four words [the fangirl ii - a.i]

50

S A R A H

I tried to sing in the shower but I just couldn't. Its funny how a person, an emotion, can affect the simplest things you do everyday, the routine. Even the ones you loved to do, even the things you should do everyday.

     Was he getting tired of this long distance relationship? Is the ship sinking? Has he found someone new? Someone better? Someone that won't fight him every single day? Someone her family loves him too? Has no family issues?

     I shouldn't have told him. But he told me he loved me despite the fact that I was adopted. But words could easily be said than done and right now his actions wasn't relevant to his words. Does he still care?

      Would he still care?, "Sarah?" Mom called and opened up my room's door. She peeked inside, "Ace's here. He's dressed up. Where are you heading?"

I knitted by brows and ran downstairs, passing my mom and never answered.

I saw him staring through the windows, waiting for me (probably). He was wearing formal attire. Three fourths and a tie, a usual attire for an office. Mom was already behind me and pushed me forward for me to walk towards Ace.

"He isn't wearing formal attire. Its his uniform at office mom." I said and Ace turned around.

I found his brows were furrowed too when I gaze at him, "Why aren't you dressed?", he asked as he fumbles for his things and went upstairs to check on what I was doing before he came.

He caught my cellphone left on Facetime and turned around asking, "You were talking to Ashton, weren't you?"

I took all the jeans and shirts that I've lied down the bed and fold them then put in the closet I said, "Is there something wrong?" I asked him as he scroll through it.

"Nothing but I've been wondering. Does Ashton has a radar that we would hang out? Because everytime we do, he'd always call. Have you been telling him?" Ace asked but didn't bother looking up at me. He kept scrolling through it, to my photos and messages.

"A few. I have to Ace, he's my boyfriend." I said and took a red dress that drawn up to my knees and went to the full-length mirror in my room. "And besides he told me that I could do anything with anyone as long as I tell him where I am and who I am with. He's not the obsessed boyfriend type."

He looked up, "Really? That's nice." I saw him grinning. What a freak.
"But he should trust you."

I went to my closet room and fit the dress. It fits perfectly, maybe I gained weight because when I first bought it, when I was in college, it dangles along my waist, loosely. With that I took the nude colored doll shoes and went out.

"But you know? He doesn't trust you and he never will." I said as I walked out the closet room. That's when I noticed him, at the couch, looking outside, "You've been looking outside and almost always stares at nothing. Are you okay?" I asked and sat beside him.

His gaze turned, into my eyes, he isn't playing around nor not the phase of messing around. "I don't know," he said sincerely, honestly. I wanted to hug him. I didn't know why, I just wanted to. With that three words, I felt that it hurts him. "Maybe I'm just tired. You ready?"

     I nodded. He said, "Let's go."

     He held my hands as if he didn't know that I have a boyfriend, as if he didn't know that I was engaged with someone he hated, and who hated him too. We passed mom holding hands but Ace brush the thought instead he told mom that we were already going. Mom said take care and we were at his car.

     "So, where is this church you're telling?" he asked putting his coat at the backseat and his cellphone at his pocket.

     "Paris. Its beautiful Ace, must see before we die!" I said and he put his arms around the neck of the seat where I was sitting as he look back to have a view if there were cars before we go out our property.

     "I'm sure you've seen it.", he said and took his sun glasses and wore it, "With Ashton." with that he roared his car headed to north.

     That's a fact.

I somehow feel guilty. I'm just realizing that Ace had been left out my life like since we both went college, we took separate ways like Sam and I but he took way too far university. You can't blame me for it, can you? Or him, his parents wanted it for him and he couldn't say no. I tried to keep the communication; through text and phone calls, Facebook and Twitter but his cellphone might be always in silent back then and he barely could pick it up.

But what more important is, who is I'm with today and its him. We could never be separated, I guess, I hope so because he'd been by my side all my life. "Ace its been 19 years." I said and looked at him, smiling.

     "Isn't it 21 years? Because we are 21," he said, he looks at me and to the road in millisecond and smiled. I like the way that I don't even have to explain what 19 years meant. And I am happy that that's how much we personally know each other.

     "No, like, we really knew each other when we were four or five?" I put my knees up to my chest, "How did we get this far?"

     "I don't know, maybe its God's will after all." he said as he put the car to a stop because it was a red light. "We wouldn't make it without Him and without these people who believes in Him and the people who didn't have children." He suddenly knitted his brows and ascended his tone, asking, angry, "Aren't you glad that we still have each other?!"

     "Of course I am. Its just a beautiful thing to imagine that two broken souls made it through hell on earth." I said as I straighten my back at the seat and flattened my feet at the car's floor, "because today, it barely happens. Especially on teenage years, the stage where we explore the world and have angst."

     He cut me off, "Maybe the nuns took really good care of us and raised us properly."

      "Maybe because we really wanted to have each other. Don't you think? Because maybe we were too comfortable with each other and know too well even the filthiest thing we have. Foot smells, farts, underwears. Because two people makes choices whether to stay or not or maybe we wanted," I stopped short and my mind didn't even hesitated to go at the thought of: getting together.

     This isn't happening. Not in Heaven's that I am going to have second thoughts about this. Not now, not today. Why am I even realizing these things just now?