four words [the fangirl ii - a.i]

01

[Sarah]

    We were inside the coffee shop now. He pulled a chair out and helped me in once we reached the table they have chosen. Since people were increasing they chose to be more private and the inner side of the shop with partition where employees and manager meetings happens. The manager knew their band and actually a fan, he looked like just 23 years old, he knew me too because I've been a loyal customer, he said. They let us use it.

   "The coffee is really great," Luke complimented after the manager left, "no wonder why bfoisbddojsbfv." I didn't fathom what the next words he said because he sipped his coffee while speaking.

     Calum smirked, "Yeah right." I didn't know what they were talking about but I had a strong feeling that it was about Ashton and I. To reassure I turned to my right to look and ask Ashton. I saw how his curls fell down to his face and brushed it back, but when his sight fell at me, it was expressionless. I wanted us to have a little talk, alone, but these guys didn't seem to want to be isolated from Ashton.

     "Michael, you love the coffee?" He asked him instead of asking me why I was staring. Michael was looking innocent to my left; CaKe was in front of me while Ashton was at my right, facing the window beside Michael. His brows were knitted like a curious baby from what he was drinking.

     "Coffees aren't my thing but it's good." He responded and sipped another.

     "You two." He pointed at them, "Shut up. Okay? You won't make me blush again. I told you that over a year ago..." It made him stopped for a while like he thought of what I was thinking too, he continued, "or more."

     A year ago, it echoed in my head. There's so much happened a year ago, even he wasn't in it. Samantha being a lesbian, and that was the reason why she didn't even had a boyfriend or a guy crush. She said she put down Al when he tried to bring the feelings he had for her at their five days tour at America. We're still bestfriends, nothing change except Ace going back in town, single, I was expecting him to bring his girl and meet us- Samantha and I- but he said it didn't worked out because of the woman's parents.

     I didn't know why they didn't want Ace for her, I mean... he was really good, a gentleman, sometimes a douchebag but sweet, he's the heir of their company and was in training of managing it. He would soon to be in the industry of printing books and business, their company is called HomeForBooks.

     He looks responsible everytime he wear suits like when I saw him on Ashton and I's supposed to be "first official date". There was no reason to hate him. Anyways, who am I to judge? Exactly, no one, I don't even know them. Ace didn't seem to be depressed about it either even they were three years together. It was like he just let it go. Why couldn't I be like him? But Ashton's here now. What do I do?

     "Sarah," someone shook me to my left, "what is happening to you? Your brows are knitted and you spilled your coffee because you squished your paper cup." Michael continued.

     "I'm sorry, you were saying?"

     "No one was talking; we were watching you and you didn't seem to notice it." Calum said, he and Luke were leaning forward at the table to look at me closer that made things awkward. It was just Ashton a year ago and now I'm with the other three guys- Luke, Calum and Michael- looking at me and drinking coffee with me. It felt like a dream.

     "Anyway, I'm sorry, I was just thinking...." I stopped and looked over to Ashton who was doing nothing but listening to us, "about my friends." I should be a better liar now; it's been a year since I started lying that I'm fine; to my family and friends but I think this is the last lie I would tell. He's back, but I wasn't sure if he'll stay in my life.

     "Friends?" Luke asked and left out a short laugh after, then fell on his back at the chair, "and they can take you to another world? Ridiculous." Never thought Luke was this observant and can be a reasonable person sometimes. 

     "You're still a horrible liar." Ashton said and rose to his sit, the three followed. Calum finished his coffee then headed to the door and I did too.

     I thought they were leaving without saying but Michael looked back and said his farewell then headed to the parking lot. Luke and Calum did too. Now at the parking lot of the coffee shop, inches away from cars, Ashton and I, I was looking at the ground, fiddling with my hands, saying nothing but the sound of my own heart thumping so fast was loud among the rest of the roars of cars and babbling of people.

     "Why do you have to look at me before saying you were thinking about your friends?" he asked, picking my chin to look up at him, he continued, "it was Ace, wasn't it?"

     "He has nothing to do with this; I just remembered when he came back h-" I was cut off.

     "He's back?" he asked. "What do you mean?"

     "Yes, in town. He was away when you last saw him."

      "I see."

     "What?" I asked.

     "Nothing." His single word response never failed to scare me.

     "Look, it's not what you're thinking. He came back and everything but there's nothing between us. Everything's just different now since the last year. There was so much happened but everything's still the same..." I know sometimes I'm confusing but it was the truth, there was so much happened but everything seemed still the same. I lowered my voice with no apparent reason and looked away.

     It was like everything changed because you weren't there, with me, beside me.

     "I know. Yo-" a beep from Luke's car, he was at the wheel, a signal that they had to go but he continued anyways, "I just want what we had is to save. I still want you." He said with the calmest voice he could ever make. There was sincerity, he was looking at me in the eyes. But I was afraid; my parents won't let him to be with me anymore.

     Seconds.

     Minutes.

     I didn't know what to say, I was out of words like this was the very first day I met him after three long years. And now he was telling me that he still likes me. After everything that happened.

     I was expecting nothing from this. All I had in mind at the time once my sight caught him was happiness, I was incredibly happy. Since I saw his smile, his face, his dimples, his curls that I was resisting to touch, I felt joy, again, a genuine happiness. There was something in me that rose from death. It was the bushfire he makes at my tummy, cold hands and warm cheeks.

     "Four words?" he asked and paced towards the car. 

     I was left there jaw dropped with woolen brows. Four words? I thought. Passing Luke's car in front of me with their heads out the window except Ashton's, I saw him smiling at the back looking at me.

What four words?