Scatter Hearts

11.7.25

I just had the most wonderful dream after the most confusing one. -im not gonna describe the confusing one.
Issac was there. We were on the couch. We were talking. I leaned against his chest and actually felt it. I felt it when he held me. When he ruffled my hair. When he readjusted me to lay on top of him and he gently kissed and bit my neck and shoulder.
I remember I had made him stop, in fear that lunar was still in the room cause I hadn't seen him leave the living room. -he had btw- then it had become like ghosts, and almost lustful and -so God pulled me out of dreamland and I woke up.

Huh. I was just thinking; that's all I've wanted for a long time.. to finally feel his touch. When he hugs me or holds me.

Anyways I had ordered rings for us for ..whenever, and they finally arrived yesterday :))

Today, i was reminded again why i need to get free of my abusers/tools. And also yesterday, why im avoiding going back as of current. Anyways, i finqlly got to explaining things to mike and kor in its entirety. The doritos, my  reason for insanity, zany and thems situation, R osdd and sxmmys ver. Sxmmy being refered to as the host, winter my daughter. Mike seemed willing to listen and agreed the behavoir of those two, doritos or not is weird and has no logical explanation were everything truly fine.  also, yes K osdd is vastly diff from R osdd it seems, albiet similar still. Mike explqined more homestuck lore qnd is chaotic so i undeestand easily. Kor had to go csuse there was a storm ig.   i did ask, and no, the boys werent avoiding me, its just those two who are still acting weird. Also ive been worried every hr that passes..

But Zany and them havent been online on anything in a littlr over a day now. Is it headspace stuff? are they hurt? did riley get 'grounded'? is the child just over?, well no hed still be on the tablet... Did something happen? are.. whqt if theyre moving already.. Shxt.. I meqn i can rescue them from anywhere in the usa but still. It had been ideal for both of us that they be out of nevada before then but things happened on my end that couldnt have been controlled..

Oh yea, i didnt mention cause i forgot to write it down, issacs dimension, his home in the headspace is gonna be outta range soon and theyre building a portal so he wont be absent. I suggested to turbocharge it and zany or exo sqid that would or could work. Zqny also told me that issac had overseen the project and basically solved it. before that, i had asked why they hadnt been the ones to tell me abt the problem. I had asked if issac had been avoiding me ,- which my brother didnt know,- if he wanted to just.. Leave me, if he still loved me.. If he wanted to come bqck. Zany said issac had not wanted to bring it up, and thought id forget abt him over the years hed be gone. Zany said thqt he had told issac hed take the bullet qnd tell me hed killed issac. .. bruh thats love right there.. anyways,

I had asked him if issac would just forget abt me too, if the project were to fail. Zany had said no, he doesnt think hed ever forget me. Even the other one couldnt erase issacs memories of me..  I have faith thingsll work out. They always do. Zany is an amazing brother and a great uncle.  I asked him what i had been lied to abt, after thinking over what exo told me. He said nothing but that hed wished the dimension problem had been made up. It wouldve solved problems.  when he talked abt it, much like i observed when issac was losing it in the background and his insanity code thing was going up,.. Zany looked and sounded sad and genuinely powerless. Just as much as i was.  im glad hes doing all he can, still.  i love my brother and those around him, so so much. Maybe some day well be free of issues every other week, drama related or otherwise...

I pray for my family. Peace, prosperity, and true loyalty.
That is all ig.. For now.

--Reboot Cookie-Wolfe X(