All I hide

Chapter 19

I should've realised that Alex wouldn't drop it. After we came home, he's been following me around everywhere and trying to get answers. "Can you please leave me alone?" I ask again when he approaches me as I pack my bag for tomorrow.

"Will you tell me who you were thinking about?" He hugs my arm so I have to look at him.

"Why does it matter so much?" I sigh and turn so we're standing opposite each other. His eyes are sparkling in a cheeky way and his smile is playful.

"I just want to know."

"You've never shown this much interest before."

"Because your love life was non-existent before," he points out bluntly. "No one was interested in you or you them."

"Listen," I say softly. "I really don't think I'm ready for that now. I want to work on healing and learning to love myself and life again."

Alex nods, taking a step back from me and lowering his head. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Guilt immediately hits me. Does he think I'm upset? "Hey, it's okay. I can still tell you about him."

"You will?"

"Sure." We sit on my bed and he leans his head on my shoulder. "So several weeks back, John introduced me to his friends."

"He must've realised your only friend was him and was worried you'd get lonely when he wasn't there." His tone is teasing but there's truth in his words. Except John, my other friends got impatient and gave up on me when I became too withdrawn after what happened. I've not bothered reaching out to them again since I never really felt any attachment to them.

"You met Elijah today and there's Elliott and Reina too. Reina's mute but sarcastic and witty and we have great banter. We text each other a lot and she's befriended Catherine too. Elliott is..." The more I think about him, the more confused I get. The way he looked at me that day and how he didn't push me to talk about it. But not just that day though, now more images come to mind – things I brushed off before but didn't really forget. The times I caught him staring and the soft smile he'd give me when I did. His harmless flirting that I never entertained and John always scolded him for. "He's more sincere and genuine than he appears. I can't figure him out."

"So you were thinking about Elliott?" Alex grins at me, the cheeky glint back in his eyes. "That's who John meant, didn't he? When he told me we'd end up being your wingmen soon."

"I don't know! Elliott's a friend, just like Elijah and Reina. I've not known them that long, just these past couple of months. He confuses me, that's it."

"But...but if you do end up liking him like that, can I be your wingman then?"

"Why does it matter so much?" I repeat my question from before.

"Because it does. Oh but any future boyfriend you do have, whether it's Elliott or someone else, make sure they know that I'm your favourite person. I'm number one and they can be whatever other number after that."

"Duh. You've always been number one."

This fills him with pride and he turns to an imaginary camera, gesturing to himself as if there's a crowd cheering for him before winking and blowing a kiss. Then he whips back towards me. "And I'll always be number one."

****

March arrives but there's still a chill in the air, as if the winter season isn't ready to let go yet, so after stepping out of the front door I immediately head back inside to grab my coat.

"That was fast," Jacob smirks at me from the stairs.

"I've not gone anywhere yet. Forget to get this." I show him my coat then put it on. If I don't speed up I'm going to be super late. I need to be at the library in fifteen minutes to meet my friends so we can study together, well individually but in each other's company.