would say if he found out I killed people and tortured them till I got what I wanted out of them. I was scared he would turn away from me once he found out. I was dead set that he never found out anything about me that I didn't want him to."

"After dinner, I took him home and then went home. Even though I wish I could have spent more time with him. Since I knew I wouldn't get to see him during exam week this week, it was the longest week of my life. But him being the nerd he is, he wanted it that way. School comes first to him, and that's another reason why I love him. I knew school would come first to him before I did. It will probably be that way when he starts working, too. Chay is a hard worker who excels in what he does."

"We did message each other every day, and I mean every day. We messaged each other every day without fail. I did the same from the moment he woke up until he went to sleep. We called each other frequently and exchanged good morning and good night messages. I made sure he ate something and helped him with his music whenever he needed it. But I missed him. I really fucken missed him.

On the day his results were announced, I was extremely occupied with my work for a promotion on Wik. I couldn't find time to talk to him, and I regretted ignoring his message, but I knew Chay would want me to put my work first. Apart from being busy, I also became indecisive and confused about what I should do with Chay and what I should avoid doing."

"I didn't know how to pursue him or if I should. It was a never-ending battle. One, I have grown tired of fighting. I also know it's not over and will never be over for me. Cause tomorrow, When he comes here, I'll be coming with him, and everything will be revealed." I felt like I was going to be sick. To lose him is going to hurt, but I know it is for the better. Even with how I feel now, I know I still haven't grasped the whole of it.

"That day, when he got his results. The message he sent me the day before. Chay asked me if I was available to chat, that he had something to talk about, and I didn't know if he was going to tell me he liked me or not. He said he would tell the person he liked that he liked them when he passed his exams. I didn't know if I was ready to hear him confess. Or if it was me, I was still very insecure and feared it wasn't me, and I was fooling myself the whole time. I still have doubts that I was the one he liked. I  still feel as if I have imagined everything even now. I was scared."

"I have never felt scared or doubtful for as long as I can remember."

"When I was done that day, I hurried up and got in my car. One of my employees said that he was waiting for me at my studio. I sped to it even though I was super nervous. That whole ride there, I contemplated telling him I was too busy that I couldn't make it."

" Also, on my way there, I got a message from one of my schoolmates saying that Porschey had gone by the school to get some papers and then my friend. I guess you could call him. He took him to the music room and gave him a little tour. Chay sang for them, and he performed from what he sounded like. " I smile, remembering how Boon described Chay when he sang there. " It only sucked that I wasn't there to see it for myself. He said there was a crowd, and everybody came running up to him when he finished. Even the star of the faculty and the jealousy reappeared."