four words [the fangirl ii - a.i]

40

S A R A H

"So, the spark isn't gone?" Mom asked, we've been talking a lot since I landed my foot here at home and haven't stopped. She's asking about how's living with the boys, at tour bus. I mentioned about drinking too but she wasn't surprised. As if she was expecting it and just waiting for me to mention it.

I haven't told her about the marriage.

"No, mom. If anything...." I respond, stopped short and thinking about Ashton. The days we spent, which was full of fights. "It felt more real." I looked at her and she was staring right at me.

It felt more real. Really, because relationships supposed to have arguments and fights and making decisions together and dream together. Not just love. Because without these flaws, you wouldn't know each other. You wouldn't know how he gets mad, how he gets irritated, what makes him mad, what makes him irritated. And without these circumstances, you wouldn't know how to handle him, how to calm him down. I wouldn't know that Ashton loves to cuddle especially under the cover sheets, I wouldn't know that he'd rather stay at home than spend the day outside with me (not because he was trying to hide me but it would be better). But at the same time, without love you wouldn't know how to make his cheeks blush, how to make his smiles go wide up to his ears, how ice creams (not just pizzas) that makes him go wild. And that he was amused to trick me by kissing and everything which is one of the cutest thing about him.

"We fight almost everyday." I said and exhaled through my nose. "You know? Never knew that Ashton hates what he does to me. He's crazy mom. I am telling you."

We moved by the back porch. I slide my fingers by the fence that separated the swimming pool (with kiddie pool?) and the porch. "That's what relationships for you honey." She said and lean her arms by the fence.

"But I never saw you and dad fight." I said. Because never in my life I saw them fight. They would have arguments but at the end of the day they would still agree at one thing.

"Why would we let you saw it?," she asked and nothing would come in mind. I put into silence, "It would affect you growing up."

"By the way honey, don't be too hard on yourself. I mean... by drinking alcohol. Don't drink too much. Alright?" She said, and told me that she won't get mad or anything if I could handle and take care of myself whenever I'm drunk.

"Ashton's always there." I reasoned.

"What if he wasn't? He can never, no one can ever take care of you, all the time." She said, her voice was tuned up but still calm.

"Alright mom." I said and asked, "where's Chris?"

She shrugged.