Bastiana has a loving family, two amazing best friends, and a secret.
Over summer vacation, Bastiana and her besties do their best to focus on their bucket list in order to distract them from all the secrets they're keeping from one another. When a...
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As I move around my room, tossing things into the oversized duffle bag on my bed, my mind wanders.
This summer has been equal parts amazing and confusing. Between all the bucket list adventures, the strange behavior from Ryker, the uptick in affection from Asher, and the kiss with Jaxon my head is a tumultuous storm of conflicting emotions.
Ryker seems more tense and angry this summer than usual. I thought it was just about the stuff with Jaxon and me leaving for camp, but I think it might be more than that. I've never seen him drink like he did at Liz's party and that has me really worried about him.
He doesn't like to talk about it, but I know Ryker's dad has a drinking problem. I hardly ever see him and Ryker makes sure to keep him away from me and Asher as much as possible. Due to his dad's issues, Ryker usually only has one or two drinks when we go to parties. The other night was an anomaly.
If Ryker is drinking like that, something must be seriously bothering him, but he hasn't said anything. I don't want to push him, though. It's difficult for him to talk about his emotions, even with me. He's been building walls around himself since he was a kid. Since his mother left them.
Ryker's mother left them about a year after I met him, and he was crushed. He adored his mom, like I adore my own. For the first year after she left, Ryker was sure she'd come back for him and his brother. Everyday for a year he'd write in a notebook, telling her about his day so that she wouldn't miss anything when she came back. But she never did.
After she left, Ryker started spending more and more time at my apartment with my family. He started sleeping over the summer after first grade and we spent every day together that summer, and basically every day since.
He stopped talking about it by the time school started the following fall, and I've done my best not to pry. I could tell it hurt him more deeply than I could imagine. I may not have grown up with my father, but he didn't leave; he died. It must hurt so much more to have a parent leave you by choice.
A silent tear falls down my cheek as my heart painfully throbs for Ryker.
As my mind keeps wandering, I move to Asher's actions this summer.
Asher has always been more physically affectionate with me than Ryker, but it seems different this summer. It feels as though his hands are always on my body whenever I'm within arms reach. It's not that I don't like his touches. His touch is familiar and comforting, just like Ryker's less frequent ones. However, this summer it feels as though Asher is holding on to me as if I'll disappear altogether if he lets go for even a second.
I've mostly been attributing that to my leaving for four weeks, but it feels different. There's a sort of longing in his touches and the way he's been kissing my head recently. His hugs have gotten longer and tighter. It's like he's waiting for me to leave him for much longer than 28 days. Like he's desperately trying not to lose me forever.
