Fixation Of Love

Chapter 20: Memory Lane

Chapter 20: Memory Lane

"Can we do something else? This game is boring now!" Ian complained.

Vanessa yawned disagreeing with him complaining about being too tired.

"I dunno I think I wanna go to bed now. I'm really tired," Blake yawned in response.

Automatically I yawned too.

Everyone looked exhausted.

"Come on guys, let's go home so mum doesn't worry when she wakes up," Ashton said standing up making me and Vanessa stand up too.

"You can stay if you want," Blake said trying to be polite but his eyes were closing just as quick as he said that.

"Nah it's alright. We'll just head out." Ashton gave him a slight nod before leaving the house shortly followed by me and Vanessa.

The game carried on after so many different dares and truths. It got pretty boring after that. Lisa said that she didn't want to play and she wants to go to bed so she just fell asleep on the sofa.

Ashton drove us home really quickly because one minute I remember entering the car and the next we're parked outside Emma's house.

I can't really remember much because I was too tired to even open my eyes but I remember rushing out of the car and trudging upstairs; falling asleep on the bed.

-.-.-.-

"Dylan?" I asked feeling the Zoo exploding in my stomach when I even said his name.

"Yeah it's me," He said with a beautiful smile on his face.

"I missed you,"

And it's true. I did. I hadn't seen him in over a week because he told me his mum wanted to see him so he went to visit her.

His dad wasn't too happy about it though.

"I missed you too," He said walking closer towards me and wrapping his arms around me.

I smiled in content as I hugged him back as if he was going to disappear.

"What did your mum say?" I asked through the hug.

I felt his whole body become stiff as soon as I said those words.

"Nothing," He said trying to conceal any emotion.

I decided not to press him for any answers so I just hugged him tighter.

"Would you ever forgive me if I said I did something horrible?" He asked suddenly.

-.-.-.-.

I woke up later that night. I don't know why but my mind kept going back to what happened with Dylan in particular.

That was the first time that I realised Dylan wasn't a prince. He wasn't a gentleman. He was a human.

A human who made mistakes. Lots of them.

The feelings I felt for him then, had all disappeared.

I felt so much rage. I didn't ever want to see his face again.

But I did. Except I didn't take him back. I rejected him. I told him to go away.

I felt rage for Dylan whenever I even thought about him.

But with Ashton. It was different. So very different.

When I thought about him, I didn't felt that anger. I didn't feel any of that rage.

I felt something else. I just didn't know what though.

I knew I liked him. I knew I liked the kiss. But what I also knew was that Ashton liked someone else. I also knew that the kiss was a dare.

A dare.

A friking dare. A dare was the reason for all the heartbreak with Dylan. A dare was also the reason I got a kiss with Ashton.

The kiss.

I smiled in the dark as I thought back to it laying down on my bed.

This sounds extremely cheesy right now, I know but honestly. The kiss was magical. It was different from all the ones I had with Dylan and it was different from anything I've ever felt.

I knew all of that yet there was something that was compelling me towards Ashton. Something that wanted to take a chance on him and not care about the heartache that would come.

There was something I felt for him that I didn't want to feel. I can't stop it no matter how hard I try.

The ironic part of everything is that I'm not even trying to stop myself from these feelings I've got for Ashton I should be stopping myself but I'm not. I'm not even trying to remember Dylan when I'm with Ashton. I should be but I'm not.

I only end up focusing on the butterflies inside of me and how close we always end up together.

I didn't want these feelings. They just came. It's almost as if these feelings came into me purposely.

I sat up on my bed sighing as I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

I'm like a little child with her first crush.

I need to get these feelings things sorted. Before they get way out of hand.

That was when I noticed something on my desk.

I squinted my eyes trying to figure out what it was.

My diary.

I remember I had put it under my mattress that time when Ashton tried to read it.

I think I must have put it back on my desk a few days after the incident.

I got up and picked up the diary.

Seeing as though I'm visiting memory lane right now, may as well read my diary.

I sat back down into my bed reading the first page.

Dear diary,

I walked past him today in school. It felt like no one else was in the corridor except for me and him.

Well it would have been like that if it weren't for the fact that his friends decided to burst into laughter when they saw me.

Who the heck am I kidding?

They all burst into laughter when they saw me. Even him.

The reason they all laughed was because for some reason they all figured out that I liked him.

But how?

I'm no princess. But I'm no damsel I distress either. I'm just me.

Everyone seems to judge me for that.

I don't even know why I like him. He's the same as the rest of them.

Cold and heartless.

What can I say?

I'm unlucky in love.

What?

In love?

Nnnno don't worry Diary, I only just like the guy.

I wouldn't say in love. Just yet.

See you later Diary.

As soon as I finished reading it, I immediately closed it again.

Ever again.

From here on out, I'm never going to visit memory lane again.

A/N:
This chapter was just an insight as to what the heck is going on in Sarah's mind right now.

It's boring I know but I just felt it was necessary.

Sorry for any grammar mistakes,

Its_a_secret95