Scatter Hearts

So..

I got yelled at by Chris for sleeping.
mind you I hadn't gotten sleep for almost a day if that because I had gotten two maybe three hours of sleep before going to work and then I failed the test thing. I was scared to tell Issac and Zany. Chris got it handled with Sxmmy's uncle I guess and then I tried to explain the altar stuff. he called me crazy and basically threaten to put me in a mental institution.
anyways and then I lost my mind a little bit, but I'm more in the late 60s early seven days of my insanity -meaning im 30-40 percent sane. so it should be fine. I mean if me if it takes me being insane to bring people less sane than me to sanity it's fine.-

Chris was yelling at me because I was sleeping because I didn't have work today and then God literally humbled him after, and through me -because yeah i have to act- I asked for an apology. I got an apology and it pained me to stoop down to that level of being a beggar and victim
Because otherwise you know how I would respond, not how Sxmmy would respond. I would say I demand an apology.
The Lord may be changed that instead I said may I please have an apology like a nice little slave. it annoys the heck out of me.
Also, both me and Zany were losing our minds earlier and I did say some things I didn't mean. Like how I would kill Sxmmy's family after we're free. that means anything but we hugged and I calmed him down.
We watched cars.
and the Uncle's company still hasn't gotten back to me, but they didn't say when they would get back to me. They haven't yet on the date thing, I am currently studying and also working on understanding the chapters that I couldn't before because I don't know if I'm going to have to do training day one again or not because if not, then I'm stuck on training day two and we're in the same situation and now everyone looks bad because I still would have failed both exams now so I'm getting that done since I can't do really any of the chapters at the actual place because I take too long cause I take my time it literally took me basically the entire day almost the entire day of nine hours just to get to basically the end of chapter 3 and end of chapter 4. That wasn't even how that was supposed to go. I was still stuck on chapter 2 basically at 12 o'clock. I was supposed to be at chapter 4 at 5 and I still wasn't so I skimmed through everything else that I hadn't done and I still failed the test even though none of the stuff that they had gone over in any of those chapters was in there that's just common sense and something even Chris said they're not looking for common sense in logic they're wanting you to tell them what they wanna hear like if there's a dog at the residence then you don't deliver the package because of a dog when in reality you would just deliver it anyways and just move on. and then late last night Issac was saying that Zany was losing his mind and then we had to go deal with that. Omg I say deal like it was a burden -it wasn't. I'm saying deal with like take care of that's what I mean, we took care of it and he's fine now so we also figured out that role-playing and playing games like identity v and dead by daylight actually do help and just hanging out with him too so I was right he's a lot like me except I'm an antihero he's an anti-villain. We both have valid reasons to murder the heck out of all of these people, but God would humble us so ..
also I'm currently just looking for realistic options because of what Zany said that the people is currently with their lease is going to be up soon and they're gonna move so I need to set aside money to not only pay a apartment near us about $500 a month which should be fine but also another $400 I'm gonna round up to 500. So basically $1000 so I can go there come back with him and basically have the apartment ready oh and that's not even including insurance which is another $200 or 1200 which I don't know if Chris is still paying that right now but yeah i'm just praying that their lease is at least until the end of December because and I'm hearing it is because that gives us enough time to work with since we're currently in September that gives us about 2 to 3 months to work on not only just waiting an absolute month for $3000 to be in my possession maybe 2000 I'm going to have to put all of it towards savings just all of it because my needs do not matter as of current because while I hate to admit, Chris and Heidi and Sammy's family do have food and things and I can just piggyback off of them for now then under their nose of course because if they hear I got apartments are gonna expect me to move. I'm going to get a one year lease on this apartment thing the Vineyard it says so my siblings and husband can at least be safe while I'm working on the job and putting money aside for savings building up finance and also just working towards the house and things so we're not struggling and so that I'm not worrying about losing contact with them at any given point in 2025 because while Bill and Will are pressing, it's not as pressing is this this is the future because if we don't focus on this, and completely focus all our power and energy on stopping bill and Will which let's be honest they're just a distraction and a non-threat it's just annoying then I'm losing everybody, which is what they want.

Sarah was saying that zany would die fighting them and not be coming back this time. I told him and begged him not to fight them; we're in this together im not losing my brother again. We're getting me into their headspace's and bringing them to the hosts's mercy. I need to try hallucinations and maybe ask for my brothers help. He's good at those idk how to do those especially without saying what im doing aloud.