four words [the fangirl ii - a.i]

29

     We have different backgrounds, totally from different worlds , we could've met yes because there's concerts, meets and greets but no one would've thought that we would be each other's lives. Sometimes even if you hide yourself from the inner part of the globe, into the core, there's a part of you that screams that you still wanted to be found and when the time comes you'd be gladly to be found. No more hiding, no more white lies. You'd just broadcast yourself to the world.

    And this time wasn't the best time to broadcast to the world.

     "Sarah. . . ," a voice from the threshold has called me. His tone was half warning and half thankful.

      "If you'll excuse me. I have to go over to my boyfriend." I've never used that word before. Boyfriend. Its always been Im going over to Ashton. Or Im going to the practice of 5sos. It was never boyfriend.

     On the way out, waiting for me at the door, there were eyes darting me. It has always been there. They won't leave me, they won't let me live.

     He was oblivious and I envied that. I wanted to go back to being a child when I only knew was magic and only knees could only get scarred.

     Or he was just getting used to it. Playing to thousands people day after day, who won't be used to it? I guess I will never as long as there are paparazzi, cameras, social medias.

     "Everyone wants to meet you." He said, I felt another kind of anxiety.

     "Everyone?" I asked.

     "I have told three or five friends. They saw us from the backstage. I couldn't hide it. Its told by one to another and another. Is that okay with you?"

     "Where to?" With that he started walking and grabbed my hand. We got to a parking lot and opened the car's door for me.

     We went in.

     He started the car and said, "Do you want to meet some of my friends?" He asked me again. I wanted to see more of Ashton's life, that's for sure, especially that we were engaged but I wanted us to talk about what just happened earlier.

     Derek was his friend, I had no idea, maybe not and that happened. He got jealous, now he wanted me to meet his friends, new friends atleast for me. I wasn't so sure.

     "Maybe later?" I wanted this, the car's window was tinted black and I wanted this moment- only him and I- to put in the spotlight. We hadn't had us-times, not that I'm complaining because I knew this all before I said yes when he asked me out for a coffee a year ago. But this was a whole different level.

     I looked around, "What do you want to say?" He asked. Grinning.

     "I don't know? I love you?" I said because nothing goes in my mind.

     "For real though." I felt the cold between us. I was afraid that he didn't want me anymore. That he fell out of love. That I fell out of love, too.

     "Do you still want to marry me?" I asked. I was trying not to cry, not to well tears up in my eyes. So I looked up. I was refusing to have clogged nose so he won't notice that I was in the verge of crying.

     At first he was in shock, sitting still, listening, "You know this is not the time to talk about this because you know? You're in tour." This was me when I was in panic, I couldn't stop talking, "You see what happened back there? You have broken your drums because you were angry. And you drank alcohol because of me. You went out tonight because of me. This is not so-"

     I was cut off again. He held my both cheeks and squeezed them, "What are you talking about?"

     "You know? We have this endless fights. I thought you were getting tired."