titanic musings

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For the first time in years
I walk down a different path
on my way to school.
It's clean and the rainwater 

doesn't puddle
because there are no holes 
in the pavement under my new shoes


I breathe in the smell
of fresh rain
of wet leaves
and I smile to myself.
Suki walks beside me,
I clasp her tiny hand tighter
and she smiles up at me.


Oh God, 
I'm not sure what the reason was
behind putting us through everything
but if it was to see Suki smile again,
then thank you,
this moment 
is worth a thousand agonies.


I know I can't say what I think aloud
Father caught me murmuring once
and said girls shouldn't speak
like they know everything
like they understand
and he said  
I was too young
to think the way I did
thinking the way I did wasn't normal


I wonder if Mother would mind
I know Suki doesn't
but she doesn't understand
Mei understands, 
my lips quirk up slightly,
yeah, she understands.


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