Aurora borealis - the academy

Chapter 43 Ro

There was nothing less exhausting than being left alone with my own thoughts. Especially when my mind was reeling around the question if I had done something wrong, something that justified Ronan to be angry at me.

A melody hummed through my mind like the background music to a sad play. In the coven we had usually sung it when something bad had happened. Only that it didn't sympathize with the victims, no it blamed them for not praying strong enough, for straying from our traditions and customs.

If anyone had noticed that I was gone, surely they would tell each other how I deserved the misery I inevitably lived in. Nobody would expect me to be where I was right now.
Like the song, the feeling was bittersweet.

There were steps in front of the door, meaning that Ronan must be back since his room was the farthest down the hallway. Panic surged through my body. I didn't know if I should try to hide and escape the confrontation although it seemed like the childish decision. But what bothered me the most was the question if he would still be angry.

Since when did I care about his mood swings?
If I was being honest I had always cared, especially if they concerned me. But what was wrong with wanting peace?

He opened the door abruptly. Meanwhile I was still standing amidst his room, rooted to the spot in indecision.
The moment he closed the door behind him seemed to drag on. It was as if he purposely took his time with pushing the door handle down before slowly turning around to face me.
I was picking at my fingers while holding onto the broom tightly as if it was a weapon. Like an invisible barrier it was pushed between us, making it quite visible that I didn't trust him right now.

This time I was waiting for him to say something, anything really just to break the ice.

"Why do I feel like you're always in the room when I come here?" He asks roughly, startling me. My cheeks burned red, forcing me to avert my eyes.

"I have to clean it" I tell him although he was right. The worst of all? I didn't know if it was just cleaning or if I was purposely spending more time here, surrounded by his scent and the possibility to meet him 'coincidentally'.

"It's like I can't ever be alone. I can't fucking breathe" he told me while loudly dropping his bag onto the floor. His face looked exhausted, shadows were casted onto his eyes by his thick brows and dark circles adorned his cheeks.
His words emphasized what I had already seen.

He didn't want me to be here.

I was making it hard for him to breathe.

And still I didn't want to leave him here like this because it hurt.
It hurt seeing him like this when only a day ago everything had been fine.
It hurt visibly seeing him so exhausted when I knew that he was able to hide the most of it.

It hurt being shut out by him when I had trusted him so much. Another prove that he didn't trust me the same. Whatever my feelings were, he didn't feel the same for me.

But I put those feelings aside because he didn't need them right now.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked him although I was sure that he wouldn't want to. But because I was similar I knew that just the question helped me feel less alone.

"No, why would I tell you?" He grunted. I wasn't going to lie, it hurt but I tried not to show it.

"I'm a good listener, not like Davian" I told him in a joking manner. He closed his eyes, seemingly trying to get in a deep breath.

"There's nothing to talk about" he told me coldly. I knew that he was trying to compose himself, shutting me out slowly. I didn't know which was worse though: emotionless Ronan or angry Ronan.

In this case probably emotionless Ronan because if he was angry he would at least have an outlet.

"Stop" I told him to which he looked at me incredulously.

"Stop swallowing all of this up. I don't care if you yell at me. Just let it out" I told him, bracing myself for his anger. But he wouldn't even accept that offer. Instead he shook his head, a hard mask gliding over his face.

"You don't want that. You don't know what I'm like when I'm angry."

"Then show me" I tried to provoke him although his words were scaring me. He had yelled at me numerous times so I knew what he was like, right?

"I DONT WANT TO, okay? Get that through your head" he seethed in slow enunciated syllables. The volume of his voice made me flinch. He had began taking steps towards me, each one echoing loudly in my ears.

"Leave" he told me, his head hanging low, shoulders dragging.

I took one look into his face. It was cold and impassive, making it impossible to know what he was thinking.

"Just know that I'm not angry at you" I told him quietly before taking one last look into his eyes. Still, there was nothing. It was as if I was staring into a soulless body and that was what was scaring me the most.

He didn't even react to my words aside from closing the door in front of my face.

The next morning I went into his room after hearing that it was empty. I left a short note together with a bunch of forget-me-nots, knowing that he probably didn't know what they meant.

"I hope you're feeling better after a good night full of sleep.
Take this as a token of gratitude from your student

Sincerely,
Aurora"

Ronan

I read the words again and again until I could barely decipher the meaning behind the message. My hands shook around the blue flowers she had put on top. I didn't want to admit to myself that it felt wrong being addressed as her teacher.

Especially after yesterday I had thought that she felt more for me. Her eyes had expressed the same feelings to what I felt even though I would never show her.
There were the quick glances she sent my way, the way her pupils widened when she saw me, the way her face flushed in a dark shade of red that even tinted the tips of her ears when she was embarrassed, the way her breath quickened when I looked at her, the way she turned up early for training just to talk to me.

And lastly there was the way that I always found her first in a room, the way I adored her embarrassment and soft voice, the way her sweet scent coated my nostrils long after she was gone, the way I hoped to see her before training or in my room, the way I admired her endurance and simplicity. There was something to her that soothed my senses even though I hated being around people.
I knew that she had never betrayed my trust because she was shit at lying.
I knew that she would never betray me because she was too kind.
And I knew that she wasn't like them because I felt her.

She was like a breath of fresh air after everything I had seen and experienced and still I felt like I was suffocating because I could never tell her.

Instead I was forced to hurt her. I had to push her away because I couldn't allow myself to rely on her.
I knew that she was a far better listener than Davian and even if not just her presence could've calmed my senses.

There wasn't a moment in which I hated being my father's son more.

There was nothing worse than losing this connection that had barely even existed.

A loud knock sounded on my door that made the annoyance in me grow. I knew that it couldn't be her because she hardly knocked before entering and if she did she wouldn't try to demolish my door like this.

"Yes?" I asked, ready to relieve my anger on someone else until I saw the urgent expression on Davian's face.
"Ronan, I just got a message from your father. He's telling you to come in an instant with all of the reinforcements you have. They got the mines of Hiracleth."

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The chapter is shorter than usual but the ending was just perfect...

In the next part of the story a lot of things will change, hence a new chapter will start.

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Hope you enjoyed!!