Head over Heels || book one.

Hopelessness

Author's note:

Please listen to When I was your man - Bruno Mars, while reading. It sets the mood and creates atmosphere.

*Josh’s POV

I was too late. She was gone. I hung up so that she wouldn’t know that it hurt me that much to see her go. I knew she didn’t think of me as a boyfriend, except that I was a ‘boy friend’. How many hints I’d dropped for her. She’d seen them all. She knew it all. How many of those hints had she picked up? Well that was a different question.

I was lying on my bed when I called her. Tears dripped down my face. Cassie happened to be walking past my room when I hung up. “Josh, what’s wrong?” She walked in and sat herself down on the edge of the bed.

“She’s gone. And it’s not right.” I stammered.

“She’ll be back. But what’s wrong with that?” Cassie asked.

I sat up and looked at her. “I loved her. And she didn’t love me back. It’s called hopelessness-” I began.

“No. Hopelessness is when you have no chance. She just wouldn’t admit to herself that she loved you back. She knew, from ages ago, that she liked you. But she couldn’t agree with herself, because you knew it all; what she hated about herself, what she looked like when she was upset, what she wanted her dream boyfriend to do for her. You had the cheat sheet in your hands and you read it. That’s something she’ll never forgive you for, but you saw past that. You saw her heart. You could make her laugh, smile and she was completely happy...look.” Cassie opened Sarah’s top drawer and took out a photo. It  was the one I took of us two the first night at the beach. We were both smiling. I didn’t know how or why, but that broke my heart to see that photo.

“But she didn’t take it with her.” I pointed out, a new wave of tears washing over me. “Cassie, she didn’t love me and I’ll have to get over it, soon.”

“No. She loved you more than anything. You are the yin to her yang. Don’t you get that. She loves you. You saw the dusty corners of her mind and made them look new. She loves you just as much as you do her, actually no. She loves you more than she cares to ever admit. I heard what you said to her then, you said it with your whole heart, what did she say in reply?”

“That she felt the same way.” I choked on my words.

“Do you know how hard it is to tell someone why you love them? Yet you told her in a poem. You made it crystal clear. And she said she felt the same way? Don’t you get that she is so much more fragile than what she first seemed. She let you into her mind, into her soul, and most importantly, into her heart. That’s something she’s never let anyone do. You’re the first person she’s ever done that to. She let you see the parts that nobody knew. I know you love her, well...she loves you too.” Cassie told me.

“How do I know? How does anybody know, that they’re in love?” I uttered.

Cassie sighed and looked around the room again. “You know in here.” She gestured to her heart. “Do you love her?”

“Yes, but-” I began.

“No! No! No! No but’s!” Cassie hit me each time she said no. “You either love her or you don’t.”

“She’s gone though.” I sobbed.

“Stop being a pessimist. If you love her, love always finds a way.”

*There shall only be a few of the guys POV's.