four words [the fangirl ii - a.i]

32

     I could feel the hotel vibes already at the lobby but Sarah wouldn't stop from hugging me. At the van she couldn't stop digging her face to my neck either. Therefore the van filled with my resisted burst out laughing. I would always stop her by holding her face off of my neck but she was strong enough to dig it in again and it made me weak because of so much laughing.

"Hey, hey, hey," I take her arms out inside my shirt but I still let her hug me at the top of my shirt. We were waiting for the keys that are taking longer than we expected. There was an error about the machine using from debit cards and the manager's pass and fingerprint was needed. "Once you reach the hotel room, go to the bathroom and take a bath." I told her in a whisper but Calum's ear was clearer than anything else.

"So it is happening tonight huh." I was startled by Calum who was trying to mess around.

"I think she's drunk." I replied, explained. Before Calum could say anything again a bell rang and an employee came that lead us to separate rooms, the management and staff & us with Sarah. Our room had four single separate beds.

"I want the fourth bed!," I shouted and threw our things at it, "its the two of us. The wall could use a hand. Thank you."

In the five minutes we've been here these guys were still fighting over whether to pull the beds together or not. The beds were not that small. A man could fit in it but they were talking about how long their legs are. Michael has no problem because he's kinda short, his legs would fit wherever.

"Luke you can lay down horizontal and we're vertical," Calum offered. It made me smile because they were arguing about little things like kids, they could fix it in a minute with no pressure, no anything, no doubt and by the end of the day, I knew they would just lay down helplessly and sleep without minding the horizontal and vertical.

I wanted to be like that again. Growing up and loving someone is both a bless and a curse. Its like you'd feel real love because you're growing up and messing around isn't on your state of mind anymore. You're thinking as a man, a woman and your future life and its a curse because the road that lead to nowhere but growing up with someone you love is like a maze and puzzle with twisted and black and white and sometimes colorful fate.

"Guys, since the bed has no boundaries you can completely pull them together like this," I said and started to pull the bed towards me that was nearest and pulled the other one beside it then the farthest bed. It was basically just a line of three beds, "there. You could lay horizontally and vertically. Any position you want."

"Either way?" Luke asked, smiling widely. Like a child who just had his candy.

I nodded, "Thanks father." Michael said and was about to hug and I hug him back. So much bromance happening in this band.

The night was settling in but I couldn't. Sarah was still asleep, stumbling around and around on the bed. I didn't know that she was drunk. When we talk in the car I didn't smell any alcohol or tasted any of it from her lips or I was just too busy irritated and self-centered at the time.

"Take her to the bathroom. Did she drink a lot?" Michael asked.

"Nope, just a glass of rum, I think. I don't even know." I replied. Despite the air-condition she was still sweating real heavy, she had it on her forehead and her chin and arms.

She wouldn't wake up and didn't want to walk or even sit up. I just let her sleep once I was finished wiping her sweat out with my towel but when I was luring unto sleep she suddenly speak, "Ashton," she called my name in her most soft and slowest way possible and grabbed my arms that was currently around her waist, "do you love me?" She asked, it caught me off guard.

I thought for a while.

"Even with all of these fights," I said, squeezing her arms, sending a signal that I do, I really love her, so much. "At the end of the day, you'd still be the last thing on my mind."

"You no longer say 'i love you'" she groaned and flinched a bit.

"Maybe its true, maybe I always forgot to say it or maybe I wasn't used to it anymore but aren't my actions speaks that I love you?," I said. She sat herself, I didn't know if she was already sober but you know that voice you know that you could say that they are still drunk?

She looked at me, disappointment was on her face. She looked down at the sheets, I could see it through her movement. I fumbled for her hands at the dark, "You are maybe not the woman that men wanted to gaze at for a long period of time, to touch, but you are my home. Everybody needs a home and I found it in you."

I kissed her. I tasted the alcohol from her lips, prove that she really drank an alcohol earlier, "I want to marry you, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't love you, if I wasn't sure about you. Because when I looked at you from the very start when you were with your brother...." I stopped short to reminisce the memories of first times, giggling, "I was sure I'd say I do. With you."

She leaned her head to my shoulder and I hugged her, so tight that maybe, maybe, she would feel that I love her that much. "Why do you have to do this," she was crying. Her tears felt hot on my shoulder. She was maybe not sober. "Let me take you to the bathroom." I said.

She wouldn't be crying if she was sober. Her ego means a lot to her and so do I.

I lead her to the bathroom and told her to stay still at the sink but when I came back she was kneeling on the bathroom mat and she was puking at the toilet. I was thinking about going out to buy her something but I wouldn't risk her being alone in here, wasted.

I rubbed her back to help her puke everything that needed to come out. Her grip at the toilet was tight, her knuckles were almost white. I could see that she was struggling with puking especially if she didn't eat anything before drinking because hell, nothing would come out even if your body wants to pour out anything. It would be painful for your stomach and throat plus the bitter taste.

Vita Milk and convenient stores were the only things that I could think of.

"Stay right there okay. I'll be back."

******

I was back but I found her outside, beside the bathroom door, avoiding the light like she didn't want atleast a dim of it.

"What are you doing here? I told you to wait for me in there." I said but she didn't seem to hear me. Clearly, because when she turned her head to my way, she pushed me away.

After I changed her clothes and washed her face I tried to pull her up to carry her at the bed. To sleep, God, I wanted sleep so bad. We've been wandering around the world and that was awesome. It had always been my dream, to wander the world and to create music with these lads but I needed a break, atleast a two or three days.

Abruptly, she was sitting up. Sarah, please, sleep. Its already two thirty three in the morning. She collected the sheets and then stood up and then sat at the end of the bed. I sat up and look at what she'd do next.

She did something that never crossed my mind. She sat at me, on me, I didn't know how to say it. As in I was lying and she was sitting at my stomach at the lower part but not on my.... you know.... then she hugged me. She was completely lying at my whole body.

     Her body slumped to mine and it created a bump that made my chest hurt.

It was cute. She was always cute.

I let her sleep like that.