Bastiana has a loving family, two amazing best friends, and a secret.
Over summer vacation, Bastiana and her besties do their best to focus on their bucket list in order to distract them from all the secrets they're keeping from one another. When a...
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7:29am Ry: I'm here, B.
7:30am B: Running a little behind... Need 2 more minutes!
7:30am B: Probably closer to 5, actually.
I sigh softly and set my phone back in the dock on my dash to wait. I'm not worried about being late, I hate biology class anyway. Running behind is starting to become a regular thing for Tiana, now.
With Riggy gone and Josie working more shifts, Tiana is left to get Carter and Dil ready for school most mornings. Some days, that puts her behind on getting herself ready and she's usually still rushing around when I get here.
The longer I wait, the more my thoughts wander.
Ash has been gone for 6 days, but it feels longer.
When he left, I didn't think too much about it. He said he'd be back in a week and that we'd still get to celebrate his birthday with him, but time seems to be dragging on.
I miss Ash.
I figured I would, it didn't surprise me to feel his absence, but I didn't expect it to feel like this. I miss Ash just as much as I missed Tiana when she was at camp. The weight of his absence is much heavier than I anticipated.
Not getting to start and end the school day with both of my best friends has been uncomfortable, and the feeling leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Practices have become all business and no fun without Ash, as well.
In the time he's been gone, I've realized how little I actually interact with the team when he's not there, too. Ash is usually standing right beside me when we hang out with the team. He's the bridge between me and them. Without him, I don't know how to talk to them. It feels stiff and awkward. Somehow, Ash has become my social compass, guiding and helping me find my way, and I hadn't even realized it until he was gone.
More than that, he has also become such an important part of our friendship with Tiana, that I could feel the shift between us without him there. I know Tiana better than most people, but Ash has always been the expert on reading her in the moment. He always knows what she's feeling and can anticipate her needs faster than I can.
With Ash gone, I feel like I'm flailing. I'm trying my best to fill the temporary gap, but it always feels like I'm falling short. I don't always know the right thing to say, or when to say it. I rely on Ash to know that. I never realized how often I follow his cues before now.
I also miss his constant presence. I took for granted that he had always been there with us, since the day we met him. I had always been so focused on Tiana and my love for her that I never stopped to appreciate how much Ash means to me. I hope he knows how much he matters to me.
