four words [the fangirl ii - a.i]

55

My bedroom door slammed open. A dirty brown haired showed up, holding the doorknob and the side of the entrance. He was holding a smile on his face too.

I didn't move a muscle, couldn't tell if because of the shock or because he was smiling. We were reading, yes, we, Ace and I while this man in 6 foot 3 burst inside, catching for breathe.

Then he jumped and hugged me on the bed. I was lying on my back, my hands were up and the book was still on my right hand and he was just there wrapped my waist around his arms and burying his face to my neck.

After Ace voluntarily exited the room, again, I put my book down and touched his hair. The small movements from left to right of his head tickles me then he did it again.

The silence was deafening but I felt relief and peace and happiness and security. I softly tugged his hair then he looked up at me. He made a I'm-sorry smile from the right side of his face then switched from my sides, still hugging me.

"We deserved some peace.," he mumbles (he was lying on my tummy), "And I'm so sorry for saying everything. We deserved the life to where we started. We had it on our hands." He sat up and looked at me holding my hands, "it was like a clear kyaka on a clear sea wandering around, just free. We were free without all these social media burst out I did."

A S H T O N

"It gets harder and harder and I've known it for the very first time. People will try to ruin it and you," she pointed at me. I was sitting by the couch and we were talking for about half an hour now. She said she have known all these things that could possibly happen with us when she was just daydreaming, when she was just a fangirl and none of it she expected would ever happen. "You're welled up with emotion, you're being affected, of course you do, you're human. But you should never let them see it, the most vulnerable part in you. Which is our relationship."

She ended the conversation sitting at the end of her bed and I was there looking at her. How could she think all of these? How could she even wear a facade to handle all of these pain.

I felt like there was a lump creating from my throat. With all the questions left, didn't know how it would end. I still don't know how this day would end. "But I hope you know that you're always in my head. I'm sorry." I said and take my jacket off.

She stood up and went where the air-condition was, "Oh, no, no. No need." I said and she stopped. "I have a shirt on, of course." Why was this awkward? It was like we were meeting for the first time.

"How did we end up here?" she asked, her back was facing me covering her mouth with her hand.

Just when my phone rang. I took it from my pocket and it was Modest, calling me. I looked up at her, she already had turned her head and shook it, looking down.

I couldn't not take it, "Yes, hello?" I said to the other line. Tugging my hair up and down with force and looking up at the ceiling that I could feel my adams apple against my thin flesh ripping in two because this is stupid. All of these were; this phone call, this fucking phone call that is just in timing when I was about to explain. Darn it.

I looked at her. She was crossing her arms from her chest, looking down the ground with absolutely nothing to stare at with dried tears and she would cry again. Did the same thing earlier covering her mouth then face her back to me.

I can't stand this. I went over her and hugged her from behind while my other hand was on my left ear. I held her head, pressing my lips against it and rest my cheeks to it.

Her tears wouldn't stop.

These times are hard. We were trying to work this out, I am. But the more I try the more the output goes to mad circumstances. The more we try to make it work, the more frustrating it was.

"I swear if I go down there, it won't ever work out." I said and gently went away from her to talk to the other line, "Please. Don't make me do this." I said and pushed my forefinger and thumb to the corners of my eyes. "I don't know, I won't come... Yes... I am sure.... You go find another drummer."

"I fucking swear to hell you go take that back." , her head turned in shotgun. She was now walking towards me. I still had my phone up to my ears and I shook my head as an answer to her.

She was glaring at me and took my phone out of my hands then said, "No, don't ever look for another drummer. He's being a jerk, he's coming down..." she was nodding, as if she knew what she was talking about. "Yes, he'll be down with an hour."

Then she ended it and push the red button. "You are crazy! I just told you about it!" she shouted and palpitating with rage walking around her room.

I couldn't take the urge of laughing off of me and I ended up tugging her against me from her behind. She was trying to escape but I won't let her instead I kissed her temples.

We didn't say a thing.