Revenge of the Villainess

36-Here Now

TANGHALI na nang magising si Janessa. Kahit na nakasara ang blinds ng silid ay may kaunting liwanag na nakasiwang kaya't alam niyang maliwanag na. Kinapa niya ang side table at naroon ang remote na hinahanap niya. She clicked on the button. Bumukas ang ilaw ng silid at ang blinds. She sighed and stared at the swimming pool outside the glass wall. Naupo siya at sumandal sa headbord ng puting kama. Kumirot ang ulo niya kaya't napangiwi siya. She checked the small alarm clock on the bedside table and saw that it was past 1 in the afternoon. Dahan-dahan siyang bumangon sapo ng dalawang kamay ang ulo na mabigat at masakit. Dumiretso siya sa banyo. She sighed as she saw how the bathroom looked like. Kagaya ng silid at ng view sa labas ng kwarto, alam niyang ipinasadya ni John ang villa na iyon. Naalala niya ang usapan nila ni John noon tungkol sa disenyo ng gusto niyang bahay. Iyon ay noong gabing pumayag na siyang magpakasal sila.

"I want everything to be color coordinated and with a theme pero kada kwarto lang, hindi as a whole. I want our house to look neat and tidy at all times. Gusto ko rin sana maluwag lang, walang masyadong gamit and displays and if kaya na nakatago ang mga closet parang sa Japan, they make everything look bigger kahit small space lang." Tumango lang si John sa lahat ng sinasabi ni Janessa.

"You can design our interior and even the house itself if you want. We'll hire help if needed. Ikaw ang magiging Reyna ng tahanan kaya dapat lang na gusto mo ang lahat ng parte nito, lalo na ang Master's Bedroom and Bath," nakangisi namang sagot ni John sa kaniya.

Napangiti si Janessa at tumango.

"For our bedroom, I just want a King-sized bed para kapag may anak na tayo, we can all sleep together. I want our room's toilet and bath to be all glass. If may tiles, make it light blue para neat tingnan. I don't want a hot tub inside our room, big shower lang na may water jets kagaya ng nasa hotel room mo dati. Gusto ko rin kung may swimming pool, makikita ko sa kwarto paggising. Our room's interior will be glass- themed din and white and light blue with lots of space. Our closet will be big para we can have a shared space pero dahil marami kang gamit at damit mas malaking part ang sa'yo."

She shook her head and tried to bury that memory. It was useless recalling them now dahil nakaraan na iyon. Kahit pa sinunod ni John by the letter ang gusto niyang itsura ng kwarto nila, wala nang saysay pa. He would soon get married to another woman habang siya, bitter, galit at nasasaktan na lang habangbuhay.

She groaned and removed the robe she was wearing maging ang underwear na suot. She picked them up at itiniklop at ipinatong sa lababo. She looked at herself in the mirror in front of the sink. Maga ang mata niya at sabog-sabog ang make-up. She looked like she came from hell. Sabagay, naisip ni Janessa na she feels like she was bad enough to be punished in the fiery pits. Sa lahat ng pinagagawa niya at taong nasaktan at dinamay niya, she deserved it.

"Pull yourself together, Nessa. 'Wag kang panghinaan ng loob. You hate him. You hate them. They deserve your wrath," nakatitig sa mukha niya sa salamin, napabuntonghininga siya. Binuksan niya ang gripo. Inilagay ang dalawang kamay sa tumutulong tubig habang nakatingin pa rin sa mukha.

"Is this really what you want?" tanong ni Janessa sa sarili sa salamin.

"Are you sure you're still up for more pain and suffering? Hindi ka pa ba titigil, Nessa?"

She hated herself for doing this pero hindi niya maiwasan. Walang ibang makausap at walang ibang mapagsabihan ng sama ng loob, she could only rely on herself. She once considered seeing a psychiatrist for help pero tuwing maaalala niya ang lahat ng pinagdaanan niya, nawawalan siya ng lakas ng loob. She was afraid to know more about what she was feeling and how to cope with her anger. Natatakot siyang ma-judge na naman ng ibang tao. She just wanted to do whatever she think is right para sa kaniya.