All I hide

Chapter 20

I've finished my classes for today but instead of going home with Catherine like I usually do on a Wednesday, I'm going by myself instead. She's in the year above me and her final exams are coming up in June so she's been attending revision classes. I head down the stairs and walk through the corridors, passing both strangers and people I recognise from high school.

"– hanging out again. I don't know why he forgave her and kept trying so hard, she was such a bitch to him."

"Shh she's right there. She's going to hear you."

I glance in the direction the voices are coming from and see two girls I know from high school. What are their names again? I remember one of them had a crush on John.

"So? She just ditches him one day and doesn't even care how much it broke him. Then takes him back like it's nothing? I don't know what he sees in her."

"Maybe something happened. She didn't ditch him overnight."

"But she did though. Dropped him like he like he's dirt on her shoe."

They're gossiping about me and John, I realise and stop walking. I know it's silly of me to let their words affect me since they know nothing but my gut pinches and heart twists painfully, rooting me to the spot. John's forgiven me. We've talked it all out. There's nothing to feel scared about. Grey is beautiful. Grey is beautiful. Grey is bea –

Someone comes behind me and covers my ears. "Shut up," the male voice says to them coldly. "It's none of your business."

"And what would you know?" the girl retorts.

"Clearly more than you. I can see why John never gave you the time of day."

With that, he takes my hand and leads me out of the building, not sparing another glance to the embarrassed girls behind us. We stop by the large tree in the boulevard and I pull my hand out of his.

"Sam," he says slowly. "They don't know what they're talking about. John loves you. You're really precious to him."

It takes a moment for his words to register and when they do I look up at him, my green eyes meeting hazel ones as I break out of my trance. "Elliott."

"Yes, Sam, it's me."

"I...you...they –" I splutter stupidly, trying to make sense of what just happened. One moment I was walking, then those girls were talking rubbish then Elliott came out of nowhere and defended me. Now we're here and I'm making a fool of myself.

"You're okay," he continues softly and reaches out to brush his thumb along my cheekbone. "They're gone and I'm here. You can trust me."

"No but they were right though. I was so terrible to him."

"But you were good to him before that and you're good to him now. I don't know everything that happened but you were both hurting and trying to deal with it in your own ways. You can't blame a sad person for feeling sad or someone who's in pain for hurting."

"But you can blame the one who caused them to feel that way."

"Listen, you don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to. All I ask is that you be kind to yourself and honest when you're feeling down. We can go do something fun and drag the others along too."

I'm not sure how to respond, feeling that same stir I did when John told me he trusts Elliott. Now Elliott's telling me that I can also trust him. Maybe I can but slowly. I'm not ready yet for him to see how much of a mess I am.

"You know..." he trails off as something behind me catches his attention. Taking a step back, he drops his hand and instantly I feel cold. "Elijah's coming. Shall we go to a café?"

"Okay."

****

When I go back home, my mood has improved a little but it's clear everyone can tell something is troubling me. I sit on the sofa beside Alex and he puts his head on my lap, letting me play with his hair as we watch whatever is on TV. I don't recognise the cartoon but he seems to be enjoying it.

"Where did you go today?" he turns his face to look at me.

"You mean after college? Elliott took me and Elijah to a café."

"Did you have fun?"

"I guess." He frowns at my answer, wanting more details, but I smile secretively instead, saying nothing and pretending to be interested in the cartoon.

"Sam tell me!" he whines when his curiosity gets the better of him.

"There's not much to say. We had coffee and cakes and spoke about stuff."

"So nothing happened between you and Elliott?" he sits up and looks at me demandingly.

I think about how he defended me and reassured me despite not knowing the whole story. The sincere look in his eyes, his soft voice and gentle touch, the things he said. Doesn't matter that we're recent friends; I'm important to John so also important to him. It's as simple as that. Is that also why Elijah and Reina befriended me so easily? I wonder how the four of them came together. But of course, this isn't what Alex is asking about so I shake my head. "Not anything like that but there were some girls saying stuff about me...unpleasant stuff...and he stood up for me."

"What did they say?"

"It doesn't matter now." I smile at him reassuringly and ruffle his hair.

"But it's still bothering you isn't it?" he notices and shuffles closer to cuddle with me, his arm going around my front and head on my chest. "It's okay. I'm here."

"I know," I chuckle lightly and hold him closer. "Next time I hang out with them, do you want to come?"

"That wouldn't be weird?"

"Why would it? I've met all of your friends haven't I?"

"Yeah but that was when you were dropping me off somewhere or picking me up."

"There's no pressure if you really don't want to. I just thought that since you've met Elijah you might want to see Elliott and Reina too."

"Only if you and John get me ice cream after."

"Sure."