Head over Heels || book one.

A simple complication

Sarah’s POV

“So, where are we sleeping tonight?” I asked casually as I sat back down on the couch.

“You can stay in one of the spare rooms or...you can sleep with me.” Josh sheepishly offered.

“I’ll be fine in a spare room, thanks.” I smiled at him, but his face fell. Well, last time there was and wasn’t a choice. I was just taking advantage of my choice this time, as he most likely did take advantage of his choice last time.

Liam was getting ready to go out just before the food arrived. “Do I look alright?” He asked nervously as he readjusted his shirt.

“You look fine.” Stef kept saying, but he just didn’t seem confident.

“Liam, it’s gonna be alright. You look great.” I insisted and looked down at my watch. “You’re gonna be late now. Good luck.” I called after him as he left.

Josh was silent until the food arrived. We all ate in the living room making a little bit of a mess. I kept looking over at him, but he didn’t look up at me at all. I was feeling really bad about in now, but it wasn’t enough to make me change my mind. When Louis suggested we watch a movie, I shrugged, claiming that I was tired and that I just wanted to sleep. Cass gave me a weird look and Stef gave me a questionable one.

So I didn’t watch the movie, I just curled up on my bed in the spare bedroom. I knew he was disappointed, but so was I. I was disappointed with myself, and him. For no reason. As much as I could think things through logically, that only happened when I thought aloud. Right now I felt like dying in a hole. No, not dying, just, not existing. Between death and life. When you didn’t have to feel, I could just stay, and be me.

I was so angry with myself I just wanted to yell. Stupid life. Stupid life. Stupid life. I went and stood up at the mirror and told myself that. Sometimes it felt...good, to tell myself that I felt worthless. I knew I was weird and irrational most of the time.

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. I hobbled over and opened it. “I didn’t wake you did I?” Josh asked softly.

“Wake me? Why would you have woken me?” I glanced back over at the digital clock. It was ten thirty. I’d been talking to myself for about three hours. See, I’m insane. “No. You didn’t wake me.” I gave him a small smile. “Do you wanna come in?” He followed me in as I curled back up in my spot on the bed. I pulled the doona back up around me and looked over at him. The moonlight hit his face in such a way that it made him look like he was glowing.

He smiled at me and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You look really cute when you do that.” He whispered. I noticed that he was only in boxers.

“Do what?” I asked sweetly.

“That sleepy smile.” He grinned at me. I continued to smile, and when he leant over, I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. Instead he hugged me. And sat me up. “Why didn’t you want to sleep with me?”

“What kind of question is that?” I asked sleepily, still holding onto the hug, but moving far enough back to see his face.

“A serious one.”

“Well, maybe if you’d given me one option then I couldn’t have said no.”

“But you did.” He let go of me and reached over to the bedside table. He opened the top drawer and took out a photo. It was the one I had had in my bedside drawer down at the beach. “And you didn’t take this with you when you could have gone to America.” The way he said all this, it made my stomach churn. I wasn’t going to cry. No guy was worth my tears.