There Are Worse Things I Could Do

Chapter 23: Vortex of Terror

The mind shrivelling thoughts didn't leave for weeks. Your subscriber number went up to 5 million. You kept making videos sometimes with Dan and Phil. The number kept going up but the thoughts never left.

You didn't sleep with Dan very often now. The reason is because you cried yourself to sleep every night. You couldn't let Dan see you cry like that. Your nights were filled with thoughts of hateful subscribers, Aidan, Dan leaving you and your depression coming back. Little did you realise, you were already back in the vortex of depression.

Well that video is finished editing. You think to yourself. You were amazed at how easy it was for you to look happy on that video. You upload it to YouTube. Your eyes glance to the clock.

11:36

That's late enough to go to bed. After shutting your laptop you change into pj bottoms and a tank top. You shut off the lights and hop into bed. As you started to drift off you heard a door open downstairs.

Did (Y/F/N) ever leave?

You shrug it off and roll over. Thoughts of what happened with Aidan flood your mind. All you could think is that you weren't good enough for him, let alone good enough for Dan.

Sound of footsteps coming up the stairs pull you away from the thoughts. There was a small knock at the door.

"Come in." You say weakly, wiping the tears away.

The door opens and Dan was standing there. Through the darkness you could see a concerned look in his brown orbs.

"You haven't came over in days." He stated.

You just nod and said "I know."

"I'm getting worried." He states coming over and shutting the door.

"You don't need to worry. I'm fine" you say. But your voice betrays you and cracks.

He sits on the edge of your bed and holds his arms out. You schooch over and collapse into his welcoming arms. But you know you can't tell him how you're falling apart. That's how all the others left.

He lowers you into his lap and strokes your hair with one hand and rubs circles on your back with the other. The two of you lay in a comfortable silence. You and Dan never need words. With Dan by our side you can lay in silence for hours on end without a single word.

You can't let him find out. Ever.