four words [the fangirl ii - a.i]

07

[ Ashton ]

I only had three hours and a half before we play a show tonight and here I was begging for her mother to let me in the house. The only thing I wanted since I saw her again was a little private talk with her. Anywhere, if people would give it.

Sometimes words just ain't enough to prove them that I was saying the truth, that I still love their daughter. I saw her walked back up the stairs. I knew she knew it was me. I could tell by the way she was cut off by my voice although it was just an outline silhouette by the closed glass window.

I continued pleasing her mother anyways. I got the huge urge to ran in and hug her so tight but didn't. I tried my best not to be seen by her nor heard but when she turned around and I heard two steps, I thought the next steps she did was light ones that I couldn't hear it but I saw her stopped short. When her right hand was at the barriers of the stairway I accidentally had spoken.

She didn't defend me.

This place was once felt home but now I was pleasing them to let me in, to the place I once called home. Where I could do anything I want, where I can completely loose myself and talk about everything we want; business, families, people, events, music.

I looked at her mother. Her face was firm because of anger but in her eyes there was disappointment. "I'm sorry." I said and turned around, ready to go.

Why does this have to happen? I was all alone, walking by the street at the sunset, as usual, I was wearing a disguise. The wet pavement made a splash everytime my feet hits it, didn't noticed that it rained. I was intentionally doing it and after a while, it was kind of fun. I used doing this when I was just a little kid, playing with the rain and intentionally stomping your feet at the water to create small waves and splash that would hit your playmates. Absentmindedly, I was playing with it and following the water tracks until it lead to a mini hide-out with a vast ocean at the other side of the wall.

It was beautiful.

I took half an hour staring at it, I still had more hours anyways. The blue water hitting the ramparts that divides the city and the ocean to keep them safe was moving flawlessly and gracefully, the waves that's dancing with the wind was cool and the sunset's sunlight lit the entire sea.

*****

"What are you doing here?" he asked. It was a long time ago since I saw him. His cheeks and ears were turning red, I didn't know if it was because of anger, "I didn't expect you to see here because you promised me you'll be back in Australia."

A S H T O N ' S     D A D

I still remember it. How I left them, the exact words I said and how much tears they had cried, both him and his mother. I had to; I was destined to be back in Ireland, where the main company of where I was working located. I was promoted to be as assistant manager. Never thought I would be promoted and would send back home.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing I could say and, "and congratulations. You did it without me. I am so proud of you." I crumpled his curls that seemed to need a haircut. "Coffee?"

[ Ashton ]

"Coffee?" For real? Why would he be here in London? He was supposed to be working. That's what he said, what he told us since we got lost contact with him. After ten freaking years. Ten years of waiting, hoping, wishing he'd be back. Mom given up but I didn't. I was still hoping, she said it just hurts her everytime she expects him to enter to the door of ours but didn't.

That was the first time I felt actually I had something to loose. Toys, candies, video games and CDs are the things I usually lost and eventually would forget about them. But this one, I didn't and I couldn't forget.

I wish my mom was here. I wish she could see him. His face had lines showing that he was growing old.

"Happy birthday by the way." Maybe mom was celebrating it today at home. We used to celebrate his birthday every year and my brother would always ask, 'whose birthday is today?' we'd tell him its someone important but he'd reply with, 'where is he? she?'

I didn't want to tell my brother what actually happened. I didn't want him to feel what I felt, what I did. It was dark and scary that I almost couldn't get out but I did.

My uncle and auntie were at home with my family. Taking good care of them which what I was really thankful for. I needed them to be safe, they're the only pearl-my little brother- and my only diamond-my mom- I have. I wouldn't take another loss.

"What are you doing there?" he asked, finishing his coffee while I haven't had a sip on mine.

My brows were knitted in confusion, "Where?"

"To the place where nobody was allowed to go in?" he asked, his voice reminded me when Luke and I exchanged irate words, it was sarcastic.

"Why? What?" he had three lines at his forehead and had knitted eyebrows with one raised, "it was beautiful, it should be seen by the world. And besides," I shrugged, "there's no sign that I should keep off."

"Because people knew it."

"Sorry but I'm not one of those people and I'm not sorry because I'm pleased to what I saw."

He laughed out loud.

"What now? You're losing your mind." I replied with my arms crossing at my chest. He was unbelievably amused by what I acted.

"Nothing. You're just..." he said, still laughing in between words, "you're funny like what they said."

I shook my head, "What is so funny?"

"It's the first time I see you emotionless." Emotionless, a song by Good Charlotte, it's the song I dedicated for him, only for him, "you usually smile and laugh at interviews and concerts." he suddenly got serious but it was filled with pride.

"You're watching at our concerts?"

He nodded.