My phone buzzes again and I sigh, assuming it's Elliott asking for attention, but it's John.
John: Hey. I wanted to wait until you brought this up yourself but it's Mum's birthday tomorrow and she wants to know if you and Alex want to come over.
I think about it for a moment. Going to John's house has been on my mind for a while and it just simply hasn't happened yet. I don't know how Alex feels about it though. He hid behind John in the café when Anja and Anna suddenly turned up, only speaking to Anna. We've not really spoken about it much. Asking him to meet John wasn't so difficult because he's always looked up to him but I don't know if I can say the same for Anja. Our mother's best friend who's always treated us like her own. The one friend who refused to give up on her. The only reason she's never forced her presence on us all this time is out of love and respect. For Mum. For us.
Not wanting to reach a decision without asking Alex first, I put my phone away and curl up in my seat, my eyes going to whatever Jacob and Alex are watching on TV. I lose interest quickly so get up to grab a book from the shelf before returning to my seat. It's a book I've read a few times before and one of my favourites: A Court of Thorns and Roses. The entire series is intriguing, the plot thick, characters complex and emotions even more so.
It doesn't take me very long to become lost in the book and I'm nearly halfway through when the sky turns dark and someone pulls the book out of my hands.
"Alex." I frown at the boy in front of me, who's giving me the stupidest grin he's ever given me, teeth fully on display and eyes almost closed, his auburn hair a floofy mess.
"Sam!" He puts the book beside me and grabs my face, squishing it. "Stop frowning or you'll get wrinkles."
"So will you if you keep grinning like that," I try to say, prying his hands off my face.
"Yes but mine will be happy and yours will be ugly."
"Did you want something?"
"No." He shakes his head, messing up his hair further, then sits on my lap like he used to when he was younger, leaning against me as he stares at something abstract on the wall opposite us. "It's Anja's birthday tomorrow."
"It is." I put my arms around him and he snuggles into me. "How would you feel about going over?"
He stiffens for a second. "To John's house?"
"Yeah. He asked me if we want to go."
"What did you say?"
"I haven't replied yet. I wanted to ask you first."
Alex doesn't reply for a while then shifts on my lap so he's sitting sideways and can look at me. "Yeah let's go."
"Are you sure?" He's not just agreeing for their sakes right? I don't want to take him over only for him to be uncomfortable the entire time.
"I'm sure." A smile tugs his lips slightly. "It will be nice to play with Anna again. Wow. I guess I'm not the youngest anymore."
"I guess not."
He leans against me again, his head on my chest and arms around me. "Sometimes, I feel like Anja took more care of us than Mum did."
I'm not sure how to respond to that so I hold him against me and we stay like that, in each other's arms, until we both fall asleep.
****
My apprehension grows as we walk up the path to John's house. We haven't been here for over two years. Alex grabs my arm as I ring the doorbell, standing slightly behind me.
"You okay?" I ask him quietly.
"Yeah. I'm just hoping John answers the door so I have more time to prepare myself."
"Me too."
The door opens and fortunately it is John who greets us, flashing us a wide smile, his eyes sparkling. "You guys actually came!"
"Of course. I said we would so here we are."
He lets us in and we take off our coats and shoes, Alex staying close to me as we go to the living room. Anna is sprawled on the rug colouring in her book while singing to herself, kicking her feet in the air.
"Anna look who's here," John says gently, using that soft tone only older siblings have.
She turns to us and her eyes go wide before she springs up and hurtles towards us, crashing into me first then Alex. "Sam! Alex!"
"Hi." Alex tries to get out her hold, but she doesn't let him. "I thought you didn't miss me."
"I lied. Where did you go you silly goose? I wanted to play with you."
"I'm sorry." He ruffles her hair, slowly hugging her back. "I'm here now, okay?"
"Don't disappear ever again."
"I won't. Promise."
"Good." Satisfied, she lets him go and turns back to me, seeing the bouquet in my hand. "Is that for Mummy? I'll go call her." She runs out of the room and up the stairs, her footsteps pounding behind her as she goes. "Mummy! Sam and Alex are here!"
We settle on the sofa, Alex sitting between me and John. I look around at the cosy interior, the cream of the walls, browns of the furniture and green of the plants all complementing each other. Everything is how I remember it, except for the extra plants and photos hanging on the wall. Dad never liked photos so I guess Anja put them up after they divorced. There's photos of John and Anna from their babyhood right up until now but what hits me is that some of the photos feature me and Alex too.
"I don't even remember your Mum taking those," I say to John, my tone wistful as a mix of emotions swirl inside me, my heart sinking but feeling warm at the same time.
"I don't either. She came downstairs with a box one day and next thing I know, photos are scattered all around the house." He shrugs, but there's a hint of emotion in his eyes.
Alex leans his head against John's shoulder and I realise he does that a lot. It must be something that feels natural to him, like how he randomly cuddles me sometimes.
"The birthday girl is here!" Anna announces, Anja following her.
"You're both here." She smiles at us, looking beautiful in her dark blue dress. The skirt is loose and flowy while the bodice is fitting. "You're really here."
I can't tell if she's trying not to get emotional or start dancing. From the stories John's told me, maybe a bit of both. "Hi Anja," I greet her, standing up so she can hug me. I know she wanted to last time.
Immediately her arms come around me and for some reason, I suddenly feel the urge to cry. Crap. I really missed her. I really really missed her. "What took you so long?" she whispers.
"I'm sorry." I feel like that's all I can say. Any reasons I can come up with just feel like excuses now.
She pulls away and kisses my cheeks before turning to Alex. He's looking at her with an unreadable expression but hesitantly moves away from John and stands up to hug her as well. I notice him stiffen when she hugs him but he hugs her back, slowly sinking into her motherly warmth. When he pulls away, there's tears in his eyes but since Anna's in the room, he quickly blinks them back and returns to his seat beside John, the older boy putting an arm around him. The air is heavy with so many unsaid words and feelings, only little Anna completely oblivious.
"Can we eat the cake now?" she blurts, tugging on her mother's arm.
Anja looks at her and chuckles lightly. "Sure. Come on everyone."
YOU ARE READING
All I hide
General Fiction**Hidden Truths rewrite** Struggling to keep it together after her father's betrayal and mother's death, all Sam wants to do is run away but knows she has to try moving on instead. Add in a younger brother who she'd give the world to and a friend sh...
