Perfumed Secrets | Kurt Cobain

Is this love or lust or some game on repeat?

Back in the room, the remnants of their things were strewn around—a chaotic mess that mirrored their minds. Faye moved through it, her hands mechanically packing up clothes, toiletries, anything her eyes landed on. Across from her, Kurt stuffed his clothes into a duffel bag without much care.

"You ready?" he asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"I guess so," she replied, though she didn't feel ready at all. She casted a quick look around to make sure they weren't forgetting anything. The room felt hollow now, stripped of the derranged, intoxicating haze that had filled it. She felt a strange sense of finality, like something was slipping away, but she couldn't quite name it. 

Stepping outside, Faye blinked against the late afternoon sun. Krist leaned against the van, hands in his pockets, while Dave sat in the driver's seat, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. The sight of them was a reminder that life was still moving, even as hers felt like it was slowly unraveling.

Krist gave a thumbs up, but his usual lighthearted grin was absent. "Let's roll."

Faye followed Kurt to the back, tossing her luggage inside before climbing in. The further they drove, the more distant everything felt, leaving behind the streets of LA that had swallowed them whole for the past few weeks. She stared out the window, trying to take it all in—this messy chapter of her life, the spiraling nights, her mother's face in her memory, the feeling of Kurt's hand always beside her.

As the city began to fade in the distance, she felt a sense of loss take over, even though she had wanted to leave. The tall buildings, the palm trees, the warm nights—it had become her world for a while, no matter how suffocating it had been. She should've felt relief, but instead, there was only this gnawing emptiness, a sense that she was leaving something unresolved, something she couldn't run from, no matter how fast they drove. Now, as they distanced further from it and the city lights flickered out one by one like dying embers, she realized that everywhere she'd go, she'd take herself.

The nighttime stretched out like a blanket over everything—long, unending, and quiet. Faye had fallen asleep at some point, the exhaustion finally overtaking her, her head resting against the cool glass as the vibrations of the road carried her through fragmented dreams. The van's engine was a steady, distant growl punctuated by snippets of conversation between Kurt, Krist, and Dave. They were talking about everything but music—probably on purpose, to keep the mood light, but she barely registered the words.

"I don't know, man, I'm just saying," Dave's voice drifted over, sounding animated as he talked from the front seat. "The best taco truck in LA, and you missed it. Your loss."

Krist laughed from the passenger side. "Tacos are overrated. Give me a burger any day."

"You're crazy," Dave retorted. "Burgers are fine, but tacos... There's a science to it. Besides, LA's the only place where they actually taste like something."

Kurt chuckled beside her, his arm resting across her lap, fingers playing with a cigarette that he hadn't lit. "I think we were too busy trying to survive LA. Tacos weren't really a high priority."

Krist snorted. "Yeah, survival mode for sure. That place sucks you in."

The conversation ebbed and flowed between them, easy and unpressured as the miles stretched on. Kurt sounded tired, but less agitated than before. Faye tried to let their voices soothe her, but she couldn't fully relax. Sleep was fitful, and when it came, it was thin and restless.

The sky outside shifted to deep navy, passing empty gas stations and darkened diners, the kinds of places only night travelers knew. She woke up at intervals, her body stiff and aching from the van's uncomfortable seating. She felt Kurt's eyes on her a few times, but he didn't say anything. It was well after late hours when they pulled into a rest stop. The sudden silence woke hercompletely. She blinked, disoriented, the world outside still shrouded in predawn shadows. Kurt nudged her gently, his voice low and scratchy.