All I hide

Chapter 46

I sit frozen on the living room carpet a week later, staring at my phone as it rings. This cannot be happening. I refuse to believe this is happening. It can't be. Not now.

"Aren't you going to pick up?" Alex asks as he walks into the room, followed by Jacob. One look at me tells them both that something isn't right. Alex glances at my phone and falls to his knees beside me. "No way. This can't be happening."

"Is it..." Jacob picks up my phone and unexpectedly answers the call. "Hello?" He keeps his voice neutral, seeming almost bored. "Sam? She's..." I shake my head at him. I kept saying I wanted to meet Dad but now I'm too stunned to even talk to him. "She's busy right now... No she can't come to the phone... Why? What do you mean why?" Jacob's expression becomes colder until he's icily glaring at something abstract. "Where were you when she kept calling you? You didn't even bother to call back or text. Auntie died and your kids needed you but you didn't care. Don't try to play the parent card now." He laughs darkly, so full of pure hatred. "It was nice to catch up. All the best, Uncle." He hangs up and tosses the phone on the sofa before joining me and Alex on the carpet. "What a piece of –" he glances at Alex and cuts himself off.

"Sam are you okay?" Alex leans his head on my arm. "I never thought he'd call you."

"I didn't either. I'd fully convinced myself he never would."

"Maybe he thought he'd try you since he couldn't get through to John or Alex." Jacob's tone is clearly annoyed but it's no longer icy. "How stupid. Is he going after you all one by one? If he just spoke to Mum and Dad, they could reach an agreement."

"I don't understand," I murmur. "All this time has passed so why now? I wanted this so badly but now it's happening look at me. I couldn't even answer the damn phone."

"It's okay," Alex reassures me. "Maybe next time...I mean no one forced me to meet Dad so no one will stop you when you're ready. Right Jacob?"

"Sure I guess."

"Jakey," he says more firmly.

Jacob sighs then shuffles closer to me, a silent way of telling me I can rest against him if I want to. "Truthfully," he admits softly, "I'd rather you stay away from him but if you're certain you want this then I won't stop you. Maybe it will give you closure and you can leave this all behind."

Do I still want this though? I was so determined in my letters to Mum, telling her I'd see him in a heartbeat, but I'm not so sure now. I don't know if it's everyone else's reactions making me unsure or my reaction just now. "I need time. He called so suddenly and I..."

"It's okay, Sam. I'll talk to Mum and Dad and we can figure this out together. Please don't stress yourself out."

"Why do want to meet him though?" Alex asks curiously. "Don't you hate him?"

"I... I said harsh things the last time I spoke to him. Maybe he deserved it but I don't want to leave it like that. I guess doing this would be more for me than for him."

"If this gives you peace, go for it. I don't want any of this to trouble you anymore."

****

"Don't do this." John's voice is firm and his expression gives nothing away.

"I think I have to." I try to stay calm and not fidget nervously with the cushion on my lap. Last night Jacob told his parents what had happened and we discussed everything together. I told them I know they won't like it but I want to meet Dad just once. I want to speak to him just once and then I can finally close this chapter. They eventually agreed and afterwards I texted Dad casually as if I missed his call and didn't know Jacob answered on my behalf.