LA Dreamin

Digging Deeper

*Gracie's POV*
I walked by the water trying to take my mind off of things. I just.. I wish I could be with Taylor. Not just with him as in dating him, physically with him. I'm in love with Taylor and I feel like this tour is gonna tear us apart. Should I just let him go completely?
I continue on down the beach as my phone buzzes many times in my high waisted shorts. I check to see it is Taylor calling and texting about a million times. I toss it in the sand. I know I shouldn't have ran out on our date but he doesn't need me. It took him 3 months to tell me about the tour. I mean seriously!? 4 months in Europe?! Ugh. I plopped down in the squishy sand trying to forget my problems.
The sun is setting as it breaks to night on the beach. I am the only one here surprisingly on this Sunday night. I hear feet coming up behind and am startled by a tap on the shoulder.
"Gracie." Taylor sighed sadly. Oh my god. Why is he so sad? He should be happy about the tour. I try to look away and don't answer his sad plea.
"Gray." He says again touching my arm softly. I look towards his sad brown eyes.
"Why did you run out?" He questions as I sit cross legged in the chilled sand.
"I don't want to hold you back Taylor." I say. I mean the words I say but there is more to them than I let off.
"You aren't baby. I will be back after the tour." He tries reassuring me.
"But Taylor. It's 5 months. And while you are gone in August it will be our 2 year anniversary. And we get to spend it miles apart." I frown looking down as my tear falls into the sand. I try to look away and hide it as more began to fall but Taylor being Taylor sees them. He wipes my flushed cheeks as I continue looking down.
"Hey.." He assures me starting.
"Yes?"
"I love you. And I will be back. We have gone through so much in the past, almost, 2 years. There is no one else I would want to spend it with. We can do this." He says with a slight smile only Taylor Caniff can do.
"I'm sorry Taylor. I just.. I can't." I walk off and up to the boardwalk. I walk back to mine and Taylors house together but I feel like I shouldn't stay there tonight.
When I get inside I rush to my room and pack my backpack with some clothes, a phone charger and some other little things I might need. I grab my pennyboard and am too upset to text anyone. I ride down the chilly sidewalk as a slight summer breeze flows through my hair.
I want to get my thoughts off Taylor. I knew he would come home and be looking for me. I wasn't doing this to worry him. I just genuinely think that he needs to go on this tour without thinking he is leaving something.
I don't want to break up with him. I don't think. I love him. I love him. Let him go. My mind is all over the place telling me different things. Ugh.
I keep riding down the sidewalk until I reach the colorful apartments. I remember Tilly and Ems' from when they moved in. I walk up the small flight of stairs and knock on the door. Tilly opens the door. I look down at her since she is quite shorter than me as she rubs her tired blue eyes. Her messy bun on top of her head sat perfectly.
"Gray?" She questions adjusting the Bishop Ireton hoodie she was wearing. It hung loose on her so I assumed it was Matt's. Her pajama shorts barely visible.
"Hey. Can I.. Sleep here..for tonight?" I don't want to bother her and I think she was already sleeping.
"Um yeah. Is everything alright?" She questioned me opening the door further and allowing me to step inside. I tried not to cry at the thoughts coming with the question she just asked. Alright? Its far from it.
"Yeah.. I just.. Uh.. Taylor is out of town. And I don't like being alone.." God I am a terrible liar. A tear fell at the thought of him actually being out of town. Ugh.
"You can sleep here." Tilly squeaks smiling.
"Thank you." I go to the directed couch and set my things by it.
"Where can I change my clothes?"
"Right through there." Tilly smiled pointing to a guest bathroom connected to the living room. I smile and nod in a way to say 'thank you' and walk to the light yellow colored bathroom. It is decorated with little palmtree accessories including the shower curtain.
I quickly change my clothes and sigh at my reflection in the mirror. I brush my reddish hair into a loose ponytail and head to the couch.
"Goodnight babe!" Tilly whispers smiling and heading to her room.
"Night." I say trying to put on a smile. I'm sure that was a failed attempt. I sigh and try to wrap myself in a fuzzy blanket. I toss and turn for a little bit before giving up on trying to sleep. I just lay there staring at the ceiling above thinking about how things would change as I close my eyes and drift off.
*Taylor's POV*
I pick up my phone to call Carter and see if knows where she might be. He said no and I angrily hang up. I am parked on the side of the road in God knows where. I'm tired as hell but I can't let her go. What if she is hurt? What if she is lost? What if. What if. What if. These words haunt me a tear falls on to my steering wheel followed by my head. I need her. I know I do. So. I pick up my phone.
"Hey Bart."
"Taylor..? W-what are you doing? It's like 2am.." He trails off in a sleepy voice.
"I wanted to tell you I can't go to the Europe leg of the tour. I'm sorry dude." I say in an almost too calm voice that somehow got his attention.
"What! No you can't do that Taylor. People are expecting to see you!"
"Sorry dude." I hang up before he can say anything and try not to let the tears fall anymore.
If I was beautiful Gray where would I go? I think for a bit and then it hits me. Tilly's! I start up the lambo and turn down the road and try to find my way back to the normal route to Tilly's. After about 30 minutes if rerouting I am here. I take breathe and knock on the door. I don't want to wake the girls at 2:30 in the fucking morning. Especially if Gray isn't even here.
Tilly opened the door and didn't even say anything just looked at me with a confused look.
"It's for you." She looked over her shoulder ad Gray walked over.
"Taylor." She breathed heavily as Tilly walked away, probably back to sleep.
"Babe. I have to tell you something." I stare at her bright eyes and her cute little ponytail and notice she is wearing my shirt and some little shorts for pajamas. I smile at this. She looks perfect in it.
"What is it Tay..lor?" She finishes trying not to use the nickname sadly.
"I quit."
"What? You quit what?"
"I quit the tour. For us. For you. I just called. I'm not going to Europe anymore." I smiled grabbing her light little hands.
"Really?" She returned the smile.
"Yes. I called Bart and I probably won't get to go on another one but it's chill. I also asked him if I could bring you a few days ago and he said no. I just.. Couldn't handle that. Not without you." I looked down hoping she didn't lose her smile.
"Taylor. You should go." Her smile is gone like I had feared and she was speaking with all seriousness. I don't answer and she continues, "you have to go. I can't let you throw away your career for me. Maybe we just weren't meant to be together forever." Tears fall from my hot cheeks as I watch her hand pull away and play with the bracelet I had gotten her. It is an infinity sign that connects to a keychain I have.
"Gray. No.." I can't handle this. I can't.
"Taylor. I'll always love you. And. And maybe when you get back. We can be together again. Okay?" She held out her pinky to pinky promise she would still be here and we might have a chance later on. I agreed by nodding and locked our promise. She began crying and I wiped away her tears. I can't handle seeing her cry.
"I have to go Gracie." I whisper standing up. Before she could say anything I kissed her cold forehead and began walking away before whispering 'I love you Gray. Forever.' I couldn't stay any longer to see her sad tears or show her mine. There was no use in that. I hopped into my car and banged my hands on the steering wheel. Fuck. Fuck. I can't fucking live without her. I wish this was easier.
I'm not the dumb fuckboy everyone thinks. I have been with her. For two years! I love her and only her. But I guess it doesn't matter now what I try to convince people. Everyone is gonna ask and assume I hurt her. Oh well I guess.
I start my car and drive home to grab some of my things to take to a hotel. I have a week until the door and I'm not gonna let her sleep on the couch for a week. I can't do that.
I walk into our shared bedroom and find her closet doors are open I walk in and see some of her clothes laying around the room. I smile at the smell of her it's not just a normal perfume. Its a smell only Gray can pull off. My smile quickly turns into a frown thinking of how I will miss her.
It's almost crazy how much. I love my fans but if they love me. They would let me skip one God damn tour. I mean, we are going to Europe again next year I think, so it shouldn't matter. I just. I crave her. I need her. I love her. I'm gonna miss her.