Hope || HS ✔️

Chapter 47

His attention seemed to be on the beer pong table. Nothing else. The girl seemed to have her attention on Harry, and only Harry.

I didn't do anything. I was frozen in my spot. I just watched him. Nobody else. It was just me and Harry.

He was smiling, and occasional laugh. The corners of his mouth would dip upward and his eyes would crinkle at the corners. Beautiful.

He didn't seem to notice me though, which was good. I didn't want him to see me.

I wasn't angry or sad. I guess I should've felt angry with Harry since he didn't tell me he was going to a party or whatever, but I wasn't.

Even though I had just got there, I walked out. I walked out without having any attention on me. I didn't want Harry to know I was at a party or anything like that.

So, I got in my car and drove home. I drove home thinking about Harry.

I wanted to go to London. I did. I just felt there was something he was hiding or something deeper he was keeping from me. I didn't want to assume anything though.
I mean, it is so wonderful for him that the band is getting around and people are starting to hear their music. That's what Harry always wanted, for people to listen. He always wanted to do some sort of job involving music, and now, it is traveling and singing for people's entertainment. He loves that. He loves making people happy.

But, the thing I didn't want to think about is, what happens if he leaves? What happens if he leaves me? It would be so fucking hard to cope with.

I think it would be like the quote: "You can love someone so much, but you can never love people as much as you can miss them." I think that's what the hardest part was.

When Peter passed, I could deal with him being gone every single day. I loved him, and still do love him, but I do agree that missing him every day has gotten deeper and stronger. The love hasn't changed, and I hate that. I hate it so much.

I never thought of this, but what happens if I'm the one that leaves Harry? What happens if I'm the one that drops everything and just runs away? I know, later in life, I would regret that so much. I've done it many times before, and it hasn't ended good. I would have lost such a good friend and ruined everything, but I can't control the future or change the past. I just can't.

When I got home, I immediately fell asleep on the couch. I was so fucking tired, and the most painful part was, I jumped on the couch on the side my tattoo was on. It fucking hurt. I hit the arm rest on my hip and the pain was unbelievable. Now, sometimes, I understand why people don't get tattoos.

As my body was about to full shut down and sleep, I heard my door open. The door to the house. Keys jingled and footsteps approached. I heard rustling and then the fridge open. It had to be Harry.

I heard him coming toward the couch, so I immediately closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I didn't want to talk to him because I was tired.

I know could feel him staring at me and standing in front of me. Have you ever pretended to sleep and just wanted to see if that person was still there or not? Well, I have, but I didn't open my eyes.

Then, I didn't feel his presence anymore. I heard him walking ... Upstairs? He stayed up there a couple more minutes and then I heard his footsteps coming down.

He was coming toward me. And then, I felt his presence in front of me.

He laid something in me and tucked me in. Then, he raised up my head and put something under it. It had to be a pillow and a blanket, because I couldn't think of anything else.

After that, he left. Just left and walked into his room. I immediately fell asleep after that.