Kpop One Shots

The Rose Between the Thorns

AN: I'm really sorry that this isn't a usual update (Rest assured the requested one shots will be uploaded this weekend (fingers crossed) ). The one shot below is actually an opening chapter that I  submitted for my creative Writing A-Level in college and I just need a little bit more peer feedback for my commentary. It would mean a lot to me if you could just comment your views and/or criticisms for this opening chapter (it is also the opening chapter of a new fanfic I'm writing - names have been changed in this version as I can't submit exo fanfiction aha ^_^)

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"Why not?", The hooded figure seethed, yearning for the order to kill the helpless young girl, who lay unconscious on the floor before him. Her body was clad in a school uniform, indicating that she was a pupil at non-other than Seoul's most elite Music School: YG High.

The hooded man was jumping at the bite – quite literally – to sink his teeth into the young, pale neck that he just hadn't been able to stop think about all day. He first spotted it this morning when a young, healthy-smelling girl walked past him as she made her way to school with her best friend.

He was currently stood in an alley way, the floor wet from the rain that had not long died down, and his friend stood a few meters in front of him, stopping him from advancing on the human.

"Why not? Because I said so, that's why!" shouted the young, deathly-pale boy, to the older hooded figure, instantly making the first boy shudder with the tone of authority that laced his words.

"If you kill her – or worse – if you, turn her, do you realise how much trouble we would be in? What if she blabs, huh? What if she starts to kill innocent people? I'm not being held responsible for one of your mistakes", He spat, the memories of his first killing invading his mind. Pushing it out, he walked towards the young girl, and slowly took in her appearance; her hair; long, dark and scuffed up from the way she fell down. Her face; her eyes were a deep shade of brown, her red, plump lips reminded him of nothing more than the morning sun. The scent of her perfume was oddly familiar.

"Mia", He whispered, as he traced his thumb over her school uniform name-tag.

Mia winced at the sound of his voice. At first the cloaked man thought that the young girl mad awoken, but with the sleep binding spell that he had cast on her, he knew that she wouldn't wake up – even if she wanted to – for at least an hour.

The leader of the two, who had knelt down to Mia's side felt a wet, sticky substance under his hands. He already knew what it was just by the smell. Although it was only the faintest of smells, he had heightened senses, which told him it was non-other than blood. He picked up her right arm with his cold hand, and inspected the damage.

"You fool!", He hissed into the hair. Mia's arm had been injured when the idiotic male had pushed her up against the wall, and dug his dagger-like fingernails into her skin.

"What?" the fool asked. "What's happening to her?" he panicked; Mia had started to violently shudder, and her cried scratched her throat to get out.

"It's too late. She's already starting to change. Ch- urgh, I could kill you right now!", The boy in charge stood up, and ran, full speed into the considerably taller male, knocking him into the wall, his hood falling down around his neck in the process. "Look at what you've done!", the now unmasked boy panicked as he tried to pull his hood back up, and pushed his abuser backwards, using his full force, sending him flying back to where he came from.

"Oh shut up Charlie, you buffoon", the un-named boy scoffed. Charlie looked outraged that his name had been revealed.

"Do you have any idea what you have just done?", He shouted, "If she can hear us, who do you think she is going to report to the police?".